OK, OK - Bobble Tiki gets it. He's been a complete bum lately. Like Skippyjon Jones, maybe Bobble Tiki's been lost in spice - only the "spice" was actually booze, various other intoxicants, and copious amounts of self-loathing? But you probably wont be reading stories about Bobble Tiki's recent bender to your toddler at bedtime anytime soon. That'd just be fucked up.

Amazingly, even after finding the empty booze bottle in his desk, the empty cartoon of Newport Reds (what's up with those?) in his office trash bin, and an empty soul upon further inspection, the powers that be here at the Weekly Volcano decided to keep Bobble Tiki on staff. Bobble Tiki suspects it's because, during the heyday, the Swarner Bros erected a wooden statue of Tiki outside the office -- and they're probably just too damn cheap to replace it with a chainsaw carved Steph DeRosa. So the performance goes on ...

However, after returning from a successful, whirlwind, would-be-world-record-if-they-would-have-just-stopped-being-dicks-and-admited-Bobble-Tiki-was-cured-like-he-insisted-instead-of-making-him-jump-the-fence stay at Schick Shadel, Bobble Tiki is back at it - debuting a new column he hopes will reinvigorate his life like an erection lasting longer than four hours. Bobble Tiki can already feel the life pumping back into him. Slowly but surely...

Ladies and gentleman, "Three Questions with Bobble Tiki"

This week ...

Where Sails Meet Rails guitarist and frontman Jake Westhoff

[The New Frontier, Where Sails Meet Rails, with special guests, Friday, March 4, 9 p.m., cover TBA, 301 E 25^th St., Tacoma, 253.572.4020]

BOBBLE TIKI'S COLUMN HAS FINALLY POSTED >>>

Getting sick in the summer is like getting hit with a sledgehammer only worse, because it's the sledgehammer Bobble Tiki lent his now sun-bathing neighbor five months ago ... and why didn't he return it to Bobble Tiki sooner ... and where is that Weedwacker Bobble Tiki lent him ages ago, asshole. Jeez.

Any – achoo! – way, Bobble Tiki finally posted his music column on the Volcano's website here. Bobble Tiki waxes Plogfest 2010, and the Eddie Spaghetti show at Hell's Kitchen.

Now Bobble Tiki has to finish this week's Concert Alert that he was forced to do after last week's prank during the "editorial meeting." Bobble Tiki secretly filled a bottle marked "suppositories" with white jellybeans. Bobble Tiki ate the jellybeans in front of the writing staff and we all had a good laugh. But then they stopped laughing when Bobble Tiki stuck them in his butt.

So, if discovering what concerts go on sale this week on a Thursday is important to you, you will be disappointed. Bobble Tiki is headed back to bed.

BOBBLE TIKI: A SAD DAY >>>

Dear Tree In Our Office Parking Lot,

We see each other every day, sometimes twice a day. You know Bobble Tiki. You know that Bobble Tiki works below you. You sometimes whisper strange things to Bobble Tiki when he’s forced to take out the garbage. You whisper endearing things such as "Your spring is a perfectly medium length," or strange things such as, "You and I are headed for the wood chipper soon."  Bobble Tiki must tell you that he is saddened to see that you tried to take your life today.

Why Tree In Our Office Parking Lot? Why did you throw half of yourself to the ground?

Bobble Tiki takes a little blame for the situation. Bobble Tiki should have listened more closely. Bobble Tiki should have paid more attention to the signs. You tossed pine cones at Bobble Tiki daily. You covered his car with debris. You place your needles under Bobble Tiki’s car wipers irritating the hell out of him.

Remember that Bobble Tiki has only shouted at you once. But now, Tree In Our Office Parking Lot, this game has gone too far.

You nearly crushed Bobble Tiki’s car this morning. Why? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life spread below a jungle gym? You realize children will not respect you. They will pee on you without a second thought.

Bobble Tiki doesn't want to hash out all of the other recent troubles you have caused; Bobble Tiki believes we might still be able to work this out since half of you still stands.

One last request: could you stop throwing pine cones at Bobble Tiki’s social worker when she comes to visit? It’s not helping.

Kind regards,

Bobble Tiki

BOBBLE TIKI: SUPPORT THE EMERGENCY FOOD NETWORK >>>
 
Are you indecisive?  Do you find grocery shopping frustrating because of the number of options? Are you rich?  Do you wish you had less money simply because it would reduce your options in life?  Well, Bobble Tiki can help you, friend. Help you and help those who can’t afford to eat during the holiday season. 

The demand on the food bank system in Pierce County is up nearly 40 percent this year, according to Jeff Klein, development director for the Emergency Food Network in Lakewood. EFN is on pace to distribute 14 million pounds of food valued at $21 million in 2009.

“We supply food for 65 food banks and hot meal sites and do it with an overhead of less than 4 percent,” says Klein. “We’d love more community support for our efforts in terms of donation drives and food drives at local shows and events.”

Now there’s a rad idea. If you’re hosting a show or community event, consider adding a food drive or donating part of the profits to EFN. Give Klein and his crew a call at 253.584.1040.

Hope this has been helpful.

