I'll keep repeating this until I'm sure we all get it: I can only review the show you show me.

There was no sane reason for Theater Artists Olympia to invite me to see Cannibal! The Musical eight days early. I double-checked; that's how they wanted it. Perhaps director Pug Bujeaud, who directed a production of this show five years ago, assumed it was a slam dunk. It wasn't. Perhaps the company values publicity over praise. Is it possible the show will find its footing by opening night? Of course. Hell, I hope so, and it certainly wouldn't be the first time one last week of rehearsal saved a company's bacon ... but again, I saw Cannibal! eight days early. And the fact remains that what I saw last Thursday was unworthy of an audience, be they professional critics or undiscriminating well-wishers; so that's the show I'll be reviewing herein.

If you've seen any episode of South Park, you know it can be brilliant and brain-dead, all in the same 30 seconds. The same goes for Trey Parker and Matt Stone's previous projects, including Team America: World Police and this show, originally a glorified student film. I've actually met the guys and like them, and I gather their new Broadway musical The Book of Mormon is terrific, but let's face it: This script will never threaten Some Like It Hot on the AFI's comedy list. It boasts only a handful of solid jokes, so it's to TAO's credit that its production earns laughs from asides and ad libs. Unfortunately, just as many quips hail from the "yes, we've seen Star Wars" school of parody endemic on Family Guy - a style of "humor" Parker and Stone have since savaged on South Park.

Here's what worked in rehearsal: The band. Dave Beacham as the incessantly optimistic Swan. Christian Doyle as the single-minded Alferd Packer, and Christine Pearch-Goode as Liane, the equine object of his affection. About half of the seven songs (and, yes, half of seven is a mixed number). The aforementioned asides. A dilettante enthusiasm one might generously refer to as "scrappy."

Now. Here's what didn't: The tech; the lights didn't work, by which I mean they wouldn't go on or off. Sound effects. The sets weren't all painted, and there weren't enough techies to move them around. The fight scenes, which started energetically but overstayed their welcome. The gore, because it wasn't completed. The costumes, which surely weren't finished. The dozen kids wandering numbly around the stage. The stage manager and director jumping into scenes to nudge their show into gear. The singing, by and large, as actors were obliged to bellow over the rock combo, and some couldn't find a key with GPS. To be fair, though, they were struggling with the acoustics of their performance space; viz, the basement of Eagles Hall.

TAO cannibalized its biggest hit and gambled on inviting us way too early. Say it with me: I can only review the show you show me. Fair enough?

Cannibal! The Musical

April 15-May 1, 8 p.m. Thursday-Saturday, 2:30 p.m. Sunday, $15,
Theater Artists Olympia, 805 Fourth Ave. E., Olympia
360.357.3471