Mayberry does not exist.  Duh.  But neither do the small towns of yesteryear, at least not within driving distance at lunchtime.

Those small town cafes, the type Andy and Barney ate it, that served country fare like Aunt Bee prepared and delivered in that cute-as-a-dickens checkered lunch basket, those are gone, even in local small towns.

I know this because I recently drove to Eatonville (four times in four weeks) to find a blue plate lunch, to search for Aunt Bee and to maybe get a haircut.  They serve pho in Eatonville. Need I say more?

Where is Eatonville?

The town sits 15 minutes east (by car) from Graham. Founded by Thomas C. Eaton, the first words he spoke when he arrived in Eatonville at the close of the 19th century were supposedly: "This good place.  Not much snow."

"T.C." opened a trading post, interacted with new settlers and former land owners (the native Americans), helped put in a school and maintained the dirt road to Spanaway.

After taking T.C.'s name, Eatonville began to prosper as a lumber town, especially after the Tacoma Eastern Railroad arrived in 1902.

In 1954 the Eatonville Lumber Company closed its mill, and since then the town has served as a bedroom and retirement community, plus a launch point for those traveling to Mount Rainier.

And the food?

The 2000 or so people that live in Eatonville eat a varied diet.  They can choose from Mexican, Chinese, Vietnamese, gourmet coffee, Nanaimo Bars, an organic food co-op and an unusual Italian place obsessed with the Rat Pack.  There are three general restaurants, but they aren't too memorable.  You also don't need a map to find any of these places.   There are roughly four streets in Eatonville - just drive around a little; you'll get the hang of it.

Stand outs?

I like Bruno's Family Restaurant the best because they serve elk.  Not only is it my favorite meat, but elk feels like the most authentic choice when eating in the shadow of Mount Rainier.  The elk burger tastes fresh - well prepared with decent fries.  The restaurant features a sizeable menu, but the ambiance is your basic Denny's or Shari‘s.

They serve a fried pickle at Bruno's too (dill chips in a tempura-like coating), which I believe would have made Aunt Bee say, "good gracious."  The pickles made my tummy hurt.

Jebinos Ristorante & Lounge has a Frank Sinatra fetish, with the vintage light fixtures to prove it.  Smack-dab in the middle of Hicksville, the heavily windowed joint serves a mean breakfast to the tune of Frank, Sammy Davis Jr. and Dean Martin.  The owners built shrines around the room to highlight their Rat Pack memorabilia.  We stopped there for pancakes after attending mass at the local Catholic church - both places gave off a luster of white-ness - the closest thing to Mayberry that I found.

The pho surprised me.  The Chinese restaurant didn't throw me - they had one in The Christmas Story, but the neon pho sign in Chopstix's restaurant took me off guard.  Inside, the owner and his family were warm and friendly, very Taylor-like, and the farmer complaining that his hay was wet made me smile.  Still, finding a decent bowl of pho in Eatonville reminded me that little towns aren't so simple anymore.  Sad.

Did you say organic co-op?

The Mountain Community Co-op has been open nearly five and a half years.  They don't have paid staff, and the selection is small, but yep, even in small town America you can find Pirate's Booty and Koala Crisp.

I, of course, never did find Aunt Bee, or her down-home cooking.

Speaking of Bee, while taking a peek around the Internet, I found a reference to a supposed interview Andy Griffith did with Ralph Emery.  According to the online report, Andy and Ron Howard dropped in on Francis Bavier (Aunt Bee), arriving on the doorstep of her Siler City, North Carolina home in the late 1980s.  As the report goes, Bavier chased Andy and Opie away, later calling Andy to apologize that they weren't better friends.

Bavier, apparently, ended her days in North Carolina as a shut-in cat lady, living in partial squalor.

It was probably all those teriyaki and pho joints opening in Siler City that did her in.