SEXY BIO

(Submitted by Tricia and written by her friend Chuck Dula)

Tricia Irwin's unbearably sexy body was forged in the fiery furnaces of Mauna Loa, the largest active volcano in the world. Growing up, Tricia was sexier than you. At the age of 15, she made her first appearance on the cover of the Tacoma School District's sex education textbook. Tricia's ass is perfect. At 21, she broke her first sweat - which was immediately bottled and manufactured as Coco Chanel #9. Finally, when Tricia dies in a proverbial "blaze of glory," sexy will never come back. Also ...

1. Tricia means "sexy" in Hebrew.

2. Tricia's saliva is an alternative fuel used to power the majority of all Toyota Prius.

3. All her suitors bring a U-haul with all of their belongings to the first date.

4. When Chuck Norris has sex he thinks about Tricia.

RELATIONSHIP WITH TACOMA

Polygamist

DEFINITION OF SEXY

Arousing or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest

THE HONOR, THE FUTURE

Pretty honored. Get it? Pretty. I'll probably order my friends to carry me around on a couch.

BIGGEST TACOMA TURN-ONS

Mirrors

BIGGEST TACOMA TURN-OFFS

What? You mean you can be turned off by something?

TACOMA'S SEXIEST PERSON?

Nils the mechanic and Jan from the 7-Eleven on I Street. If they were one person their name would be Janils.

PEOPLE CAN FIND YOU BEING SEXY AT ...

Wild Waves or Home Plate Tavern. Basically, anywhere I can wear my bathing suit.

ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO ADD?

No. I'm not good with numbers.

A SEXY PLACE FOR FOOD AND DRINKS: Doyle’s Public House, 208 Saint Helens Ave., 253.272.7468, doylespublichouse.com