Weekly Volcano co-publisher Pappi Swarner and I have a little game we play called "Wish I Were There." It involves coming up with the best live show ever played by a band, and then relating how, obviously, we wish we were there. Most selections come from obscure shows of the London punk era, ‘50s Harlem jazz, Woodstock or the gritty rising of rock in small lounge venues. After every entry into the game, there's a collective sigh of angst for having missed such a historic musical event.

With tribute bands, my friends, those shows can be relived.

Here in the great Pacific Northwest, or more specifically the South Sound, I present you a go-to list of local tribute bands. Ladies, let's all go prepared and bring along an extra bra to throw up on stage.

And for those about to rock, I salute you.

The Tropical Zone

• Tribute to: Jimmy Buffet
• Founded: 2005
• Members: One, Dave Calhoun
• Available to the ladies?: Nope.
• Music genre: Tropical rock
• Favorite Venues: The Spar, Woody's on the Water
• Dave Calhoun's favorite tune: "A Pirate Looks at 40"
• Audience's favorite tune: "Margaritaville," duh!
• Dream duet partner: Angela Jossey or Martina McBride
• Website: tropzone.net
• Upcoming shows: Feb. 19 and 26 at Piranha Joe's in Burien

Dave Calhoun, founding and sole member of the Pacific Northwest's only Jimmy Buffett tribute band, takes pride in calling this his "real job." Other tribute bands live as legal professionals and handymen by day, only to transform into superheroes of rock homage come nightfall. Calhoun, however, is one of the lucky few.

With his very real-looking animatronic parrot, Squawkers McCaw, by his side, Calhoun was able to quit his job selling boats in Gig Harbor over a year ago.  Now with an average of 15-20 shows a month during the summer, and almost every weekend booked in the winter, Buffet fans in the PNW need not look far for a taste of tropical paradise.

The American Night

• Tribute to: The Doors
• Founded: 2005
• Members: Four
• Eligible bachelors: One
• Most popular performance: Dinner with The Doors Argosy Cruise
• Band's favorite tune: "When the Music's Over"
• Audience's favorite tune: "Light My Fire"
• One word: Unpredictable
• Website: theamericannight.com
• Next local show: March 1 at Red Wind Casino

Traveling proves to be a successful option for this popular tribute band. When choosing where to perform, selling out more shows on the road than at home makes a compelling argument for getting the fuck out of town. Though profitable for this premier Doors tribute band, it plain ol' sucks for us local folks. 

Nate Christian is the quintessential Jim Morrison.  He performs with co-members Rob Simpson (keyboard), Milo Anderson (guitar) and Brett Rudy (drummer). To have a perfect "recreation of a live Doors concert," says Christian, is what this group strives to achieve. 

But don't think with all the love I have for This American Night I didn't at least try and squeeze in some sarcasm. "So, do you guys give away ‘Door' prizes at your shows?" I asked. I laughed hysterically, feeling brilliant as I waited for their answer.

No one else laughed.  I don't think they got it.

Soul Stripper

• Tribute to: AC/DC
• Founded: 2005
• One of the founding fathers: Howard Comfort
• Most eligible bachelor: Kenny Wood (aka Blonde Johnson)
• Band's favorite tunes: "Live Wire" and "Soul Stripper"
• Audience's favorite tunes: "Shook Me All Night Long" and "Back in Black"
• Website: soulstripper.net
• Upcoming shows: Feb. 19 at Stonegate Pizza in Tacoma

Admittedly, I'm a little heartbroken that these guys are not performing until April 1 at one of my ALL TIME favorite dive bars, Kamel Toe Bar & Grill. There's something about an ice-cold Bud Light in a bottle, stripper poles, a huge pink furry swing, a semi-private make-out room and the righteous tunes of AC/DC pumping through my veins that makes me so goddamn giddy.

Soul Stripper consists of Brian Martinez (guitar), Barry Lober (bass), Bob Balcolm (drums), Brian Comfort (guitar) and Kenny Wood (vocals) - who permeate the public airwaves of local bars with pure AC/DC rock at a rate of approximately every other weekend.

When asked if hazardous situations occurred on stage due to an abundance of ladies undergarments being tossed in their general direction, guitarist Howard Comfort laughed. He then confessed that their performance does in fact get faster, louder and harder when a woman's breast makes an appearance. "We see a lot of boobs," reveals Comfort. "It's the saggy ones we could do without." 

Kashmir

• Tribute to: Led Zepplin
• Founded: About three years ago
• Founding member: Terry Mriglot
• Self-inflicted (and accidental) injuries on stage: Tons
• Eligible bachelor: Terry Mriglot
• Most popular item thrown on stage: Bra
• Audience's favorite tune: "Stairway to Heaven"
• Website: myspace.com/sandsofkashmir
• Upcoming shows: Feb. 19 at Stonegate Pizza in Tacoma 

He has the hair, he has the voice and, hot damn, he has the moves. Kashmir lead vocalist Terry Mriglot IS Robert Plant. As I sit at my favorite dive bar, Kamel Toe, and sip on a Bud Light, I am transfixed by Mriglot and how passionate he is about his music. He has Led Zeppelin in his heart, and there is not a doubt in my mind that this guy was meant to entertain.

After forming No Quarter (a separate local Led Zeppelin tribute band) 10 years ago, Mriglot moved on to establish Kashmir in 2007. Already popular, his current tribute band of Dan Benz (guitar), Scott Carothers (drums) and Rich Rios (bass) takes the stage with the goal of making you really believe that you've been hijacked and taken to an actual Led Zeppelin show. 

