My first concert, reluctantly attended with my star-struck mother and grandmother, was Neil Diamond. Yes, that Neil Diamond, oft referred to lovingly as the Jewish Elvis - and I was blown the hell away. How could somebody so ancient take the stage with such charisma? (He was younger then than I am now. Sweet Caroline.) My second live affair was Hall and Oates. We had killer seats for that one, so close that Daryl Hall winked at me. I was a superfan who could sing the Big Bam Boom album from start to finish from memory. I can still come pretty close. I mention these awkward autobiographical facts because I'm not alone. You're out there, too, fellow disciples, and your dream of a rock revival is about to come true.

OK, yes, both acts are still touring, but wouldn't it be radder to hop in a flux-capacitor-powered DeLorean and catch 'em in their prime? While we're at it, why not pack their greatest live hits into a single evening with revitalized incarnations of the Cult, Garbage, Hole and Weezer? I see you foaming at the mouth, radio diehards! I'll drop a leather-panted maraschino cherry onto your Ziggy Pig sundae of a night: Bon Freakin' Jovi. Tell me you didn't just hear the hook to "Blaze of Glory," motherlover! I know!

What mighty wizard could deliver such an evening? Does this Holly Holy magic exist? It takes a society, Gentle Reader. Namely, it takes the Olympia Film Society, which unleashes a geyser of pure, distilled awesome sauce each Halloween. It's All Hallows Eve; so will there be a prize for costumes? You bet your favorite ass cheek there'll be a prize for costumes - the more inventive the better! If you want to dress like a slutty rubber chicken in a do-me skirt, now's your chance - and I'm talking only to the guys!

As Stephen Colbert might ask: Who has the "Longfellow Serenades" to lead this dead man's party? Why, it's none other than the huntresses of Oly CLAW, Olympia's Collection of Lady Arm Wrestlers, who'll hook this melodic gun show and top roll it into submission. OFS warns, "This creepshow always sells out, so get your tickets early, Shirley!" We couldn't agree more, Theodore. Hit Rainy Day Records or OlympiaFilmSociety.org immediamente ... uh, El Presidente. (I got nothin'.)

My mom still loves you, Neil. So do I. Heartlight on! Single tear.

NIGHT OF THE LIVING TRIBUTE BANDS, 8:30 p.m., Friday, Oct. 31, Capitol Theater, 206 Fifth Ave. SE, Olympia, $8-$10, 360.754.6670