TUESDAY, MARCH 17 2015 >>>

1. After nearly a week of celebration at Doyle's Public House, your liver is more than ready for St. Patrick's Day. After hosting the Nolan Garret Band, Fields Under Clover, Ethan Tucker, Staxx Brothers and Positive Rising all day Saturday in the ginormous outdoor tent, today's official 3 p.m. to close St. Paddy's throwdown with Dixie Highway, Ockham's Razor and The Rusty Cleavers at Doyle's should cap off your week of greenness with an authentic Irish bang - which (spoiler alert!) usually includes a blackout.

2. For a few edible St. Patrick's Day recommendations in Pierce County while getting good and snockered, click here.

3. We're hardworking, tax-paying citizens (most of us any way), and we deserve the right to wear our finest green attire and down a pint every bit as much as anyone who's authentically Irish. Click here for a few spots to grab a beer on St. Patrick's Day.

4. Classes crash in Paolo Virzi's lashing satiric drama Human Capital, along with bikes and SUVs and the fortunes and dreams of the haves and the wanna-have-mores. Virzi's stylish, sometimes funny tale screens at 1:40 and 6:30 p.m. in The Grand Cinema.

5. The famous Irish Drinking Day falls on Tuesday this year so Rock The Dock Pub & Grill's official Irishman Dustin Lafferty will be doing a jig and drinking green beer while he hosts his weekly open mic. Tonight's 7 p.m. Irish version will include tons of drink specials. Lafferty will write you a doctor's note for tomorrow.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 18 2015 >>>

1. We miss slumber parties. We should start a sleepover revival, complete with pajamas, gossip, manicures and pedicures, Truth or Dare, and, of course, liquor-cabinet raids. Sleeping would be completely off-limits, at least until sunrise. Harlequin Productions' acclaimed improv comedy troupe is on it. Something Wicked takes the stage in Something Wicked Has A Slumber Party, where the slumber party is chalk full of wild improvised stories. The improv troupe takes to the Historic State Theater stag eat 8 p.m. So who's bringing the horror flicks?

2. Weekly Volcano visual arts critic Alec Clayton has always thought Dale Chihuly's drawings were more impressive than his glass creations, but he has never seen enough of his drawings to say so until now. "Chihuly Drawings" at the Museum of Glass makes the case quite emphatically. One hundred and eighty-six drawings fill the main gallery at MOG, and the impact is overwhelming. Read Alec Clayton's full review of "Chihuly Drawings" in the Music & Culture section, then check out the exhibit from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

3. If you cross over to Oregon, you must first drive past a statue of John Harris on the Interstate 5 Bridge. Wait, what? How could the man who perfected the recipes for some of Oregon's most iconic brews - including Deschutes' Black Butte Porter, Mirror Pond Pale Ale, Jubelale and Obsidian Stout as well as McMenamins' Hammerhead - not have a statue? Harris spent three decades working under others, most recently at Full Sail. Now, he's his own boss, running Ecliptic Brewing in a colossal former auto-body shop in Portland. Drop by Pint Defiance from 5:30-7:30 p.m., discuss the statue thing, maybe also his love for astronomy, or even his awesome beers, with the man himself.

4. Little Bill Engelhart a legendary Northwest blues musician and perhaps the Godfather of rock 'n' roll in Tacoma. He formed a band with some of his teenage friends and had a national hit when he was just 19 titled "I'm in Love with an Angel." The Washington Blues Society has awarded him numerous awards, including best band; best bass player, best blues writer and lifetime achievement award. See him at 8 p.m. in The Swiss.

5. The 21st installment of the Vomity Open Mic Comedy night at Le Voyeur features Sarah Adam, who hails from Olympia, who blends self deprecation and too-much-information into hilarious stories. As always, a bunch of other comedians will fight for time slots at the very popular comedy open mic, which begins at 9 p.m.

