Thanking Morgan Freeman our old (VHS) sex tapes predated the Cloud, this is Nerd Alert, the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes made $73 million domestic this weekend; so, clearly, some of you caught it. Back me up on this: it's terrific, from stunning production designs to Andy Serkis' soulful, mo-cap performance as Caesar to that signature shot on a tank turret. Thanks to clear dynamics, urgent acting and a mature script, this is one of the best action movies we've seen in a long time. Special kudos to New Zealand effects shop Weta, instant frontrunner for this year's visual-effects Oscar, but all those digital simians wouldn't move us without a solid story foundation beneath them. You can skip the 3-D. Aside from that, these damn dirty Apes are well worth the cost of an evening ticket and bathtub-sized bucket of popcorn.
The biggest movie opening this weekend is Sex Tape, an allegedly raunchy comedy starring Cameron Diaz, Jason Segel and their gym-perfected naughty bits. At time of writing, critics have yet to see any of that. There are two possible reasons for this. One, the movie is guano. Two, the studio is thoughtfully trying to delay the inevitable rush of captured JPEGs to the Internet. Both, of course, could be true simultaneously. Feel free to judge for yourself starting Friday the 18th, or you could save 30 bucks and shoot an allegedly raunchy comedy of your own. Maybe start with a Vine!
THURSDAY, JULY 17
This week's telly news includes the premieres of two FX comedies in Thursday's 10 p.m. hour. First, there's Married, starring the sexy and talented Judy Greer. You won't recognize Greer from her motion-capture work as Caesar's hairy mate Cornelia, nor will her voice work as Cheryl/Cherlene on Archer be much help. You might, however, know her from The Descendants or a ton of other features and TV credits. She's a pretty big deal, so get to know her before upcoming appearances in Jurassic World and Brad Bird's Tomorrowland. At 10:30, You're the Worst stars Aya Cash and Chris Geere as two awful FBs who meet at a wedding. (He catches her stealing one of the gifts.) Parents, if you don't know what FB stands for, ask your kids. These follow Sunday's premiere of Guillermo del Toro's vampire series The Strain, which was grody and awesome and stupid all at the same time. I loved and rolled my eyes at it and couldn't wait to scoff at it again. Also: the hottest CDC epidemiologists ever, plus Samwise Gamgee!
Season 7 of Face Off, starring that weird makeup guy who's laughably trying to copy off Rob Zombie, launches Tuesday the 22nd. Wednesday the 23rd brings the season finale of Into the Wormhole. I don't get the Science Channel, though, so I can only guess Morgan Freeman will say something deep about the universe in that voice that reminds us of warm maple syrup. Ah, Morgan Freeman; he's the dreamiest. Hey, did you guys know I was in a scene with him once? It's true! It was cut way the hell out of Deep Impact. Hell, it didn't even make the deleted scenes on the DVD. I checked, because I'm pathetic! It's one of the tragedies of my life, because that guy was Easy Freakin' Reader. Respect for bibliophilia, yo.
SUNDAY, JULY 20
"Wink wink ..." If you immediately responded, "... nudge nudge," then have I got an event for you. All three surviving members of Monty Python, plus the desiccated, pulverized corpse of Graham Chapman, will be performing slightly modernized versions of their greatest TV sketches at a live event broadcast to, as they say, "select cinemas worldwide." One of those cinemas is probably near you, so put on your best Gumby gumboots, grab a partner for the fish-slapping dance, and ALBATROSS! ALBATROSS! ‘Course you don't get bloody WAFERS WITH IT! (If you memorized a spicier version of that sentence, or was tempted to add, "It's bleedin' seabird bleedin' flavor," then you're thinking of the version from Live at the Hollywood Bowl. My point is, I may not have kissed a lot of girls back in high school.) ALBATROSS!
MONTY PYTHON LIVE (MOSTLY), 11:30 a.m. Sunday, 7:30 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday, Regal Martin Village 16, 5400 Martin Way E, Olympia, $16-$18, 800.FAN.DANG
Until next week, may the Force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, and may your nipples explode with delight. Bouncy bouncy!