Every New Year's Eve we do it to ourselves. Why? Is it the sweet clink of the ice cubes? The exhilarating pop of the cork? Or just the way the night seems to open up into endless magical possibilities?

Whatever it is, things aren't so magical the next morning. There's nothing glamorous or exhilarating about bloodshot eyes swollen shut. Instead of trying to remember who dropped the poison into your eyeballs, soothe the savage orb with wikiHow's seven steps to cure puffy eyes. You're so welcome.

From everyone at the Weekly Volcano and Spew land, we wish you a happy new year!

LINK: 5 Ways to be a Better (cough) You!

Weekly Volcano's bosses ran the numbers and decided that since you'll all be drunk anyway, there's no use in turning the lights on Christmas Day. So: We'll be back Monday with more frivolity. In the meantime, thanks for reading and commenting this past year. Consider our stockings stuffed.

So "Merry" this and "Happy" that, whatever suits your fancy or your need. Just don't forget the "Ho Ho Ho" that, maybe better than anything else, keeps it all in perspective.

Oh, and Happy New Year. That's unambiguous.

The Weekly Volcano and Spew would like to wish you a Happy Turkey Day! We hope you and a few others huddle around what little warmth there is in a increasingly cold and uncaring universe, sipping, supping, and supporting one another - because there is nothing else worth doing.

Love each other.

Then go find some karaoke.

FRIDAY, OCT. 28, 2011 >>>

1. Walking the line between sanity and madness - or pretending to do so - helps give Halloween its juice. Stripping that path down to historical storytelling heightens the experience in ways that slasher movies can't, because written words conjure up images unique to each individual's cranium. The scare becomes customized. That's the approach taken by The Fort Nisqually Foundation as it celebrates Halloween in the style of past centuries by telling ghost stories around a roaring bonfire from 7-9 p.m. tonight and tomorrow. Once again held inside the walls of Fort Nisqually Living History Museum, "Bonfires, Beaver Pelts & Bogeymen" will send shivers down your spine as storytellers bring forth the spirits of the fur trade.

2. Nancy Fullerton, assistant curator of Latin American Art from the San Antonio Museum of Art, convinced the folks at the Tacoma Art Museum to let the public have a sneak peak of the new exhibition, Folk Treasures of Mexico: The Nelson A. Rockefeller Collection from the San Antonio Museum of Art. The terms of the agreement forces Fullerton to lead a 10:30 a.m. tour of the exhibit and something about a private margarita party. We'll investigate the margarita thing.

3. Orca Books in Olympia welcomes poet Linda Back McKay and photographer Lenny Zimmerman at 7 p.m. to celebrate the release of their new book, The Next Best Thing. McKay is a Minneapolis poet, writer and teaching artist with the Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis, Minn. Zimmerman is an artist and photographer living in Puyallup.

4. Lynn Di Nino has organized another TRIPOD Slide Show inside Madera Architectural Elements in downtown Tacoma. At 7 p.m. Marse Lear, Peter Serko and Kristin Giordano will show their photographic wonders under the theme, "Landscapes For Interior Transformation." Grab a gist of the TRIPOD series here.

5. Doing its part to keep Fircrest's Halloween celebrants from choking on family-friendly pabulum, Wheelz Skate Arena will fill its rink with chainsaw exhaust, dry ice and rock music. Beginning at 8 p.m. the skating complex hosts an all-ages extravaganza of assaultive after-hours entertainment, an invitation for the morbidly curious to skate to the musical stylings of Argonaut, The Fun Police, The Plastards, Verlee For Ransom, as well as DJs Klik and Travis Bakers on the ones and twos. Warning: If Plastards singer Bill becomes enthusiastic with a chainsaw, sit up and take notice.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Movies open today!

BREAKFASTS AND FLASHBACKS >>>

ANNOUNCER: The tiny retail strip at Regents Boulevard and Contra Costa Avenue in Fircrest has two dining options: old-school Italian delicatessen Viafore's and a casual café that has gone by a few names over the years. Remember Spring Lake Cafe, Poppy Seed Cafe or Alia's Sidewalk Café? All three occupied the space; Spring Lake first. Despite changes in ownership, the American menu of sandwiches, salads, soups, desserts, omelets and scrambles-not to mention the décor-remains about the same. The original owners recently reclaimed the business and renamed it Spring Lake Café. Hearing Chef Scott Clement had returned, the boys went to see if all the fuss they've been hearing is warranted.

To read this week's full review click here.

[Spring Lake Café, 616 Regents Blvd., Fircrest, 253.460.0919]

WE'RE A BIG BOY NOW >>>

The Weekly Volcano's "personal" Facebook page is closing in on FB's 5,000 friends limit. Holy wow is right. We've started a "fan" page, which will allow us to compile as many friends/fans as technologically possible. If you're on FB and dig the Volcano's posts, quips, discoveries and news breaks – as well as content that doesn't appear either online or in print – go to facebook.com/weeklyvolcanofanpage and please "like" us.

Bonus: To make you really "like" us, we will enter those who "like" us before 5 p.m. Wednesday, June 8 into a random drawing for a free one night stay for two in a King Deluxe Room at the Hotel Murano. You will need to redeem the room before June 30, 2011.