Let the Right One In

Because Hollywood just can't fucking leave well enough alone, we are now being faced with yet another adaptation of the Swedish masterpiece, Let the Right One In. We've already been given an English-language version that hewed so close to the original that it gets a pass, for lack of ruining greatness. Now, I fear, we've flown too close to the sun, because the showrunner behind the Teen Wolf TV series is helming an American version of the new classic in television form.

For those unfamiliar (and, by the way, get familiar already), Let the Right One In is a tender, spooky, violent, unexpectedly moving take on the vampire story. Centered on the friendship between a socially awkward little boy and a girl (who happens to be an eternal bloodsucker) that lives in his apartment complex, the film is an absolute triumph and a signal that there's more to tell about vampires than that they're sexy and glitter in the sun. Based on what I know of the Teen Wolf TV show (which features lacrosse, instead of basketball, barf), there will be a higher rate of chiseled abs in this incarnation of Let the Right One In than I would prefer.

How long can you tell a story that was perfectly laid out in under two hours? A thousand years, if you monsters watch this abomination.

Welcome to Night Vale: A Novel

The success of Welcome to Night Vale was unlikely, but not unwarranted. Bite-sized bits of podcast that revolved around a velvet-voiced radio host named Cecil giving updates to the citizens of the dire, bizarre, Lovecraftian town known as Night Vale doesn't exactly scream mainstream appeal, but the fans have been vocal and fervent. Over time, the half-horror-half-comedy world of Welcome to Night Vale has expanded its considerable mythology into something that would be better off contained in a book, if only such a thing were to exist.

But, wait! What luck! A novel is approaching, and it goes by the handy title of Welcome to Night Vale: A Novel. Centering on the travails of pawnshop owner Jackie Fierro and treasurer Diane Crayton, the book will offer a more narrow view of the expansive madness that is Night Vale. Even though the book won't be out until October, it has already become the No. 5 most ordered book on Amazon. Clearly, the thirst for The X-Files and The Twilight Zone is strong, in America. Just don't look at that light on the edge of town. You know why.

What We Do in the Shadows

If, like me, you're INFURIATED about the Let the Right One In TV adaptation, why not indulge yourself in an actually quite good vampire movie? Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement, of HBO's Flight of the Conchords, star in What We Do in the Shadows, the story of four vampires living in a house together. And what happens when four bloodsuckers stop being polite and start getting real?

Clement has proven himself to not only be a facile and hilarious comedian, but also a competent actor. If there's anything left to be injected into the genre of the vampire movie, some humor can only help. If I see another immortal monster brooding, I will take a flamethrower to Hollywood.

This just in from the 446th Airlift Wing at McChord Field on Joint Base Lewis-McChord

MCCHORD FIELD, Wash. -- The 446th Airlift Wing, the sole Air Force Reserve flying unit in Washington state has selected Col. Gerry Signorelli to be its vice commander, effective April 6.

Signorelli brings 23 years of all-around experience as a traditional [part-time] Reservist, air reserve technician, active-duty Airman, and individual mobilization augmentee to the wing.

"You can't find a military journal published that doesn't boast about the tremendous global impact of the men and women of this wing," he said. "I'm honored to join this outstanding team."

Signorelli said he's grateful Col. Scott McLaughlin, 446th AW commander, trusts his abilities to be his right-hand man, and make a positive impact on the people in the wing.

McLaughlin and Signorelli share history.

"I have had the pleasure of working with Colonel Signorelli," he said. "[He] is eminently qualified to fill a senior leader position at the 446th and has an impressive history of military excellence."

In his previous assignment as the Senior Joint Operations action officer and service lead at Norfolk Naval Air Station, Virginia since October 2014, Signorelli coordinated with Department of Defense agencies to efficiently position assets that support emerging national security interests.

A resident of Rockwall in East Texas, Signorelli is a first officer, and leadership and aviation risk resource management instructor for Southwest Airlines in his civilian career.

