To Mike Squires, Zakk Wylde is a true guitar hero - as much as any living player. This was Mike's first trip to Japan, and he had only been playing in Loaded for a few months - there hadn't been an abundance of run-ins with the likes of a Zakk Wylde in his career. Rolling into backstage of an Ozzy show - IN JAPAN - as a member of a dude from Guns N' Roses new band would surely have been a dream come true. Mike had always been in awe of Zakk's playing, and was extremely excited at the possibility of meeting him - and living a little bit of the rock n' roll dream that comes along with rubbing shoulders with such a force of guitar-shredding nature.

We had heard all along that the Ozzy show would be the night after we arrived, giving us ample time to rest (not likely) - or at least un-jet lag once we landed.  We were all more than a little letdown when we heard otherwise. Duff had shared a few Zakk stories with us, and Mike had conjured what he thought was a pretty good take on what sort of fellow this Mr. Wylde might be. Funny... and wild - like his name. Not mean, or surly - mostly just funny. And also wild. So when it turned out we arrived the same night as Ozzy's performance, thus ensuring the impossibility of us attending, Mike was really disappointed. 

After landing and hitting the hotel we somehow heard there was a chance Zakk would be at the Rock Rock bar. Mike got pumped again - really excited. But as we get to the bar, it started to hit him. What do you say to a guy like Zakk Wylde? Regardless of what kind of dude he ends up being, this is a guy you have idolized. It's the meeting of a hero. What do you say to a walking legend? Sure, it occurs to Mike that a dude is a dude is a dude, and Zakk still wipes his own ass, has two arms and two legs - but Squires was just a little green in the meeting rock stars department and therefore a little bit intimidated.  And good god, it was fucking Zakk Wylde for Christ sakes. Who wouldn't be?

Mike remembers getting out of the elevator and going into the bar, and it being a really wild scene. This tiny little bar with music SCREAMING out of the speakers and lots Japanese tranniess. He also remembers being taller than everyone in the place except for Zakk and Duff.   Zakk was in his full on Matrix/Biker get up, and Mike recalls being struck and awed by the fact that it was actually him. There's that dude that IS Zakk Wylde.

Mike stood "across" the room - a few paces - from the two rock legends, knocking back a few drinks and trying to get his nuts up to walk over and introduce himself. He watched as the Duff and Zakk caught up, with Zakk doing most of the talking. At some point, Zakk noticed Mike looking their direction and started to return the attention. It's impossible to say how long Mike waited, or how many drinks he had, but at least twenty minutes later he still hadn't gone over to say hello. It was obvious that Zakk was now unimpressed with the only other big guy in the room who kept staring in his direction. The longer Mike waited, the more unimpressed Zakk's return stink-eye became. It now became not a matter of if Mike would take the plunge but when.  In the back of Mike's mind he held solace in the impression he had established of Zakk - as a funny, fun, wild guy.  

Eventually he made his way over.

When he arrived and Zakk was in the middle of saying something. Duff gave Mike a slight dude nod and a little "what's up?" slap on the shoulder. Zakk didn't even pretend to notice, let alone stop what he was saying to acknowledge a third had been added to the conversation. It was obvious he was not impressed with this moron that'd been eye-fucking him from across the room for the last half hour. After Zakk finished, Duff leans in and screams something, at which point Zakk's face lights up with an "Oh! You play with this guy" look of recognition. Just like that, the game changed, and Mike was Zakk's bro. What an awesome a relief. Like he had been "beaten in" to Zakk's gang and was now a member, this seemed like it would truly be a night to remember for Mike.  

In a completely unsurprising gesture of bro-dom, Zakk threw his arm around Mikes neck, so that Zakk's forearm was right next to Mikes face - like they were about to have their picture taken and were the best of pals. Then a few seconds go by, and instead of taking his arm back, he leaves it, lowers and tightens his forearm around Mike's neck a little, as if staking claim to a conquered piece of property. All in all - still full on bro-seph style behavior. After about ten seconds, it was like Mike was in an Uncle's headlock about to receive noogies. He's had to be thinking how really weird and cool it all was. Zakk Wylde has me in a Bro-headlock. 

