WEEKLY VOLCANO: MCA HAS CANCER, LISTEN TO PEARL JAM >>>

Sucks: Beastie Boys’ Adam Yauch (aka MCA) has been diagnosed with a tumor in a parotid (salivary) gland. The Beasties posted a video on their Web site this morning (see above), in which Yauch explains the situation with characteristic humor and candor. All Beastie Boys concerts have been canceled through October.

Listen: Pearl Jam released, "The Fixer," the first single from their September release, Backspacer, to radio stations and their MySpace page this morning.

MICHAEL SWAN: TODAY’S HAPPY HOUR DISCUSSION TOPIC >>>

LINK: South Sound happy hours

ADAM MCKINNEY: A SHOUT-OUT TO BETTY AND JERRY >>>

There’s a certain expectation that comes with playing garage rock. The requisite fuzziness and simple melodies blaring through cracked amps is present with Johnny Cheeseburger & the Cum Bunnies (playing on at The Den tonight), but as I sit down with them it becomes clear that they approach their music from an almost off-putting innocence. I can detect none of the silly self-importance or over-sized egos that are common in even the smallest local bands. What I see are three people who play music for no other reason than to enjoy it, and for it to be enjoyed by othersâ€"a true garage band, minus all the bullshit. That they write songs about menstruation and pissing the bed is more of an afterthought.

Johnny Cheeseburger’s Cum Bunnies are Assley Sex and Henry. Assley prompts Henry by saying, “You’re Henry Bunny.” Henry demurs, softly replying, “My name’s Henry.”

Soon, everyone is trading stories about people messing up their band’s name: Johnny Rocket & the Cum-Shots, Jimmy Rocket & the Cum-Stains, Tommy Hotdog & the Carpetmunchers.

“Those names are all better than ours,” says Henry, and everyone laughs in agreement. Such is the loose nature of Johnny Cheeseburger & the Cum Bunnies, a looseness that the songs reflect perfectly: loud, two-minute bursts of absurd vulgarity and pledges of devotion to Johnny Cheeseburger. It’s all one big goof.

Assley returns to the basement from upstairs to inform us that we can no longer smoke down there. There goes my last line of defense, and soon it’s time for me to go.

Johnny Cheeseburger requests that I make sure people know about their show on Aug. 22 at Silent Studios. Henry wants to give a shout-out to Betty and Jerry. I leave the basement dazed, unsure what to say about a band that refuses to be the dicks â€" a band that just writes about them.

[The Den @ urbanXchange, Monday, July 20, 7 p.m., all ages, 1932 Pacific Ave., Tacoma, 253.572.2280]

RON SWARNER: BRAVED SAUNA CONDITIONS FOR A FEW SHOTS >>>

Move on over, ‘stoner rock. We have to make room for the blues rock stylings of Stone Axe, a big riff rock quartet featuring The Swinos vocalist Dru Brinkerhoff and Mos Generator guitarist Tony Reed.

I caught their show Sunday afternoon at the sauna that was Rocket Records. It was a hot show â€" in more ways than one. This band rocks.

While Reed laid down a few Sabbath riffs and Brinkerhoff flirted with Soundgarden vocals, their sound is more bluesy â€" along the lines of Whitesnake and Bad Company.

According to their MySpace page, their next South Sound show will be the Music and Art in the Park concert Aug. 15 at Wright Park. This band alone is worth spreading out the blanket that day â€" and then stomping on it.

MICHAEL SWAN: THEY ARE COMING TO SEATTLE/TACOMA>>>

How many time shave we heard bands play the Tacoma Dome, Pantages Theater and ilk, only to shout, “Thank you Seattle, good night!”

Meh.

Well, Brooklyn synth-popsters Chairlift announced their headlining tour across North America and Europe with Phoenix, innovative UK up-and-comers Micachu and the Shapes, and several others. Where will they stop on Sept. 19?:

09/19/09 SEATTLE-TACOMA, WA - THE VERA PROJECT w/ MICACHU & THE SHAPES

Yeah, the all-ages venue Vera Project is in Seattle. Doubt they'll thank Tacoma.

Photo: Ross Fraser/MySpace

MICHAEL SWAN: TUESDAY, JULY 21, 2009 >>>

1. The Beatniks, Seattle's most famous cover band ('60s-'80s) will perform an outside concert at Skansie Brothers Park in Gig Harbor beginning at 6:30 p.m.

2. Tacoma Shop Talk, where businesses are coming together to talk, share ideas, connect and support each other, will be held from 5-7 p.m. at Twokoi Japanese Restaurant in downtown Tacoma.

3. Thirty plus percussionists and Olympia's finest belly dancers will perform at 7 p.m. inside Traditions Café.

4. The Banned Book Club discusses Baby Be-Bop (Book 5 of Dangerous Angels) by Francesca Lia Block over drinks at 7 p.m. at the Tempest Lounge.

5. Host Ralph Porter and guest comics Rodger Lizaola and Amos Mack will perform at 8 p.m. as part of Jazzbones' Ha Ha Tuesdays.

LINK: Live music and DJs in the South Sound

LINK: Local movie starting times

LINK: South Sound Restaurant Guide

JAKE DE PAUL: TUESDAY FOOD LINKS >>>

Half-price Wine Night: Maxwell’s Speakeasy joins the fun every Tuesday and Thursday.

Grilled Cheese Sandwich: How do you define one?

Julie & Julia: Getting food ready for its close-up.

Today’s South Sound Special

Bring your dusty cookbooks for a cookbook exchange and seasonal menu planning at the 6th Avenue Farmers Market while the DJ Spice spins urban grooves from 3:30-7:30 p.m.

LINK: South Sound Restaurant Guide

NEWS TEAM: GOOD MORNING SOUTH SOUND >>>

Park Pollution: Early effects seen in Rainier, Olympic ecosystems.

South Prairie Pot Head: Tip leads to marijuana operation.

Not That Easy: Task force set up to make recommendations on closing Guantanamo needs more time.

WTF: Is Myanmar going nuclear?

We Suck: U.S. named as top spam-producing country.

Medieval Map Shows Parts Of North America: Expert confirms authenticity of Vinland map.

Get Off Our Lawn You Whipper Snappers!: In the year 2040, there will be 1.3 billion senior citizens.

Daring “Dork” Dirk: Man sets world record for in-line skating down a rollercoaster.

RON SWARNER: IT’S RECORD RELEASE DAY >>>

Portugal The Man, The Satanic Satanist

Our Lady Peace, Burn Burn

Matthew Sweet & Susanna Hoffs, Under The Covers: Vol. 2

My discoveries so far. Might add more later.

The Fiery Furnaces, I’m Going Away

Brooke Hogan, The Redemption

Ian Hunter, Man Overboard

Michael Jackson, Hello World: The Motown Solo Collection

Jordin Sparks, Battlefield