He earned his commission through Norwich University's ROTC program in 1991, and earned the distinguished graduate award. Since then, he's held several operational, staff and leadership positions, and tallied more than 8,500 hours in multiple military and civilian airframes.

As the vice commander, Signorelli will be responsible for assisting the wing commander with organizing, training, and ensuring the readiness of nearly 2,100 Reservists.

Signorelli succeeds Col. Richard Grayson, whose retirement ceremony was March 8 after serving as vice commander since 2012, and nearly three decades in the Air Force.

"There's no replacing Colonel Grayson after 27 years of steadfast dedication to the Airmen and mission of the 446th," Signorelli said. "I will do my best to uphold his incomparable service record."

THURSDAY, MARCH 19 2015 >>>

1. The iconic Tacoma Art Bus tour, hosted by Duchess of Downtown Tours, is a guided tour that runs on the third Thursday of the month. The evening tour visits various art exhibits throughout Tacoma, and celebrity tour guides, games, prizes, swag and good eats are signatures of the trip. Launching from 734 Pacific Ave. in downtown Tacoma at 6 p.m., the Art Bus will celebrate its five-year-anniversary with a tour of Spaceworks Tacoma, Why Adam Studio, Happy Belly Restaurant + Juice Bar, Washington State History Museum, The Blue Octopus, The Modern Cottage Company, The Forum and the Museum of Glass. Read up on the Tacoma Art Bus here, then grab details of tonight's tour here.

2. Washington State Parks turns 102 years old today, and visitors are invited to help celebrate by getting out to enjoy a state park for free.

3. Before there was Howard Stern, before there was Rush Limbaugh, before there was Tom Leykis, before there was Mike Malloy, there was ... Barry Champlain, the fictional protagonist of Eric Bogosian's 1987 play Talk Radio, the story of Cleveland's controversial late-night radio host infamous for slinging insults at callers. Now Tacoma Little Theatre revives the work via its "Off-The-Shelf Reading" series where local directors and actors bring scripts to life. Tonight's 7:30 p.m. play reading will be directed by Jen Ankrum.

4. Made up of three people apparently named Funkasaurus Rex, Swagadactyl and Velocityraptor, Diynosaur aspire to electronic mavericks from multiple generations like Jean Michael Jarre, the Books, and Fatboy Slim. Catch the band with Infantry feat. Lil PDF, Kybele and Piff at 8 p.m. in Deadbeat Olympia record store.

5. He's not the new king of pop yet, but Ben Union makes a pretty good Adam Levine. Union frames his prodigious and rock solid talent - soulful vocals, a danceable funk groove, irresistible pop hooks - with passion and showmanship. Imagine the music of Maroon 5 and Train being forced occasionally through the Red Hot Chili Peppers backbeat, grabbing Fred Hammond's soul and then pumped out Levine's larynx, and you have a pretty good idea of the kind of sound Ben Union and his band can produce. While most of Union's songs don't stray too far from the characteristic blend of funk and soulful rock, some of his best moments are the more mellow tunes, such as "Angeles" - which will most likely be front and center at 9 p.m. when Union will perform at The Swiss.

FRIDAY, MARCH 20 2015 >>>

1. Fargo, North Dakota native Jonny Lang has had five albums in the Billboard top 50. He recorded his first blues guitar album, Smokin', at the tender age of 14. Two years later came Lie to Me, an album that went multi-platinum and earned raves from major critics. After a Grammy nomination for Wander the World in 1998, he won the award for Turn Around. He's toured with Aerosmith, Blues Traveler, B.B. King, the Stones, and other iconic artists. Lang's most honest testimonial came from fellow singer and guitarist Jimmy Thackery, who admitted, "He plays so good I want to break his fingers." Yowza. Catch his show at 8:30 p.m. in the Emerald Queen Casino.

