Just saying no to the Polar Bear Plunge, this is Nerd Alert, the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.

THURSDAY, JAN. 1

Jay Hollingsworth is one "big dude" (those are his words, as are "I'm six-eight. I weigh right around twoooo much") who tells some big-ass jokes. He was born in Portland, moved from Seattle to Los Angeles and happily refers to himself as "Big Irish." He's a fixture on podcasts including Doug (Benson) Loves Movies and his own HollingsWorthless. Louie Anderson calls him "a great joke writer," and I agree. He's also industrious enough to fly to Tacoma for a week of shows in winter, on New Year's Day no less, and that seems worthy of our mutual respect. Give him a shot; see if he doesn't deliver serious laughs per minute.

JAY HOLLINGSWORTH, 8 p.m. Thursday-Sunday, 10:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday, Tacoma Comedy Club, 933 Market St., Tacoma, $10-$15, 253.282.7203

FRIDAY, JAN. 2

The only downside of compiling my year-end "Carvy awards" for Olympia theater practitioners is that you, our devoted readers, forwent your chance to see all my favorites months ago. I'm happy to report that's not the case for my top pick of 2014, Theater Artists Olympia's The Head! That Wouldn't Die! No, that show sold well enough to justify two reprise performances this week, not to mention two italicized exclamation points. It's a toe-tapping musical that'll put a smile on your face and a song in your heart and other clichés in your brain, then cut that brain full of clichés out and set it in a pan for future audiences to enjoy. It's just so damned! Entertaining!

THE HEAD! THAT WOULDN'T DIE!, 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday, Midnight Sun Performance Space, 113 Columbia St. NW, Olympia, $15, 360.259.2743

SUNDAY, JAN. 4

The art form our English readers refer to as "the telly" returns this week, beginning with the long-awaited Downton Abbey premiere on PBS (9 p.m.). I say "long-awaited," but of course that's assuming you aren't really a recent immigrant from the United Kingdom. If you are British, then you caught Downton's season five starting over three months ago and have probably moved on to Walking with Beasts or The Blue Planet. Also, you say "al-yuMINium" and "adVERTis-ment" and "vitt-amin" and frankly, we're all getting just a bit sick of your superior attitude. Also, Nigella Lawson is getting clobbered on The Taste again, so put that in your calabash and smoke it, guv'nor.

Speaking of stupid jokes about a mythical land, ABC's Galavant premieres Sunday at 8 p.m. It's almost certainly terrible, but it does feature a couple of songs composed by Disney vet Alan Menken. Or you could check out the broadcast premiere of Life Itself, a biography of dearly departed columnist Roger Ebert, at 9 p.m. on CNN. Two thumbs sad.

TUESDAY, JAN. 6

My wife and I caught the Master Chef Junior bug late, but boy, did we. I actually thought about calling ex-girlfriends on the sly, not to catch up but as it occurred to me I may have unknowingly fathered some of these junior-high competitors. Chubby kids with outsized vocabularies and culinary ambitions? An 11-year-old gastronome who referred to another guy's food choices as "pedestrian?" Yeah, remind me to screen calls from Maury Povich. Anyway, season three debuts on Fox at 9 p.m.

Also at 9 p.m., set your DVR for the premiere of Disney's, ABC's, Marvel's Agent Carter. It stars Hayley Atwell as Captain America's former squeeze, then recruits her as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent to clear the name of Howard Hughes - I mean Stark! - aka Iron Man's superrich daddy issue. Also: amazing hats.

Tuesday marks the DVD/Blu-ray release of what a fair number of critics are calling the best movie of the year, director Richard Linklater's Boyhood. It's the film that cast Ellar Coltrane at age 6, then followed him to legal voting age at Sul Ross State University. I haven't seen it yet, so I'm rooting for Birdman till a Netflix viewing of this movie changes my mind.

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 7

Speaking of boyhood, how much would your kids enjoy building robots out of Legos at the library? Well, today brings your first of several chances, which continue through the spring. Remember to teach your kids how to code Asimov's Three Laws of robot behavior. You and the rest of humanity will be so glad you did.

ROBOTS!, 3 p.m. Wednesday, Pierce County Library, 3609 Market Pl. W., Tacoma, free, 253.272.8801

Until next week, may the Force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, and thank the Maker, this New-Year's-Day, post-hangover oil bath is going to feel so good.

TUESDAY, DEC. 30 2014 >>>

1. The Spanish hardcore outfit Orden Mundial lay everything out on the line in their recent LP, Obedienca Debida, with 10 tracks that almost never make it past a minute and a half. Still, within these unfathomably tight structures, Orden Mundial find compelling melodies and enough crunch to satisfy those that normally blanch at hardcore punk. There's a ferocity to the vocals that almost upstages the instrumentation, creating a roaring drive akin to a train barreling down on you. Catch the band with Combat Knife and Spetsnaz at 7 p.m. in Le Voyeur.

2. Found inside a shining stalk of bamboo by an old bamboo cutter (James Caan) and his wife (Mary Steenburgen), a tiny girl grows rapidly into an exquisite young lady (Chloë Grace Moretz). The mysterious young princess enthralls all who encounter her - but ultimately she must confront her fate, the punishment for her crime. What? Oh, wait ... it's the animated film The Tale of The Princess Kaguya screening at 2:30 and 6 p.m. in The Grand Cinema.

