Godzilla: Opens Friday, May 16
Every generation suffers through trial and tribulations. War, famine, economic collapse - for people of a certain generation, one injustice still stings to this very day. We all remember well where we were, sitting in a cool theater in the summer of 1998, as a chilling realization washed over us, taking with it our innocence and faith in the universe: "Oh my god," we thought, "this Godzilla remake is awful."
Understandably, Roland Emmerich's Godzilla is still a sore spot for many dewy-eyed nerds. Its transgressions are innumerable, but here's a brief recap: fat, slovenly mayor named "Ebert," as a not-so-subtle jab; the big lizard herself revealed to be an overgrown iguana, and her babies to be blatant ripoffs of Jurassic Park's raptors; Matthew Broderick firmly establishing the nebbishy loser character that would then rule his career; thin characters stretched to the breaking point on the wings of woeful slapstick.
No one would blame you for being wary at the prospect of another American take on Godzilla, but the pedigree with this one is outstanding. Director Gareth Edwards is most well known for Monsters, his understated, ground-level take on the genre picture, and his Godzilla features a stunning cast (Bryan Cranston, Ken Watanabe, and David Strathairn, to name three). That ominous first trailer with its triumphant SKREEEONK was enough to get anyone's blood pumped.
Nothing can erase the damage caused by the shameful Iguanazilla, but here's hoping this is a step in the right direction.
Gathering of the Juggalos
Speaking of getting your blood pumped, I know we all got a charge when a certain fake news site reported that the Gathering of the Juggalos would find its new home at the Kitsap County Fairgrounds. Sadly, it was not meant to be.
However, the commercial for 2014's Gathering just premiered, and it's everything you'd hope for from this utterly unique cultural phenomenon. For anyone not familiar with the Insane Clown Posse's official festival for all things clown and shameful, the Gathering of the Juggalos is mostly what it sounds like: neck-bearded ladies and gentlemen paint their faces and convene in the middle of nowhere for a terrifying week of low-culture, mostly culled from the late '80s and early '90s.
The ICP's cult of personality is rich enough to justify the hundreds of thousands of digital ink that has been spilled on it. What Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J have managed to do is, frankly, impressive. They've created a religion based on the very specific things that they happen to be into - old school rap, wrestling, and hacky comedy, to be specific - and have convinced a staggering number of people to be into it as well.
The lineup for this year's Gathering features regulars like Kottonmouth Kings and Cannibal Corpse, as well as requisite left-field head-scratchers like Gilbert Gottfried and Mick Foley - both of whom, frankly, are way too good for this.
Where will you be when the Gathering goes down? As far away as possible? Me, too.