BOBBLE TIKI: MAD CADDIES PLAY HELL'S KITCHEN >>>

Considering the amount of time Bobble Tiki spent listening to KGRG in the late '90s and early part of this decade, Mad Caddies have practically burned a sonic impression in Bobble Tiki's brain - in oh such a good way. Bobble Tiki knows it's a Monday, but Mad Caddies at Hell's Kitchen is destined to be one of this week's best. - Bobble Tiki

[Hell's Kitchen, with Johnstones and Walk The Plank, Monday, Nov. 2, 7 p.m., all ages, $12 advance, $15 door, 3829 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.759.6003]

BOBBLE TIKI: RONTROSE QUITS; KRISTIN CONNELL OPENS THE SPEAKEASY >>>

It’s a new week, which means it’s time for a new installment of Bobble Tiki’s South Sound music news and notes column. Check out my column in today's Weekly Volcano on the streets or online for news regarding Ron “Rontrose” Heathman leaving The Supersuckers; the Speakeasy Art Co-op opening featuring Kristin Connell; and Blame it on the Girl at Bob’s Java Jive.

BOBBLE TIKI: TIKI LOGIC >>>

On the sad news front, Bobble Tiki recently learned that one of his favorite Tacoma bands, Paris Spleen, will be calling it quits at the end of the month. No word on exactly why the indie rockers are moving on to hopefully bigger and better things, but Bobble Tiki suspects those Paris Spleen pants finally just got too tight.

Read the sad news regarding Bobble Tiki's health and the Spleen split here.

BOBBLE TIKI: MALTOBERFEST AT THE JIVE TONIGHT >>>

If you’re new to the Maltoberfest game â€" here’s the brief lowdown: It’s like Oktoberfest propped up with copious amounts of Mad Dog 20/20 â€" think ghetto culture spliced with lederhosen. It’s the most unique of parties, and it seems to be getting stronger by the year.

For this year’s Maltoberfest, which will be held tonight at Bob’s Java Jive, event co-creators Craig Egan and Jen Orr have booked quite a musical lineup, including Q Dot, Paris Spleen, Ten Miles of Bad Road, Faraca, Dandelion Junk Queens, 508 Disturbance and Darrren Selector.

“I must say that our event has been blessed by the gods of intoxication. For inviting Tacoma’s craziest people and feeding them 10,000 ounces of gnarly brew, we’ve had surprisingly little trouble,” says Egan.

[Bob's Java Jive, Maltoberfest IV, Saturday, Oct. 3, 6 p.m., $15, $10 in Maltoberfest attire, 2102 S. Tacoma Way, Tacoma, 253.475.9843]

BOBBLE TIKI: LIVIN' ON A PRAYER >>>

Saturday, Oct.3 The Fucking Eagles, Girl Trouble and The Plastards will play only covers at The Acme Grub Cage. It will be the kind of event that, if your expectations are calibrated correctly, could be epic.

Will they play the rock anthems: “Livin' on a Prayer,” “Pour Some Sugar On Me,” “I Can't Drive 55,” “Rock 'n' Roll All Night” and “Highway to Hell”?

Or will they play the classic hip-hop hits: “Rapper's Delight,” “Just a Friend,” “Insane in the Membrane,” “Me, Myself, and I,” “The Humpty Dance” and “Baby Got Back”?

Here is what Bobble Tiki hopes they play: “Sweet Jane,” “I Wanna Be Your Dog,” “Radio Free Europe,” “Take the Skinheads Bowling,” “Touch Me I'm Sick,” “Cut Your Hair,” “Teenage Kicks” and “Sooner Or Later.”

What do you hope to hear?

[The Acme Grub Cage, Saturday, Oct. 3, 9 p.m., $6, 1310 Tacoma Ave. S., Tacoma, 253.272.1892]

BOBBLE TIKI: KILL AUDIO >>>

Bobble Tiki thinks this band is frenetic, herky-jerky, and musically a little confusing. Sure, Coheed and Cambria are lyrically introspective, but when the hell did “poor me” replace “fuck you” in rock music? 

There’s no questioning this band’s talent â€" or motives for that matter â€" but Bobble Tiki thinks there’s a little too much thinking going on here, that’s all. Let’s get some of that uncontrollable urge back.

Anyway, Coheed and Cambria’s music consists of swift prog-rock tempo shifts that still soothe the neck they threaten to break. Interesting, but though it occasionally rocks out, the music is next to impossible to dance to. Give it a shot tonight at the Puyallup Fair.

By the way, it’s not surprising that Coheed and Cambria's heady concept albums paint dark scenes of desolate stretches tainted with wilted grain and black barbed-wire propped up against blank skies like charred skeleton fingers. Lead singer Claudio Sanchez writes a couple sci-fi mythological comic books series, including The Armory Wars, and his new series, a goofier Kill Audio â€" complete with scary self-portrait vinyl toy. As part of the band’s tour Sanchez will be popping into comic book stores before concerts to sign Kill Audio, which includes Comic Evolution in Puyallup Wednesday from 4:30-6 p.m. If you purchase the scary toy Wednesday, you’ll receive special VIP status at the concert. Just so you know, it doesn’t bobble. Just sayin’.

[Comic Evolution, Wednesday, Sept. 16, 4:30-6 p.m., no cover, 206 S. Meridian, Puyallup, 253.770.6464]

[Puyallup Fair, with Brand New, Wednesday, Sept. 16, 7 p.m., $25-$37 at Ticketmaster, Ninth and Meridian, Puyallup, 253.841.5045]