Let the Right One In

Because Hollywood just can't fucking leave well enough alone, we are now being faced with yet another adaptation of the Swedish masterpiece, Let the Right One In. We've already been given an English-language version that hewed so close to the original that it gets a pass, for lack of ruining greatness. Now, I fear, we've flown too close to the sun, because the showrunner behind the Teen Wolf TV series is helming an American version of the new classic in television form.

For those unfamiliar (and, by the way, get familiar already), Let the Right One In is a tender, spooky, violent, unexpectedly moving take on the vampire story. Centered on the friendship between a socially awkward little boy and a girl (who happens to be an eternal bloodsucker) that lives in his apartment complex, the film is an absolute triumph and a signal that there's more to tell about vampires than that they're sexy and glitter in the sun. Based on what I know of the Teen Wolf TV show (which features lacrosse, instead of basketball, barf), there will be a higher rate of chiseled abs in this incarnation of Let the Right One In than I would prefer.

How long can you tell a story that was perfectly laid out in under two hours? A thousand years, if you monsters watch this abomination.

Welcome to Night Vale: A Novel

The success of Welcome to Night Vale was unlikely, but not unwarranted. Bite-sized bits of podcast that revolved around a velvet-voiced radio host named Cecil giving updates to the citizens of the dire, bizarre, Lovecraftian town known as Night Vale doesn't exactly scream mainstream appeal, but the fans have been vocal and fervent. Over time, the half-horror-half-comedy world of Welcome to Night Vale has expanded its considerable mythology into something that would be better off contained in a book, if only such a thing were to exist.

But, wait! What luck! A novel is approaching, and it goes by the handy title of Welcome to Night Vale: A Novel. Centering on the travails of pawnshop owner Jackie Fierro and treasurer Diane Crayton, the book will offer a more narrow view of the expansive madness that is Night Vale. Even though the book won't be out until October, it has already become the No. 5 most ordered book on Amazon. Clearly, the thirst for The X-Files and The Twilight Zone is strong, in America. Just don't look at that light on the edge of town. You know why.

What We Do in the Shadows

If, like me, you're INFURIATED about the Let the Right One In TV adaptation, why not indulge yourself in an actually quite good vampire movie? Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement, of HBO's Flight of the Conchords, star in What We Do in the Shadows, the story of four vampires living in a house together. And what happens when four bloodsuckers stop being polite and start getting real?

Clement has proven himself to not only be a facile and hilarious comedian, but also a competent actor. If there's anything left to be injected into the genre of the vampire movie, some humor can only help. If I see another immortal monster brooding, I will take a flamethrower to Hollywood.