Ladies and gentlemen, in this column, Metal Home Companion, it will be my duty to provide you with sensitive information concerning the domestication of metal and rock music's most gritty performers. I shall attempt to peel back a musical artist‘s hardcore exterior and reveal their soft, personal side through their advice for the home, garden and kitchen.

For my debut column, I present to you Jonny Smokes.

I think it's a safe guess that the number one reason Jonny Smokes remains single is because of his current involvement in five (yes, I said five) performing music entities. 

Due to your limited bathroom break time in which I assume you're reading this column, I'll quickly list all forms of Jonny Smokes' musical brilliance: Jar of Flies (Alice in Chains tribute), Outshined (Soundgarden tribute), Jonny Smokes (solo), Astro-Creep (White Zombie tribute), and Warrel Dane (solo band, Nevermore and Sanctuary).

With a thrash-ridden resume as deep and cut-throat as someone paired with Warrel Dane, Smokes means business when it comes to rock, metal and prog-rock performances.  This Friday Smokes will accompany both Jar of Flies and Outshined at the Backstage Bar & Grill, and in three weeks leaves for Italy to do some time with good ol' Warrel Dane.

Take it from me: the dude hardly has time for a girlfriend, kids or any type of extra-curricular domestication other than polishing his 15 sweat-stained guitars.

After a small amount of prodding, Smokes reminisces on his childhood in Reno, Nevada, and tells me his mom's remedy for getting rid of pesky bugs in a fruit and vegetable garden.

Step 1: Collect all bugs which are infiltrating your garden and causing harm.

Step 2: Put all collected bugs into a blender.

Step 3: Blend with water.

Step 4: Fill spray bottle with bug mixture.

Step 5: Spray bug mixture onto garden once affected by bugs.

Step 6: Watch your garden flourish.

When asked if Smokes uses this bug recipe for his own garden, he confided that he does in fact grow a garden in his back yard every year, but, alas, he doesn't use his mom's bug mixture garden tip. "All we have here are slugs. Last year I lined the outside of my garden with pennies so that the copper would keep the slugs away, and it worked!" he shared.

Next time, I'm weaseling out Jonny Smokes's zucchini bread recipe. I know he has one.  And although his rough rocker exterior has been shattered for now, this Friday he'll be in full force.

BACKSTAGE BAR & GRILL, OUTSHINED, JARS OF FLIES, FRIDAY, APRIL 6, 9 P.M., ALL AGES UNTIL 11 P.M., 6409 SIXTH AVE., TACOMA, 253.564.0149