2. In college, Scott Cossu immersed himself in the music of Ecuador, living in the Andes Mountains and Chota Valley while furthering his ethnomusicology studies.  He then alchemized his amassed knowledge into records with shamelessly cheesy titles like Emerald Pathways, Stained Glass Memories and, simply, Mountain. Cossu's a laudable pianist, and his compositions have a playful precision to them. While his lite jazz isn't for everyone, in some circles such as the South Puget Sound Community College, Cossu's type of music is seeming less and less like a guilty pleasure, and more like an unexpected muse. Cossu performs at the college's "An Evening of Fine Jazz and Northwest Cuisine," featuring chefs Treacy Kreger and Christine Ciancetta, at 6:30 p.m. Stottle Winery will provide the wine for the evening. It's going to rock. Softly.

3. Olympia Family Theater presents Our Only May Amelia, adapted from the Newberry Award winning novel by Jennifer L. Holm, at 7 p.m. It is the coming of age story of a 13-year-old who is being raised on an isolated farm as the only girl in a family of seven brothers. In 1899, life on the Naselle River in Southwest Washington was hard for anyone, but especially for 13-year-old May Amelia Jackson, the only girl in all of the Naselle settlement. There is not another girl in her neck of the woods with whom to play or commiserate.

4. Wingman Brewers will introduce the Old Plank Pils to the world at 8 p.m., a beer head brewer Ken Thoburn and crew brewed especially for Tacoma punkgrass band, The Rusty Cleavers, who will perform at 8 p.m. during the beer release party. For full details, check out our New Beer Column.

5. Mahnhammer was a stalwart in the Tacoma metal/rock scene, but in 2014, they switched things up by swapping out their drummer and changing their name to something equally thunderous: Ex-Gods. Catch the band with Griever and Strange Wilds at 9 p.m. in The New Frontier Lounge as part of the Bleak Outlook Vol. 3 festival.

SATURDAY, MARCH 21 2015 >>>

1. We knew the traditional fifth anniversary gift was the astoundingly lame "wood," and, of course, the 25th anniversary is the silver and 50th golden. We're pretty sure the 75th is either oxygen tanks or pre-chewed food. Apparently, the first anniversary is the kickass music anniversary, because downtown Olympia music and whiskey venue Rhythm and Rye is celebrating its first year in operation with bands Hillstomp (punk blues) and The Oly Mountain Boys (bluegrass), the two bands that officially opened the venue last March 21. The show begins at 9 p.m.

2. You spend hours wandering around consignment stores, yard sales, and nothing. Break the cycle. Rethink your thought process. Antiques - The older they are the better. And, unlike the average retail giant's merchandise, you can sometimes get a deal. So come check out the Women's League Annual Flea Market and peruse more than 60 vendor booths of previously owned antiques and collectibles, sporting goods, home furnishings, clothes, books and more from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the University of Puget Sound. It's the University of Puget Sound Women's League's 47th flea market to fund student scholarships. A silent auction runs throughout the day. Not so silent? You when you happen across mannequin legs! 

3. The Gig Harbor Rotary presents Taste of Gig Harbor from 5:30-10 p.m. at the Tacoma Narrows Airport. Weekly Volcano foodie Jackie Fender has the scoop here.

4. If we need to tell you who Amy Schumer is, you must not own a TV. Her Comedy Central series Inside Amy Schumer was nominated for an Emmy. Both Entertainment Weekly and Rolling Stone praised it as one of last year's best series, especially a firecracker of a sketch about a Call of Duty-type video game. Schumer wields one of the 21st century's most distinctive, vital, quotable comic voices, and it's won her gigs from Cosmo to Fox News to a slot in the upcoming Ghostbusters reboot. That's right, Amy Schumer will soon be given her very own proton pack. For a comedian in her 30s, that's like being named one of the apostles. Catch her at 8:30 p.m. in the Emerald Queen Casino.

