Earlier this year, Scots voted to remain part of the United Kingdom by an over-10% margin. This surprised many commentators, who remarked on the centuries-long history of British nobles treating the good people of Scotland like unwashed, uncultured barbarians. In 1747, for example, our shared nemesis King George III banned any donning of the kilt, tartan, "or any part whatsoever of what peculiarly belongs to the Highland garb." The penalty for a first offense was six months in jail. Repeat offenders were exiled "to any of his Majesty's plantations beyond the seas" for seven years. Thus it wasn't until 1863 that Scotland saw the return of cherished traditional society events, at which participants were free to sing, dance and compete in the manner of centuries past. In America, however, the Scottish renaissance happened decades earlier. Immigrants formed the Highland Society of New York, which, in 1836, held a "Sportive Meeting" in Hoboken, New Jersey's Elysian Fields. Such tournaments were once again widespread in Scotland by the end of Victoria's reign.

If you weren't lucky enough to have been born of Celtic extraction, you may be unfamiliar with the ingredients of authentic Highland Games. Imagine hundreds of pipers wailing away on "Amazing Grace" or "Scotland the Brave." (Remember, bagpipes are louder in person than they are on TV, so more than three of them are deafening.) In this case, the squeeze-bags may be accompanied by fiddlers, harpists or other instrumentalists. Throw in armorers, crafts vendors, dancers and food stands, and you've got the makings of one lively, if not downright boisterous, event. Now let's talk about the so-called "heavy events" for kilted, macho athletes. In the caber toss, a guy picks up and throws an entire pine log, weighing 175 pounds, end over end. Maide Leisg (Gaelic for "Lazy Stick") is a test of strength in which two dudes play tug of war with a stick, each seated facing the other. Other competitors throw the sheaf (a 20-pound bundle of straw), a hammer weighing 22 pounds, a stone put weighing up to 26 pounds, or, for intermediate-level he-men, a metal weight of up to 56 pounds. Each event is an inguinal hernia waiting to happen.

Sounds like fun, though, right? Aye, laddie. Yet even many locals are surprised to learn we have our own Highland Games. Five people (Tina Gray, Bill Micenko, Jack and Johnny Montgomery, and Dick Roberts) initiated the Tacoma Highland Games in 1970, soon passing them on to the Clan Gordon Pipe Band. The club was incorporated as a nonprofit, the Tacoma Highland Games Association, in '75, as drum and band competitions were added. Last year's heavy events included the Braemar Stone (a heavy put), caber, hammer, sheaf and various weights. Burly young Scotsmen were joined by Scotswomen and gents from the Master, or Age 50+, class in each event. A grand if vertebra-popping time was had by all.

As they were last year, amateurs are encouraged to compete in this year's games. You'd better bulk up first, though. This is no time for quinoa. Food offerings at the games include haggis, sausage rolls and two kinds of meat pie. Musical entertainment will be provided by a Celtic music superstar in the American Southwest named Red McWilliams, plus folk band Pladdohg, a 16th-century Scottish court reenactment group, and the dancing Bisceglia siblings known as Whispering Roses.

This year's games will be preceded by a Celtic concert, from 6 to 9 the night before in Frontier Park. Admission to that event is two dollars, plus three more for parking. Campsites are available for $25 with hookup or $20 without. If that's a bit too rustic for your taste, the Tacoma Highland Games organization has a special group rate agreement with Holiday Inn Express in Puyallup. For more information on that deal, call 253.848.4900.

Alba gu bràth, everybody - meaning Scotland till Judgment Day!

46TH ANNUAL TACOMA HIGHLAND GAMES, 8 a.m. Saturday, June 27, Frontier Park, 217th & Meridian, Graham, $8-$15, 253.761.1397