LET'S DO THIS 2011 THING >>>

Ah, the sweet artificiality of the New Year - the reassurance of a clean calendar, of resolutions for self-improvement. And then you pick up the newspaper, and that pure artifice of the change of year, that vagarious demarcation of another arbitrary moment, is rendered meaningless by the inexorably continuing chains of events that know no boundaries defined by pages in a calendar. (Remember, the Chinese and the Jews have their own calendars, no less arbitrary, no more meaningful.)  It's no wonder revelers seem to work so hard trying to have a good time as the countdowns begin.

We here at the Weekly Volcano and Spew hope you had a nice holiday season and we wish you the best all year around.

This week ...

THING: Sabrina T. Scale of Menchie's Frozen Yogurt

STATS: 18 inches square, 20-pound capacity, 6 inch height

COST OF FROZEN YOGURT: 23 cents per ounce

LARGEST YOGURT CUP EVER MEASURED: Four pounds

ALTERNATIVE USES: Bookend, Doorstop, Weapon (if thrown correctly)

FATHER: Richter Scale

BROTHER: D-Minor Scale

WOULD LOVE TO COME BACK AS: A pharmaceutical scale

WOULD HATE TO COME BACK AS: A Weight Watchers scale.

"Just don't ask me about that Interpol song, ‘The Scale,'" insists Sabrina T. Scale, the frozen yogurt scale at Menchie's Frozen Yogurt in Federal Way.

"‘Pick a rose and hide my face?' Are you kidding me? What the hell does that even mean? Nice lyrics, Interpol." 

I immediately knew what song the female scale was talking about. And dammit, I was totally going to slide that into our conversation. But Sabrina came out of the gate with an attitude, so I quickly changed my tone. I wasn't going to be nice this time around.

"You have a very cold, hard personality, Sabrina. What gives?" I asked. 

"Um, have you seen where I work? I'm in a friggen‘ FROZEN YOGURT shop, Einstein. Of course I'm cold and hard. Besides, I sit here on this counter all alone as people chow on delicious, healthy frozen yogurt. They use me for nothing but weight measurement," Sabrina cried, "I feel used and dirty."

In fact, Sabrina was not dirty at all. I know this because I saw the employees at Menchie's clean her, which leads me to believe that along with being cold and hard, she may also be partially blind. Or have no eyes. Yeah, that's what it is. I'm pretty sure Sabrina T. Scale has no eyes.

"How do you know the flavors are delicious if you can't see, Sabrina?" I said as I inquired in a tone that suggested I was brilliant. She explained, "I just know. I can hear them as they switch out toothsome flavors such as Cake Batter and Hawaiian Delight to Butterscotch and Original Tart. It's hell, Steph, pure hell. Except, what hell would be like it if ever froze over."

I glanced around at the 12 yogurt flavors, some of which were either kosher, sugar free, low-carb or dairy-free and most of which were filled with live and active cultures. I also saw 32 candy toppings, eight fresh fruit toppings, six  chocolate-themed toppings and four syrup toppings. Damn, they looked good.

"So, what's up, tubby? You're gonna pick the low-fat yogurt this time, right?" Sabrina hollered in my direction. 

Sigh. Yes, Sabrina, low-fat it is.  Happy F***ing New Year, everyone.

[Menchie's Frozen Yogurt, 1409 South 348th Street, Federal Way, 253.835.2110]

HO HO HO >>

Every year our Christmas dinner has one flaw.  We have no gripes about eating the same menu annually - ham with cherry sauce, green bean casserole, twice-baked potatoes, and freshly baked rolls. It's the Jell-O salad that gets us. 

Our mom makes a strange concoction of dark cherry Jell-O with Coca-Cola and bits of cream cheese, which is not as bad as it sounds, but she serves us a slab on top of a piece of iceberg lettuce.  The lettuce is our mom's way of dressing up a barren salad plate, but the lettuce taste is transferred to the Jell-O.  We end up eating lettuce-flavored Jell-O, and trust us we've protested. 

As we gather around the Christmas dinner table with family and friends - feeling fortunate to even have food, family and friends - no doubt we'll have Jell-O on lettuce again.  We'll eat it, with a smile

What ever this day brings you, the Weekly Volcano staff wishes you a merry one. As always, thanks for reading, commenting and joining the fun. Cheers!

MONDAY, NOV. 22, 2010 >>>

1. Roots reggae describes a style that began taking off on the world stage in the early '70s; by the time it hit the pop charts with Bob Marley, numerous Jamaican studios and producers were regularly adding to the genre's already enormous discography. The cornerstone of that legacy was Studio One, known as the Motown of Jamaica. Founded by Coxsone Dodd in the late '50s, Studio One gave birth to legends such as Marley and the Wailers, Lee Perry, Burning Spear and Dennis Brown. DJ Jason Diamond spins roots reggae every Monday at 9 p.m. inside O'Malley's Irish Pub. Check it out, mon.

2. Shopping-mall North Poles have long been accused of harboring bad Christmas tidings: pinched hindquarters, peppermint-schnapps breath, bribery to skip the line and go straight to the lap. And that's just the elves. Certainly, the North Pole inside The Commons in Federal Way isn't like that. Bring the little ones to see Santa from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m.