5. The Fucking Eagles reminds one of a '50s sock hop mixed with a backwoods roadhouse show of the same era. It's fun as hell. Catch the band with The Wimps and Vibrating Antennas at 9 p.m. in The New Frontier Lounge, as part of the Bleak Outlook Vol. 3 festival.

MONDAY, MARCH 23 2015 >>>

1. Now that indie music has increasingly begun to incorporate pop music into its life, we've found ourselves at an interesting crossroad, where the underground no longer has any fear of selling out or sounding too corporate; instead, bands have folded Top 40 sounds into their brand of uncompromising idiosyncrasy, resulting in the lo-fi R&B of How To Dress Well and others. Weirder still, though, is a band like Sister Girlfriend, which smashes together the blue-eyed soul of H&O with the frantic house music of two decades ago. It's experimental in the oddest way: not charting new ground, but taking two sounds and violently spinning them in a centrifuge to see which comes out on top. Read Rev. Adam McKinney's full feature on Sister Girlfriend in the Music & Culture section, then catch the band with Grex and Shadows at 8 p.m. in Deadbeat Olympia record store.

2. On weekends all the bartenders are in a bad mood because people are forgetting to tip them and throwing toilet paper around the bathroom. However, Monday is when a neighborhood bar wipes its brow and smiles. But it can take a little coaxing to get your fellow office friends to come with you on a Monday. How to break them down? Meat Bingo! This isn't Grandma's boring bingo. There isn't any yelling out letters and numbers, just singing along to all your favorite songs from yesteryears through today. MTV may have stopped playing videos, but you can catch them every Monday at 7 p.m. in Rock The Dock Pub & Grill. All bingo winners will win raw meat.

3. With a timeless vocal delivery only matched by her engaging stage presence, Kim Archer has been pleasing live music fans in our area since 2004. Archer's powerful voice a la Janis Joplin and Chaka Khan gelled nicely with the sonic buzz of the guitar and groove from the backbeat. She commands the stage playing her own original songs rooted in old school soul, funk and classic rock, sultry blues and ballads while remaining a master at giving choice cover tunes the "Kim Archer treatment," such as the crowd pleasing "Shaft." Catch her at 7:30 p.m. in Smoke + Cedar.

4. What is FOG? It's the reaction of the air when hot meets cold. It disrupts air traffic at SeaTac. It causes crashes on Interstate 5. It's the ooh-la-la factor of Adrienne Barbeau. Or maybe we're confusing it with Swamp Thing. Either way, there are good reasons for FOG, too. It lifts water out of the ocean, extracts the salt, then brings all that freshwater vapor to us at head level, just begging to be drunk. It's also four former members of the legendary jazz group Obrador: flutist Tom Russell, guitarist Paul Hjelm, bassist Steve Luceno and percussionist Michael Olson. Together, they bring more than 200 years of musical knowledge to the stage. Their music is rooted in jazz and folkloric styles and includes original compositions from their Obrador songbook. Be sure and turn your headlights on for FOG is coming at 8 p.m. in Rhythm and Rye.

5. At 9 p.m. Every Monday Jazzbones is packed to the brim with college kids. Party types. The type that wear tight shirts and trucker hats. Throngs of Chad Fratguys and Sarah Sororitysisters swarm the bar, line up for the bathroom and dance to the Rockaraoke - live band karaoke. The Rockaraoke band is skilled, too. Expect dollar beers.

"Did you know that in your lifetime, you are more likely to get attacked by a domesticated pig than by a shark?" Doug Benson inquires. "That is a true statistic, especially if you have a tendency to swim in pig-infested waters."

