Here's the plan: This Saturday, head to Auntie Anne’s for a free hot, fresh-baked pretzel. Auntie Anne’s hits the 20-year mark so the mall pretzel joint is unloading original and cinnamon sugar pretzels to the masses for free.  Then you need to slump yourself down against the wall inside the mall, next to assorted punk mall kids, and have a snack/bull session with friends. Yes, you do. â€" Suzy Stump

[Auntie Anne’s, Saturday, Feb. 2, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., Tacoma Mall, The Commons at Federal Way, South Hill Mall, www.auntieanne.com]

It’s been a year since 99 Bottles in Federal Way blessed us with little gifts from Silenus, the God of Beer.

Saturday 99 Bottles celebrated its birthday by teaming up with Rogue beers and Issaquah Brewery, giving guests five, two-ounce tastes for $1. I immediately signed up and partook in tasting Rogue’s Bullfrog Ale, Ménage A Frog, Morimoto Black Obi Soba Ale, HazelNut Brown Nectar, and my fave â€" the Chocolate Stout.

Hutch, the bona-fied “Frog Fermenter,” aka Brewer of all things Rogue, spread the good word.  99 Bottle employees were on hand to pour, slice cake, and ring up the enormous amount of beer sales I’m sure they had Saturday.  Count myself, Chad Fitz, Snoops, and a few other Tacoma Beer Society players as a chunk of those sales. 

Mmmmmm Chocolate Stout mmmmmmmm. â€" Steph DeRosa

It doesn’t seem like a year ago, but apparently it has been 365 days that 99 Bottles opened its doors in Federal Way. The pioneer general store of malted goodness offers bottles, mixed sixes and racks of some of the best beers the world offers. This is not a Safeway aisle of beer. This is for beer adventurers. At last count, the store has more than 800 types of beers from 50 countries in stock to quench the thirst of even the most particular beer drinker.

New shipments arrive weekly. This week’s delivery will be special since the store will be marking its one-year anniversary from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. Sunday, Jan. 20. Beer party goers will meet special guests from Rogue: Matt Thompson and David “Hutch” Hutchinson, head brewer of the Issaquah Brewhouse. On tap will also be a special sampling of Hutch’s brews, Menage a Frog and Bullfrog Ale, as well as some Rogue Ales. â€" Steve Dunkelberger

Today, I discovered today that typing "Merry Christmas" into a text message yields the option of  "Messy Christmap" in the auto-fill bar (the function that guesses what word you are typing, and offers options based on the first few letters). As I typed, a newscast came on relating a breaking story in Federal Way. A man had apparently walked into four-lanes of northbound traffic on Interstate 5, taken off his belt, and begun to flail at cars as they swerved around him. At some point his pants fell around his ankles. He did not stop to pull them up, but continued waddling around, screaming and savagely soul-spanking passing vehicles.

A short clip from a Department of Transportation video feed showed the man hobble toward and then attack a lone State Trooper. The news report indicated that the officer tried to subdue him with a taser to no avail. In keeping with law-enforcement protocol, the officer then shot the man dead, pants still around his ankles.

Messy Christmap everyone. â€" Paul Schrag

Jimmy Mac’s Roadhouse

I’ll admit it; I don’t live in the Tacoma city limits.  I live in what is considered Northeast Tacoma, unincorporated Pierce County.  Down the street they’ve opened a brand spankin’ new strip shopping center.  There’s 99 Bottles, WineStyles, The Rock, they have it all.  They also have a Jimmy Mac’s Roadhouse.  This place kicks any Houston Texan ass.  I’m from Texas (born, raised, and college fed), and this joint is just like eating at an icehouse back home.

I wasn’t going to let this whole “cookie” thing pass me by without giving the Roadhouse a true tip of the hat.

OK, so they don’t have a “cookie” per se, but leave it to me to find a way to manipulate the situation.  What they DO have is a “Cookie Sundae.”  A-HA!  This involves a scoop of ice cream with four quadrants of decadent Texan chocolate chip cookies on top.  The cookies are homemade from fresh ingredients, and they are friggen’ to die for.  They’re perfectly crispy on the outside, and chewy-done on the inside.  They're full of flavor, chocolate chips, leather, and hot cowboys.  To top it off they roll the damned things in sugar before baking. 

Lemmie just say that nothing beats a guy with a Texan accent than a guy with a Texan
accent baking me some chocolate chip cookies.  Now THAT’S a saddle I’ll mount. â€" Steph DeRosa

The latest location for the Original Roadhouse Grill is a killer. It's in the Federal Way retail bottleneck, at the back of some plaza that sits like a box canyon; shoppers, diners, movie-goers alike all funnel into this zone off 320th and Highway 99, half-blind from wholesale excess, wondering where they can eat. The Original Roadhouse Grill, born in Gresham, Ore., has to compete with numerous other restaurant chains in that mess.

Their atmosphere will win many restaurant choice battles.

Last night’s Roadhouse Grill private opening I witnessed the kind of chaos that would completely shatter any normal restaurant crew: dining rooms filled to capacity, marketing crew bottlenecking the lobby, people slipping on the ice outside, people slipping on the greasy, peanut shell littered concrete floor inside and the bathrooms blocked by the staff’s periodic line-dancing routine.  Craziness.  But this staff is trained well.  My cute redheaded server answered every question, gave quick service, all with a smile.

Like the other 15 Roadhouse locations, the new Federal Way location â€" set to open Jan. 15 â€" is designed for a roadhouse feel, although it needs to be beaten up a bit for a true roadhouse feel.  It’s too slick.  It needs a few beer bottled throw at the walls.  Maybe some spilled chew cups, blood and lipstick should be incorporated somewhere.  Indoors tin roofs and old road signs set a tone, but it needs roughing up a bit.

The portions and drinks are big as a roadhouse.  Categorized in trucker lingo â€" Short Hauls for appetizers, Extra Cargo for sides, The Garage for pork chops and salmon (?) â€" the plates arrive large, stacked with juicy prime rib, typical burger variations, and Midwestern corn-fed beef.  The Petite Filet Mignon arrived bland.  Specialty drinks arrive in 30-ounce mason jars.  Beers stand tall 23-ounce glasses. 

Owner Ralph Cimmarusti, who own original Roadhouse Grills up and down the Wets Coast including a Lacey location next year with his brother Larry, broke the roar last night with a speech.  “This is our first entry into Washington state,” he stated, “and we chose Federal Way. The city welcomed us and did a great job.
“On Monday, 50 percent of all sales will be donated to the Federal Way Boys & Girls Club.”

Fifty percent on last night’s bar bill went to the Boys & Girls Club too.  Those kids will do well off the Weekly Volcano’s table alone.  Carmen Jones and Suzy Stump were well over 100 ounces each.

Entrees ranger in price from $12 to $21, burgers and entreé salads hover around $9 and Short Hauls are $5 to $7. â€" Jake de Paul