3. Mandolin Cafe hosts an Open Mic at 6 p.m. with Denny Foreman and friends.

4. The theme for the Tacoma Cult Movie Club screenings tonight is "Talking Turkey." We have no idea what that means, but EXCITING! As always, besides the main theme flicks, TCMC screens trailers and shorts serials, as well as holds a raffle. It all goes down at 7 p.m. inside the Acme Grub Cage.

5. Imperial Dragon Tacoma - Sixth Avenue. The 16-piece S.R.O. swing bandwill play jazz from '30s and '40s from 7-9 p.m. inside the Imperial Dragon restaurant on Sixth Avenue.

LINK: It's Art at Work month!

LINK: More art and entertainment events in the South Sound

SUNDAY, NOV. 14, 2010 >>>

1. There sure are a lot of film festivals out there, all pompous and bloated, stretching out through days or even weeks with "a bunch of great films." Well, The Swiss Film Festival - packing itself into three short hours tonight beginning at 7 p.m. inside The Swiss - is having none of it. What kind of film festival can you have in only three freakin' hours, you ask? Well, one featuring two films.  In this case, the homemade It Don't Rain on Sunny Days and A Glitch in the System. As if that wasn't enough, Doug Mackey will host the event, which also includes special guest Buddy Budman. If nothing else, there'll be a lot of booze on hand.

2. Vince Guaraldi's iconic jazz score will fill The Grand Cinema beginning at 10 a.m. when the Dugan Foundation presents A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and A Charlie Brown Christmas. The movie is free with one can of pet food or supplies. The Weekly Volcano will be there dancing like Chuck's classmates in the aisles.

3. Eight-time Olympic medalist and former Dancing with the Stars champion Apolo Ohno will sign his book, Zero Regrets, at 1 p.m. inside the Costco in Federal Way.

4. The Tacoma Youth Symphony leaves the gray, wet South Sound for "A Night in Madrid" at 3 p.m. inside the Rialto Theater. The concert will feature music by Manuel de Falla, Isaac Albeniz and guitarist Michael Partington in Rodrigo's Concierto de Aranjuez. 

5. Rich Wetzel's Groovin Higher Orchestra will drop in on Stonegate Pizza jazz-rock to rock and jazz dinner show from 5-8pm.

LINK: Tacoma Art at Work events

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

DINING NEWS, NIBBLES AND BITES >>>

Weekend Of Pork: Chef Charlie McManus is cooking a pig from Cheryl the "Pig Lady" this weekend at Primo Grill. Beginning today and running through Tuesday, you may enjoy a plate of slow roasted pulled pork with fingerling potatoes and caper mint salsa verde. Primo recommends a glass of Walla Walla's Cougar Crest Dedication red blend to go with it. Oh, and don't forget their bolognese pasta!

Beet Tasting: Shawn Sheeran of New Belgium Brewing will visit 99 Bottles in Federal Way) from 4-6 p.m. today. Taste five beers for $2.50.

Wine Tasting: Water To Wine in Gig Harbor will be pouring new wines from Washington for a tasting 2-5 p.m. today.

Future Things Are Coming: Ravenous Restaurant (785 Broadway, Tacoma) will hosts a South African wine tasting dinner at 6:30 p.m. Monday, Oct. 18. The cost is $50 per person. Reserve your space at 253.5723.6374.

Food Matters: A grandmother's old-school cure-all staves off sniffles, but ranges in taste from strong to foul - and that's sort of the point

LINK: 50 local dishes you should try

LINK: Wine tastings today!

DINING NEWS, NIBBLES AND BITS >>>

Perfect Pairing: The Red Hot hosts Jeff The Ice Cream Man for a night of beer and ice cream pairings at 6 p.m. tonight.

Brewer's Night: The 7 Seas Brewing crew will invade The Swiss tonight at ... wait for it ... 7 p.m. with awesome raffle prizes and beer. Some guy named Matt Coughlin will rock the joint, too.

Smoked Beer Night: Beach-Fore Smoked Scotch Ale from Slip Point Brewing of Clallum Bay and Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier Marzen from Mabburg, Germany, are the featured beers from 4-8 p.m. at 99 Bottles in Federal Way. Try two for $1.

Future Things Are Coming: Brix 25 in Gig Harbor presents a dinner featuring late summer crops at 5 p.m. Saturday, Sept. 25 at Peace of the Earth Farm in Rosedale. The cost is $128 per person for the first 24 people. To reserve your spot, call 253.858.6626.

Food Matters: Menu items with 2K+ calories served at Quiznos, Chipotle, and elsewhere.

LINK: Say, do you like happy Hours?

WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 8, 2010 >>>

1. Seattle Theatre Group presents Sweet Dreams, The Music of Patsy Cline inside Tacoma's Rialto Theater at 7:30 p.m. This is STG's second year of gathering together the Northwest's best female singer/songwriters for a run through of Cline's talent. Scheduled to take the stage Wednesday are Star Anna and The Laughing Dogs, Rachel Flotard (of Visqueen), Kristen Ward, Kim Virant (of Lazy Susan), and Victoria Wimer-Contreras. The Broadway Center will host a happy hour before the show that includes backstage tours, a preview of their upcoming season and $1 drinks.

2. Zoe Donnell, the curator of Edo to Tacoma: Japanese Woodblock Prints from the Collection, will discuss the collection and how it came to be at the Tacoma Art Museum then lead a tour of the collection - all beginning at 10:30 a.m.

3. Screw the rain! The World Championship of Sand Sculpting (yes, it really exists!) had been held in Harrison Hot Springs British Columbia for nearly 20 years, but this year it's moving to Federal Way (yes, it's really true!). Kicking off today, the World Championship of Sand Sculpting will draw top-notch sand sculptors (yes, they really exist!) from around the globe to compete in the yearly sand showdown. According to Google Maps, it'll be held in a parking lot near the Gene Juarez Academy and 24 Hour Fitness.

4. Kim Archer and Nick Sandy strum and sing at 7 p.m. inside the Tempest Lounge.

5. Your Girlfriend's Favorite DJ spins during Masa's College Night beginning at 10 p.m. Ladies slide in free before 10 p.m.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

GET YOURS WHILE YOU CAN >>>

It's very rare in the grocery world when something so hot takes over. Backroom receivers are at odds with how to keep their shelves stocked. The trickle down theory ensues and customers bitch at storeowners, storeowners bitch at vendors and vendors bitch at suppliers. It's supply vs. demand. The reality is, there is only so much to go around, and man oh man, I ain't seen nothing like this since the Pop Rocks fad of the '70s.

It all started on KISW 99.9 FM's little radio show The Men's Room. Potty room reference aside, this is a red HOT talk show, with a huge audience and demographic reach. While the show is clearly targeted at the men-folk, women also like to listen in for a look into the world of how men think.

The guys on the show like to drink. Hell, who don't (stole that from Tracy Morgan, SNL)? Enter supremely popular Elysian Brewery in Seattle. They brew a little beer for the guys on the show and call it Men's Room Ale. It sold at the brewery, very drinkable and popular. But that wasn't enough. ...

Soon the guys wanted to see the beer reach a wider audience - like their show. A new beer was brewed call the Men's Room Original Red. Soon it was being poured in more than 150 restaurants and pubs in the Seattle/Tacoma area, with bar managers clamoring for more. They began bottling soon thereafter and then it happened. ...

Grocery stores and specialty beer shops started bringing it in 20, 30, 50 cases at a time. 99 Bottles in Federal Way went through more than 90 cases in a week. Stadium Thriftway went through 15 (which is a lot for this store) and ordered another 20 to be delivered today. What the WHAT? (stole that from Tina Fey. I see a trend here)?

It certainly doesn't hurt that they promote EVERY venue that carries their delicious beer on their radio show. Most importantly, a portion of the net proceed from every Men's Room Original Red sold goes to help support the families of our military vets through the VA Puget Sound Fisher House and Joint Base Lewis-McChord's Fisher House.

I've spoken with many people in the industry, with my personal experience included, and no one has seen a beverage, beer or otherwise create such a frenzy in the marketplace.  Because of the Men's Room Red's popularity, there is only so much to go around and Elysian is trying their best, as is the distributor, to get the beer out as fast as they can.

This beer is a moneymaker for any store. It's basic math really. While the Men's Room Ale retails for $4.49 a bottle at 30 percent mark-up, the profit margin on this beer verses let's say a 22-ounce bottle Budweiser that's priced at $2.35, is pretty significant. Which would you rather sell (or drink)?

Nothing stays on top forever, but I suggest you jump on the bandwagon if you see a bottle of Men's Room Original Red at your grocery store. It may not be there tomorrow. Oh, and I should add it's pretty darn tasty. Hola Bitcholas!

Men's Room Original Red

Sold locally in many specialty beer shops and grocery stores including Stadium Thriftway, Tacoma Boys, 99 Bottles, Abby's on Broadway and more. Click here for a complete list of locations.

LINK: Kris Blondin's Grocery Stories column

RAMPING UP FOR OUR ANNUAL ARTS GUIDE >>>

Whoa, check out the calendar. Fall is on the way. And with the fall comes a slew of fun things to do, buy, eat, hear and more.

Our annual Fall Arts Guide will hit the South Sound streets Thursday, Sept. 9 chocked full of dance, theater, classical music, visual arts, literary suggestions - as well as where to eat and drink before and after the performances.

Added bonus: Tacoma artist Lance Kagey will design the guide's cover.

If you’re a South Sound arts organization, please send us your entire season's calendar here. We don’t want to leave anyone out. Please submit schedules by Friday, Aug. 27.

If you would like to support the Weekly Volcano's keepsake Fall Arts Guide, and reach our powerful, niche market, contact our advertising department at 253.584.1212 or by e-mail here.

Look for the Fall Arts Guide in the Weekly Volcano and at your favorite hangout Sept. 9.