3. Maybe you're the type who is thinking "Hey, let's do something Tuesday" and stay in and cuddle New Year's Eve away from the madding crowds. Tonight would, in fact, be a good time to take in Portland blood-jug holler band Sassparilla, complete with washtub bass, cigar-box guitar, washboard and a dude with about 50 different harmonicas in his vest, at 7:30 p.m. in the Olympic Club Theater.

4. DJ Li'l Mascara will spin punk beginning ta 9 p.m. in Obsidian in downtown Olympia. The waffles are delicious.

5. DJ Freshwell and DJ Dirty White host "2x4 Old School Jam" after the comedy show at 10:30 p.m. in Jazzbones. Warning: It's also Brandon Escovedo's bachelor party ... so there goes your New Year's Eve plans.

LINK: Tuesday, Dec. 30 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

What does New Year's Eve mean to you? If you're anything like us, it used to mean glum tequila shots among strangers, followed by blurry staggers home and migraine-enriched New Year's Day mornings. There was room, shall we say, for improvement. Luckily, Tacoma offers vastly superior options. The best of these options is clearly First Night, as it offers so many wonderful sub-options. To wit:

The music alone lasts well beyond the stroke of midnight. Brazilian drum and dance ensemble VamoLá takes the outdoor main stage at 6:30 p.m., in a clatter of maracatu percussion and a rainbow of Carnival-type outfits. It's super fun. The group is followed by the Sherman Family of fuzz-rockers in the Pantages at 6:45, and by rock quartet Loser Dog on the Mountain House stage at 731 Broadway. Meanwhile, singer-songwriter Kye Alfred Hillig will entertain the Blue Couch lounge at 920 Broadway, and the Boneyard Preachers drop serious blues on the library at 742 Broadway. And that's the first 15 minutes! We haven't even made it to world-renowned flautist Gary Stroutsos, Ohana Ukulele, or Owl Parliament - all of whom arrive during the 7:00 hour! We'd be remiss, however, if we failed to mention the 8:05 Rialto appearance of Baby Gramps, an artist so inimitable the Village Voice observed, "If you feel like being amazed, he's a better bet than most."

Now let's dive into the realm of utter fantasy. Suppose you hate music - that's bizarre, but whatever. Maybe Chuck Berry said mean things about your mom once. In any case, you still have a full afternoon and evening of live performance ahead of you, starting with portrait art by the members of C.L.A.W. (Cartoonists League of Absurd Washingtonians) at 6:30 in Brooks Dental Studio, 732 Broadway. Also, be sure to catch Metro Arts Theatre Company's presentation of The Hysterical History of the Trojan War at Theater on the Square at 7, and the "incendiary dance" moves of Pyrosutra and L Lisa Lawrence of Wild Celtic Rose. At 8:30 on the main stage, First Night will attempt to set a Guinness world record for, of all things, the most people (male and female) blowing bubbles while dressed in wedding gowns-and yes, you are invited, nay, entreated to dress up and participate.

Or hey, maybe you're nuts about free stuff. Who isn't? Starting at noon, New Year's Eve is your chance to enjoy free admission to the Museum of Glass, Tacoma Art Museum, and Tacoma Children's Museum, plus free skate rental at Franciscan Polar Plaza. That's a whole lot of something for nothing, amigo. There's literally too much on the schedule to tell you about here in defensible detail, which is why we said nothing about the insane Day-of-the-Dead-themed Alice in Wonderland extravaganza at 9. You may even decide to go whole hog and spring for the Hotel Murano package deal, which includes not only event tickets but also a specially-priced room to collapse in at oh-dark-30.

See you there ... unless, of course, that fifth shot of tequila kicks in, in which case our eyes may not be focusing properly. Uber?

FIRST NIGHT TACOMA, starting noon Wednesday, Dec. 31, 9th and Broadway, Tacoma, free to $15, FirstNightTacoma.org

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 31 2014 >>>

1. Yeah, right, like you need the Weekly Volcano tonight. However, there's that thing you told yourself you were going to investigate or learn about or take a class to study further, and yet you've never really gotten around to it. Oh sure, you bought that book two years ago and had a fascinating conversation with that guy who is sort of already doing the thing you would love to learn about, but that was last year, and you were a bit drunk and so was he. So here you are just looking at your shoes going, "Hmm, another year and I still don't know squat about Taoist philosophy/chakra bingo." Now 2015 is looking you right square in the Forever 21 T-shirt and saying, "All right then, so what have we here? Are you ready to make the best of me and take me out and ply me with wine and soft and gentle yet commanding words, or shall I just shrug and sigh and watch you wither and whimper and say hey maybe next year for sure?" Or simply hie thee to the Weekly Volcano's listings, honeychile, scan our nightlife calendar, peruse of NYE party list and then party away your paltry ideals.

2. Of course, the big NYE party is First Night Tacoma. To wit ...

3. Oh, sure, the South Sound breweries like to party on NYE ...

4. Stand-up comedian Jon Reep is best known as the "That thing got a Hemi?" guy in Dodge commercials, and more recently as the winner of the fifth season of Last Comic Standing on NBC. He's spending his NYE at the Tacoma Comedy Club.

5. New Year's Eve is all about letting go of the past and embracing the future. Jazzbones certainly isn't letting go of its blues, jazz and rock live music past, but it's embracing country music tonight. After making it all the way to the top 10 in the 2013 version of The Voice, Duvall, Washington, native Austin Jenckes has been touring the nation. The big, bearded dude with a soulful, charismatic voice will join Enumclaw country music heroes Aces Up for a big hoedown at 8 p.m. in Jazzbones.

LINK: Wednesday, Dec. 31 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area