MONDAY

For years, the Greta Jane Quartet played every Monday at the Royal Lounge. "Quartet of what?" you ask, as yet unhip to Ms. Greta Jane Pederson's jazz combo featuring Cary Black, Vince Brown, and Andrew Dorsett. In your world, jazz is the Pandora station your boss makes you listen to at work. Well, prepare to get schooled! In the Quartet's nimble hands, jazz was powerfully sexy, just the thing to settle a body down after another manic Monday. Imagine a snifter of Maker's Mark and pretty ladies in cocktail gloves. That's right, cocktail gloves! It's my fantasy, damnit! Anywho, happy days are here again, as the Quartet resumes its Monday night ritual at 4th Ave Tav beginning Jan. 23.

[4th Avenue Tavern, Jazz With Greta Jane, 9-11 p.m., no cover, 210 Fourth Ave. E., 360.705.0760]

TUESDAY

"Sausage grinder!" "Four ladies chain!" "Couple switcheroo!" Those exhortations may sound like the sweaty culmination of a '70s key party, but they're actually square dance calls from the songbook of the Oly Old-Time Music Class. That's a combination classroom audit and jam session of traditional music from the American heartland. Oly Old-Time began five years ago as a club for banjo artists, but has expanded to include guitar, fiddle, and a raft of more niche instruments including washboards, spoons, the ukulele, and whatever the hell a bouzouki is. The group also performs frequently at the Urban Onion. "In and out with a half sashay!" You dirty birds.

[Oly Old-Time Music Class, 7-9 p.m., free, 1974 Orchard Dr. NW, www.OlyOldTime.org]

WEDNESDAY

As I struggled with the first draft of my debut novel, the Olympia Writers Critique Group (I swear, that's missing an apostrophe...) was a free but invaluable resource. Where else could I find people willing to listen as I read barely polished work? The only cost was returning the favor, and I was surprised how advanced much of the work was. My fellow scribes offered intelligent feedback in the same breath as sympathetic encouragement. The OWCG meets on alternating Wednesdays and Thursdays inside Barnes & Noble, plus additional Saturday afternoons. Write on! ... See, that was exactly the kind of pun the Group would've immediately encouraged me to delete.

[Barnes & Noble, Olympia Writers Critique Group, 7-9 p.m., free, 1530 Black Lake Blvd. SW, www.OlympiaWriters.org]

THURSDAY

Remember that sudden swing dancing craze about 10 years ago? I was living in Hollywood at the time, and my roommates were regulars at the Brown Derby, so I enjoyed a crash course in the lush life. That craze left town before I did, but its timeless, elegant beauty lives on at OlySwing. You could visit the Beginning Swing lessons every Tuesday, or you could learn swing's Africanist cousin, blues dancing, on Thursdays. Blues dancing derives from the so-called "Black vernacular" of Southern dance styles and includes such moves as the Lindy and the irresistibly named "Funky Butt." Worst case scenario: you have two left feet but get to listen to Nina Simone.

[Olympia Eagles Ballroom, OlyBlues Dance, $5, 9 p.m. to midnight, 805 E. Fourth Ave., 360.943.4010]

FRIDAY

Forgive me, but I'm obliged to expose your dirty secret. Each week you look at our events calendar and dream of going out on the town, but you'll do no such thing. You are a hostage. You've been imprisoned in your own home by a shrill, egocentric little tyrant: i.e., your preschool child. We know your secret shame. Now, exhausted friends, there is hope. Take that snot-nosed dictator to the Hands On Children's Museum, where he or she or it will be led through activity stations, story time, and an art project both fun and educational. Best of all, you'll be home early, so you can put that ungrateful child to bed and drink alone in the kitchen like a normal parent.

[Hands On Children's Museum, PlayWise, 5:30-7:30 p.m., free with $7.95 museum admission, 106 11th Ave. SW, 360.956.0818]

SATURDAY

I improvised for 20 minutes on stage once, but that was because a prop got lost and our show was in freefall. Believe me, it's a lot more fun when actors plan to not plan. Of course, quality improv comedy is never entirely made up on the spot. It takes weeks of preparation to create hilarity "on the spot." Without considerable homework, extemporaneous comedy can fall on its pasty face faster than Bella Swan. I'm a huge fan of the Groundlings, but an even bigger fan of not seeing lousy improv. Luckily, the comic actors of Fools Play Improv have been honing their craft for 18 years. In addition, they perform at Mud Bay Coffee, so you know they'll be suitably amped.

[Mud Bay Coffee Company, Fools Play Improv, $5, 8-10 p.m., 1600 Cooper Point Rd. SW, 360.754.6222]

SUNDAY

You know what I like? Movies. You know what I like even more? Classic movies, preferably from the '80s (my formative years, aka a prehistoric era which ended years before our average reader was conceived). You know what I like even more than that? Classic movies and drinking! Brace yourself for the grueling week ahead by taking in a flick, a cold beer, and all the free popcorn you can stuff down your gullet at the Brotherhood Lounge's Sunday Movie Night. You'll be treated to such dubious cultural milestones as RoboCop and They Live, all on the Brotherhood's nine-foot-screen with surprisingly intense sound. Then hang around after the movie to jam along with DJ James and discuss the finer nuances of Roddy Piper's performance till it's officially Monday.

[The Brotherhood Lounge, Movie Night, 7 p.m. to 1 a.m., no cover, 119 Capitol Way N., 360.352.4153]

MONDAY

As a popular poet once noted, "Makin' your way / in the world today / takes everything you've got." Yes, it's back to the coal mines, tired already from late partying at the BroHo. You need something to soak up that beer, and an artist with mad flow to screw your head on straight. We float you home, Gentle Reader, on the soothing cadences of Poetry Night at al Forno Ferruzza. That's right, it's a full-on poetry slam, slathered in delicious mozzarella. Your lingering hangover demands this. An offshoot of a beloved Portland pizzeria, al Forno offers hearty calzones and pies, a range of wines at $7 a half-carafe, and now, THE KNOWLEDGE. Preach it.

[al Forno Ferruzza, Poetry Night, 8-10 p.m., free with meal, 406 Fourth Ave., 360.292.1095]

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