REV. ADAM MCKINNEY: Well, this didn't go as planned. As we stated at the beginning of this experiment, the column would come to an end when one of us got laid, or when the summer ended. Needless to say, the "getting lucky" aspect hasn't quite gone our way. This left us with two editions remaining before fall arrives. My bright idea for a surefire place to go to meet women? Dream Girls at Fox's! A strip club! This is the best idea I've ever had. Did you enjoy our trip to the strip club?

NICKY MARTIN: Oddly enough, yes. I was a bit worried at the beginning of the night because, contrary to popular belief, naked women whom I've never met before grinding on me is bloody terrifying. I attempted to get over this fear once in Portland. The nice lady giving me a lap dance told me it was OK to look. I guess that means I was doing it wrong. I figured the only way to face this article was head on, with a shit ton of whiskey and an Adderall. The great thing about this club was it also shared the building with a bar appropriately named Pole Position. It wasn't the dark, creepy dive one you would expect from a bar attached to a strip club that just happens to be located in Parkland. What was your first impression of the bar?

ADAM: I'm with you on being uncomfortable. The last strip club I went to was for my 18th birthday, and it was a shit show. To my surprise, the bar was pretty great. Not too busy, which I liked. (We would find out later that if we had gone a week later, we could've seen Pole Position's Grand Opening, featuring a twerking contest judged by Sir Mix-A-Lot. Just our luck.) After pre-gaming, we shrugged our shoulders and went over to Dreamgirls, and you know what? It was GREAT! Every stripper I spoke to was amazingly nice. Of course, they were all anticipating that I'd give them money, but I think we'd all be a little more personable if we thought there was a reasonable chance of strangers giving us money. Can you imagine how magical that world would be? Your thoughts?

NICKY: I'm with you, A-Dawg. Granted, I spent more time looking at the ceiling or into my bottomless Sprite beverage rather then the stage. The girls were really nice, even after I told them I wasn't the lap dancing type. Before we went out that night, I tried to read up on proper strip-club etiquette, written by a professional dancer. One of the things I read about was how most dancers have to pay a floor fee, and buying dances and drinks for them is how they cover that fee. I explained to the girls that came up that I didn't want them to waste their time since I wasn't planning on getting any dances. Most of them moved on after that, but gals sat and chatted with us about the article. We portrayed it as more of a "looking for love in all the wrong places" and less of a "dating article," which is the turn it's pretty much taken. That seemed to strike the right cord with them. "This is the perfect place for that kind of column!" one stated. For the record, I did give two women money and even complimented one girl's tattoos. Did you make some friends, Adam? I saw you chatted up plenty of ladies.

ADAM: Oddly enough, I did stay in contact with one of the dancers after that night. Granted, she's got a husband and kids, but this is by far the closest I've come to meeting somebody for this godforsaken column. Still, I was most fascinated by the culture of lap dances. I got two at Dreamgirls, but I still can't quite understand exactly what my role is in that situation. I mean, I know what did happen to me in those moments - which you can figure out for yourselves, you perverts - but there was still a feeling that I wasn't doing it right. But, I guess that old saying is right, that there's more than one way to have a stranger grind on you in public. Now that we've come out of the strip club unscathed (though still unsuccessful, technically), you and I have discussed the possibility of just transitioning this into a column about strippers. We'll see. What I do know is that the next column will be the last for Getting Lucky. Let's make it count.