And after a few of bartender Rabbit's drinks at Kamel Toe, I'm easily hijacked.

46&2

• Tribute to: Tool
• Founded: More than two years ago
• Practice space: Jamie Blacksmith's house
• Eligible bachelors in band: None
• Yoko Ono of the group: Linda Farr, backup singer
• Number of Tool songs in their repertoire: Fifteen and counting
• Length of one Tool song equals: Two very long pop songs
• Band's favorite venue: 4th Avenue Tavern, Olympia
• Website: 46and2oly.com

"God help you if you screw up," sighs Kevin Saint, 46&2 lead vocalist and Maynard James Keenan sit-in. "You can play the notes, but if you hit the wrong one it throws everyone off - and the fans can tell." 

The band members of 46&2 tell me that after being a Top 40 cover band for a few years, they became tired of playing Nickleback and decided to change their name and become a dedicated Tool tribute band. For diehard Tool fans, the lack of Tool tour dates is a sad reality, so having a realistic Tool alternative is definitely a treat.

This thriving Olympia-based tribute band consists of Andy Garness (percussion), Jamie Blacksmith (bass), Chris Gizzi (guitar) and Kevin Saint (vocals). As we conversed about the band, I wondered if they minded being referred to as "a bunch of tools."

Ah, nevermind, I couldn't ask. Maynard always did scare me.

Hell's Belles

• Tribute to: AC/DC
• Gender: All female, baby!
• Band's collective bra size: AC/DDDDC
• Band's favorite song: Too many to list
• Audience favorite: "You Shook Me All Night Long" and "Highway to Hell"
• Most injuries: Adrian "Angus" Conner
• Website: hellsbelles.com
• Next show: March 5 at Hell's Kitchen in Tacoma

Even the local competing AC/DC tribute band, Soul Stripper, gave props to these young ladies. To be quite honest, this tribute band interview was by far my favorite. Maybe it was the whole "girl power" thing, or maybe it was simply how damn sexy they are, but they really do rock - on stage and in real life.

Mandy Reed (bass guitar), Adrian Conner (lead guitar), Lisa Brisbois (rhythm guitar), Laura D. (drums) and Amber Saxon (lead vocals) currently make up this balls-to-the-wall, all-girl rock-hard revue. I urge you to check out their next show, March 5 at Hell's Kitchen in Tacoma. Breasts, beer and head-bangin' - all of life's pleasures in one place.

The ladies of Hell's Belles were so much fun, and such great sports, that there's no way I could even attempt to re-create our interview here in this little blurb you're reading now. For a fun read, and to get down to the REAL questions I asked, check out the Weekly Volcano's blog, Spew.

Cold Shot

• Tribute to: Stevie Ray Vaughan
• Formed: More than two years ago
• Founding member: Roger Olsen
• Eligible bachelor in band: Roger Olsen
• Music genre: Blues, Rock
• Band's favorite tune: "Riviera Paradise"
• Audience's favorite tune: "Voodoo Chile"
• Website: thecoldshotband.com
• Upcoming shows: March 5 at Uncle Sam's in Spanaway

Frontman and founder of Cold Shot Roger Olsen fell in love with the blues genre upon his first introduction to Jimi Hendrix's "Red House." Rogers teamed up with friends Chuck Gilroy (bass / vocals) and Gary Davis (drums); and this astounding tribute to one of America's greatest guitarists and blues musicians steals the hearts of many a lady in the crowd.

You'd think being the only single man, and being lead vocalist in a hot blues band would be a no-brainer choice for women. "Actually, it's kinda funny. The woman always seem to go for the drummer," laughs Olsen. 

Hmmmm, that is funny. I bet the way into a girl's panties is through her heart, right? Play with her emotions a little, that should work. I asked Olsen if the band's music has ever made women cry. "Yes. I used to do a song by Ray Charles called "Hard Times" and for some reason, people really relate to that song. I've seen women cry and men ‘well up‘ when I play it," he answers.

Excellent. I now know yet another brilliant way to make men cry.

2112

• Tribute to: Rush
• Formed: More than two years ago
• Founding member: David Jaedyn Conley
• Genre: Progressive rock from Canada, eh
• Drink of choice while rehearsing: Tall boy beers
• Band's favorite tune: "Limelight" or "Red Barchetta"
• Audience's favorite tune: "Tom Sawyer"
• Website: tributetorush.com

I think 2112 is probably my favorite local band to rock out with in this whole tribute-band issue, with Rush being my favorite band out of all those being paid homage to. I'm no die-hard fanatic as some Rush fans are, but I can definitely hang with most when it comes to respecting their brilliant lyrics and indisputably ironic musical timing.

That's just my opinion. I love Rush. Hell, I'm even playing air guitar to "Freewill" as I write this.

Take a listen for yourself as David Jaedyn Conley (guitar, vocals, keyboards), Gary Guzman (drums, percussion) and Robert Gardunia ( bass, keyboards) strike the fire under your ass with a both musically and visually stunning live performance.

As hard as I tried to find Conley in compromising positions by asking crude, risqué questions during our interview, the dude never flinched. Calm, cool and collected - one for intellectual diatribe and quirky jokes, professionally-trained Conley geeks out to Star Wars and composes background music for high-profile studio films in his free time. 

What a bunch of dorks. But hot damn how those dorks can jam!