And then it just stayed that way. It just went on. And on.  It wasn't changing.

Not much seemed to be changing when Mike first started to try to get Zakk's attention - starting with a few pats on the shoulder. I guess you could say he was trying to tap out. "Hey, dude, let me up," Mike's pats were trying to say. A few more pats on the shoulder with growing urgency and then few a firmer pats on the back were finally rewarded with freedom. 

Clearly relieved and a little taken aback, the first thing Squires says, and he has to yell it, because you have to yell anything to be heard at the Rock Rock was "JESUS CHRIST, I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO CHEW MY WAY OUTTA THERE."

At this point - unintentionally on Mike's part - the dynamic changed for the final time. Mike didn't know it yet, but his dream of being Zakk's bro for life had just turned into a nightmare.

Mike, still clinging to his notion of Zakk being a fun, wild guy, didn't smell the danger when Zakk growled/screamed back " OH, YOU WANNA TAKE A BITE OUTTA ME?"

"Uh no, man, I just wanted to stand up" Mike says laughing, followed by "Its all kind of funny" and "I got a buzz."

"Yeah, man, I had to get outta your head lock," Mike concluded with. It was all very innocent.  

It should have been obvious the joke was over, but Zakk started puffing up. It was go time. He got as close to Mike as he was when he had him in a head lock, only now they were face to face, and Zakk was NOT a broseph.

At this point, Zakk is yelling all sorts of evil shit at Mike, culminating with him sweeping his leather trench coat aside, gunfighter style, to expose his wallet chain - which was something more likely to be found mooring up a naval vessel than securing someone's wallet. It was a method of - not so casually - threatening to wrap it around Mike's neck and choke the life out of him. Unfortunately, Mike still thought he was joking. He thought it was pretty weird, but still somehow kind of funny. He still NEEDED it to be a joke. The alternative was madness. Impossible madness. He MUST be joking. Right?

But Zakk was getting closer and closer, and angrier and angrier - and his face was all red and...

Mike finally realized he was in trouble. Through the entire process, Duff was standing less than a foot away - thinking they were getting along famously. All Duff saw was Mike laughing and Zakk shouting, and Mike laughing and Zakk shouting some more - which made sense since it was so loud in there that you literally had to scream to be heard.

But it's not joke and Mike is finally realizing this - turning white as a ghost. "This guy is going to kill me", he thinks to himself. He briefly weighed his chances in an altercation, and couldn't put himself at better than ten to one odds of living.

Mike decided honesty is the best policy. He leans into Zakk and screams, "I THINK WE HAVE HAD A TERRIBLE MISUNDERSTANDING."

Zakk, wasted and a touch cock-eyed at this point in the evening, is unprepared for this vicious new tactic. As far as he's concerned, it's go time and they are both on board. As he tries to focus on what's being said and who is saying it, Mike finishes with the only move he feels open to him. He leans in again and screams, "ZAKK, I AM LEAVING, YOU CAN HAVE THE BAR."  

Squires, a man true to his word, got the fuck out of there as fast as he could.

PART ONE: Geoff goes off to Japan ... again

PART TWO: ZAkk Wylde enjoys "brother blows"

Drummer Geoff Reading - who writes a bi-weekly online column (Fridays) for the Weekly Volcano called "Holding Down the 253" in addition to his weekly Wednesday music column - has played music in tons of Northwest bands - Green Apple Quick Step, New American Shame, Top Heavy Crush and most recently Duff McKagan's LOADED - to name but a few. He's toured the world several times over, sharing stages with the likes of Slipknot, The Cult, Buckcherry, Korn, Journey, The Sex Pistols, Nine Inch Nails and on and on. He has called Tacoma home since 2005, and lives in the North End with his wife and son.