The new Weekly Volcano Facebook page will also be your guide to exclusive Weekly Volcano events, promotions, blogs and photos.

Thank you!

LINK: Like us

THE POLLS ARE NOW OPEN >>>

Spring is in the air.

This means lust is in the air - and in the pages of the Weekly Volcano.

Once again, the Volcano is unleashing The Sexy Issue, giving one and all the chance to gaze at the sexiest people in the South Sound - as voted on by all of you, our dear readers.

Our annual celebration of the flesh, The Sex Issue is the Weekly Volcano's way of showcasing the South Sound's sexiest denizens - and by denizens we don't mean celebrities; we're talking about regular dudes and dudettes who just happen to look sexy as hell. Not just cliché sex appeal, of no relation to AXE Deodorant Body Spray campaigns, and certainly much more than mere looks, the Volcano Sexy Issue attempts to answer simple question: What defines sexiness in the South Sound?

This year, we are asking you to nominate the person who makes you all hot and bothered in the following categories: Bartender, Barista, Delivery Person, Real Estate Agent, Athlete, Servicemember, Drummer, Tattoo Artist and Mom.

On Thursday, June 2, the Weekly Volcano will publish The Sexy Issue, immortalizing the sexy, chosen few forever.

Help us find them.

Voting ends May 12 - so help the Weekly Volcano find the South Sound's hottest citizens. Vote today!

Vote for the South Sound's sexiest people (please include where they work):

LET'S DO THIS 2011 THING >>>

Ah, the sweet artificiality of the New Year - the reassurance of a clean calendar, of resolutions for self-improvement. And then you pick up the newspaper, and that pure artifice of the change of year, that vagarious demarcation of another arbitrary moment, is rendered meaningless by the inexorably continuing chains of events that know no boundaries defined by pages in a calendar. (Remember, the Chinese and the Jews have their own calendars, no less arbitrary, no more meaningful.)  It's no wonder revelers seem to work so hard trying to have a good time as the countdowns begin.

We here at the Weekly Volcano and Spew hope you had a nice holiday season and we wish you the best all year around.

HO HO HO >>

Every year our Christmas dinner has one flaw.  We have no gripes about eating the same menu annually - ham with cherry sauce, green bean casserole, twice-baked potatoes, and freshly baked rolls. It's the Jell-O salad that gets us. 

Our mom makes a strange concoction of dark cherry Jell-O with Coca-Cola and bits of cream cheese, which is not as bad as it sounds, but she serves us a slab on top of a piece of iceberg lettuce.  The lettuce is our mom's way of dressing up a barren salad plate, but the lettuce taste is transferred to the Jell-O.  We end up eating lettuce-flavored Jell-O, and trust us we've protested. 

As we gather around the Christmas dinner table with family and friends - feeling fortunate to even have food, family and friends - no doubt we'll have Jell-O on lettuce again.  We'll eat it, with a smile

What ever this day brings you, the Weekly Volcano staff wishes you a merry one. As always, thanks for reading, commenting and joining the fun. Cheers!

TRUE OLD SCHOOL NEIGHBORHOOD COFFEEHOUSE >>>

Neighborhood: Fircrest

Address/phone: 1009 Regents Blvd., 253.564.3066

Hours: 5:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday-Friday, 6:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. Saturday, 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. Sunday

Standard Cup o' Joe: $1.24-$2.16

Bean Source: "We roast our own beans daily," says the morning baristas.

Crowd: Fircrest locals, dads in North Face apparel, and seniors providing a battle ground for White Shoulders by Evyan and Aviance Night Musk by Prince Matchabelli to face off.

Soundtrack: Often too low to hear over the crowd, but I have caught "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's, Taylor Swift's "Love Story" and "My Heart Is The Worst Kind of Weapon" by Fall Out Boy.

WiFi: Yes

Noshing/Sipping: Bakery goods, breakfast sandwiches, 10 sandwiches (including three different turkey pairings, chicken salad, shrimp croissant), soups, salads, and specials. Most items are made in-house. The sandwiches and soups are tasty. They offer all the standard espresso drinks, plus ice cream shakes and fruit smoothies.

Bonus: Their in-house made buttery scones are 99 cents during the Puyallup Fair. They've recently added a hummus plate. They sport a drive-thru window, but it's a tight squeeze in a small parking lot. Morning sun reaches the front outdoor deck.

The House:

As any of the loyal regulars will tell you, Espresso Yourself makes a perfect home away from home. Located off the turnabout on Regents Boulevard this cozy spot is the perfect refuge from the cold community center, overcrowded retirement community dining hall, and undercaffeinated library rooms. For a chunk of the Fircrest population, it provides a spot to show off pictures of the grandchildren and catch up with friends. Over the summer, the outside deck was a sea of North Face warm-up jackets worn by men discussing outdoor adventures and the stock market.

Inside, the room resembles an apartment complex community room, but with cool antique coffee signs and accessories. Seven low tables and three hightops give just enough room to squeeze by, providing an opportunity to catch a glimpse of Marge's 7-year-old grandson, Mikey.