Silly? Yes. Funny? Also yes. San Diegan Doug Benson has been performing standup comedy since 1986, when his buddies dared him to hop on the stage and do three minutes. He's released seven comedy albums, starred in the movie Super High Me, and costarred on everything from Friends to Mr. Show with Bob and David. If Wikipedia is to be believed, he appeared as a visible extra in Blade Runner, Fast Times at Ridgemont High and backup dancer (!) in Captain EO. In 2009, thanks to a jokey appearance on Fox News's Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld, Benson scored something of a coup by pissing off the entire government of Canada. He appears frequently on Jimmy Kimmel Live and @midnight, and hosts not one but three wildly popular podcasts. If you're curious and have three free hours a week to kill, they're called The Benson Interruption, Doug Loves Movies and Getting Doug With High. The latter is about how much fun it is to smoke weed. It's amazing how little trouble Benson has getting guests. "Marijuana pleases us," he explains in his self-produced show, The Marijuana-Logues. "The last time I was (at Disneyland), I got more stoned than the Ten Commandments."

He's also a huge fan of the Pacific Northwest, by which I mean he detests it. "In Seattle," he says, "they have a saying: if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face." It's to our collective credit that he overcame this aversion to play the Tacoma Comedy Club April first. This isn't an elaborate April Fool's Day prank, by the way. He really will be there. I checked.

Much of Benson's act consists of advice you can use in your very own life - such as it is, given that you have time to listen to three different podcasts by the same guy each week. "It's deadly to dogs to eat grapes," he says, "so I think all chocolate from now on should be surrounded in grape. ... Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom. ... I actually got pulled over once for driving in the diamond lane. Cop said to me, ‘You know you have to have more than one person in the car to drive in the carpool lane.' I said, ‘Check the trunk.'" See? Now you can eat chocolate around your dog, make wise TV booking choices and get tased and arrested like a pro.

DOUG BENSON, 8 p.m. Wednesday, April 1, Tacoma Comedy Club, 933 Market St., Tacoma, $20, 253.282.7203

TUESDAY, MARCH 24 2015 >>>

1. Oakland trio Religious Girls is gospel music for noise. Praising everything both beautiful and abrasive, Religious Girls are fascinated with taking clattering and chanting and making it a main character. Eardrums are pummeled, pupils are dilated, and minds are expanded to the place where they can receive that glut of input being ejected from Religious Girls. Above all else, the drums become the frontman for Religious Girls, shoving and cajoling the music into places it wouldn't otherwise have gone. Catch the band with Saul Conrad, Joseph Hein and the Breakfast Cowboy at 8 p.m. in Deadbeat Olympia record store.

2. Tim Burton's film Big Eyes reunites him with the writers of Ed Wood, his best-ever film. It stars the red-hot Amy Adams and Christoph Waltz. It will screen at 2 and 6:40 p.m. at The Grand Cinema.

3. Broken Spoke on Hilltop Tacoma hosts a Brewer's Night honoring breweries 21st Amendment, Hopworks, Hop Valley and Oskar Blues Brewery. Expect the release of two new beer cans, swag giveaways, taco truck and a lot of talk about bicycles, from 7-10 p.m.

4. There's a sport for everyone. Whether it's video football or dangling from great heights by little ropes, you have enjoyed at some point the principles of fair play, hard work, achievement, etc. Well, so did many folks in 1936. History professor Chad Moody wants to tell you all about the intersection of sport, spectacle and fascist ideology ... for free at 6:30 p.m. in the Gig Harbor Library. You game? Well, run like hell (you are an athlete, after all) to the Gig Harbor Library tonight. Learn about Jesse Owens, German athletes and Hitler during the 1936 Olympics. Bring friends and make the lecture some sort of sport. There's a sport for everyone.

5. With a voice that is influenced by old soul-singers such as Otis Redding, but also spiced with some folk sensibilities, Kurt Lindsay knows how to evoke emotion and have full control of every song he explores. Lindsay's voice, like Jeff Buckley's, is simultaneously full of bravado and wounded timidity. It quivers with feeling, though it might be noted that Lindsay's voice often comes across as more lost, searching, which adds a nice element to what is largely music that errs toward modern rock, with some detours to friendly mixers like R&B and folk. Catch him at 7:30 pm. in Smoke + Cedar.