So, I decided to go dumpster diving for this weeks Grocery Stories. My beloved boss Pappi Swarner threw the idea at me a few weeks back and I completely laughed it off, but then I got thinking - why not? They deserve a look-see, just as anyone else, so I did.

First I had to prepare:

• Time of day - early in the morning (so no one would talk to me)
• What to wear - my sweatiest of sweats (so no one would talk to me)
• Should I shower? - hell to the no (so no one would talk to me).

I couldn't have prepared myself better, unless I donned a floppy hat and sunglasses, but that really would have drawn attention to me and that was the last thing I wanted do.

The last time I entered this poster child for the seventh circle of hell of convenience stores was about three to four years ago when I owned Vin Grotto and I ran out of Coke around lunchtime. I was desperate!

Yes my friends, you guessed it, I visited the Downtown Grocery and Deli or as we homies call it, "The D-Town Market" on the corner of Ninth and Commerce in downtown Tacoma. What can I say? It was everything I remember it being and less.

For the most part, I usually try to speak positively of my story victims. I can say one good thing about the DGD - they refrigerate their chocolate-based candy bars. That's a good idea since it's been pretty hot lately. Oh, and there's a really big jar of Vlasic Pickles (80 ounces) for $5.99. (There you go Bandito Betty, TWO good things. Betty loves pickles, as do I.)

There are staples provided that any store is expected to have like milk, butter, soda, chips, hot dogs, toiletries and candy, but not as much candy as you would think. Oddly, they have fresh tomatoes, lemons and bread. I say oddly because I'm pretty sure life cannot exist here, which leads me to believe that the clerk/cashier is a zombie.

Why am I so mean? Because when you try, I can appreciate the effort. But when I see an inch of dust on white plates and measuring spoons that look like they've been rolled in muddy water and left in the sun to bake, I have a problem.

On a serious note, because I am so pissed off now, places like this are never going to help Downtown Tacoma's image. Aside from the rumors of drug dealing and loitering on this corner, something needs to happen. It begins with you.

Stop in for a soda or bag of chips and encourage the owners to clean things up. I'm not saying there needs to be a Whole Foods on this corner (although I would open mouth kiss the person who could make that happen), just some organization and cleanliness for gawd sakes.

D-Town Market

747 Commerce St., Tacoma
253.383.0671
What? No website? Shocker.