THIS IS MY JOB >>>

Ladies and gentlemen, here it is - another installment of weird shit you find on Craigslist. Last time, we found 80 free toilets, marijuana and hobbit feet. (Told you it was weird.)

This time we have a tiny house, DUIs, fish that walk and more. Enjoy!

In case you need a place to put your mother-in-law, grow operation or meth lab, here is a tiny house just for you - only $500.

And speaking of illegal stuff, here's this guy, pleading for a witness to a car accident he was involved in. Two drunk chicks left you at the scene of the crime? C'mon Randy, just fess up and take the DUI.

For a little more weird, how about adopting a walking fish? Here's a quote from the ad, "They are a great conversation piece in your home. I mean, who has fish with feet?!" Creepy weirdos participating in some unholy evolutionary process, that's who. 

Speaking of unholy evolutionary processes, here's someone looking to breed what looks like a gremlin.

But, this installment's weird award goes to this 21-year-old overweight girl with a kid, whose ad title is ... "Join me for some walking & awkward conversation."  Click on her link to discover more gems suchs, "I like to make homemade Cheez-its because theyre awesome,"  "No crazies please, they ruin my mood" and "Ok I have done this before and it was by far one of the most awkward things ever. But hey I geuss thats what happens when you meetup with random strangers you met on the internet." Please, someone get this girl on Tosh.O.

Until next time, and happy craigslisting!

EFF OFF BLACK FRIDAY >>> 

UPDATE: Having a sale for Small Business Saturday? Tell our 6,100+ Facebook fans about it by posting it on our page.

I have grown tired of your gimmicks and shenanigans and glittery advertisements. I am officially breaking up with you.

I, along with millions of conscientious consumers, am putting my foot down and letting that turkey settle a day longer before spending my hard-earned cash. That's right, the movement that started in 2010, that has gained momentum and gained my love - Small Business Saturday - is taking the nation by storm. 

And I'm in.

A website and Facebook page are devoted to the cause, and small businesses everywhere are celebrating.

"But, wait!" you might say, your voice dripping with deals, "Ballerina Barbie is only $2.99, wouldn't your children be delighted?"

"No!" I'd shout back, "Black Friday, you are nothing more than a media control tactic to warp our sense of gratification, when really our local economy will thrive and our sense of self-worth will soar when we shop at our neighborhood stores!"

And your little wingman, Cyber Monday, can shove off, too.

Did Small Business Saturday includes technological businesses, too? Info Tech in Federal Way sells computers and parts and will service your device so you don't have to go out and buy a new one and 4th Dimension Computers and Technology in Lacey has been locally owned for more than 15 years and offers deals on not only computers, but ultrabooks, LCD, LED and Plasma TVs.

And there are dozens and dozens of little boutiques, craft fairs, toy shops, galleries and more that provide cuter, classier, more original gifts than your Ballerina Barbie or two-in-one chair massager.

Black Friday, you and your little cohorts can take your long lines, China-made toys, door busting stress and forget about me.

I'm shopping locally on Saturday.

Sincerely,

Nikki McCoy

LINK: Shift Your Shopping Tacoma

ALWAYS WRONG HAS A PROBLEM >>>

QUESTION: My husband is extremely analytical, to the point where he has a negative or argumentative response to almost anything I say - including positive or even insignificant things. Then, when he makes some remark, unless I respond with "I agree" or "uh-huh," he debates me. I've repeatedly asked him to stop making everything an argument, but he insists that he's just giving his "honest opinion." I go for counseling, but he refuses to, saying he won't talk to "some stranger" about us. He's turning my happy self into a miserable, depressed self. - Always Wrong

Click here for the Advice Goddess's answer.

PLANNED PARENTHOOD INFILTRATED BY WACKO PRO-LIFE EXTREMEISTS >>>

The Christian right is at it again. I guess they thought shouting things like "murderer" and "baby killer" at young women as they enter Planned Parenthood, or holding up giant posters of aborted babies on the side of the highway wasn't offensive enough. The Associated Press informs us that Live Action, an anti-abortion group, has allegedly been part of an ellaborate undercover scheme to discredit the nation's largest abortion provider. Among other things, Planned Parenthood claims hidden camera videos are being taken during undercover visits. These videos are then edited to make it appear that Planned Parenthood is manipulating women into getting abortions. Some of these undercover videos can be seen here. The FBI is investigating the issue. Here are some of the main snippets from the AP article by David Crary that was printed in Sunday's Seattle PI.

Planned Parenthood, a perennial protest target because of its role in providing abortions, has notified the FBI that at least 12 of its health centers were visited recently by a man purporting to be a sex trafficker but who may instead be part of an attempted ruse to entrap clinic employees.

In each case, according to Planned Parenthood, the man sought to speak privately with a clinic employee and then requested information about health services for sex workers, including some who he said were minors and in the U.S. illegally.

Planned Parenthood's vice president for communications, Stuart Schear, said the organization has requested an FBI probe of the man's claims and has already fielded some initial FBI inquiries. However, Schear said Planned Parenthood's own investigation indicates that the man has links with Live Action, an anti-abortion group that has conducted previous undercover projects aimed at discrediting the nation's leading abortion provider.

Lila Rose, Live Action's founder and president, described Planned Parenthood's assertion as "very interesting." She declined to confirm or deny that the clinic visits were part of a Live Action operation, but did indicate in a telephone interview that an undercover videotape project of some sort was in the works.

"The story that speaks loudest will be in the evidence," she said. "I can't comment until we release the visual evidence."

The visits were made between Jan. 11 and Jan. 15 to health centers in Virginia, Indiana, New York, New Jersey, Washington, D.C., and Arizona. Among them was a clinic in Tucson, Ariz., which Planned Parenthood said was visited on the 15th, a week after the shooting rampage in that city that critically injured Rep. Gabrielle Giffords.

Last week, Planned Parenthood Federation of America president Cecile Richards wrote to Attorney General Eric Holder summarizing the visits and requesting an FBI investigation. If the man's assertions were true, she wrote, they would indicate possible violations of federal laws dealing with interstate sex trafficking of minors.

However, Richards said the visits could be part of a hoax resembling some past actions by anti-abortion activists.

"Once inside, these people have recorded `undercover' videos of their conversations with our clinic staff and then selectively and maliciously edited the videos," she wrote. "This may be happening once again. If so, this kind of activity should be firmly condemned."

FOLLOW THE CARP >>>

Last week we published an article about the current funding threat to the Pierce Conservation District - largely due to a lawsuit concerning the legality of the assessment fee used to fund the district. While our article focused on what the potential damage to Pierce Conservation District would mean for our community and whether or not it will occur, some of you emailed us wanting to know more about the actual lawsuit that has led to this domino effect. It is a class action lawsuit contending that the property levy collected by both Pierce and King County's Conservation Districts are illegal. The group responsible for the lawsuit, and others like it, is Citizens Alliance for Property Rights (CARP) - a conservative group based in King County.

For the full scoop on CARP and this lawsuit check out this Blogging Georgetown post. They have been following CARP and the King County Conservation District for some time.

WE'D LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY >>>

Being the megalomaniacal a-hole that I am, sometimes in the shower I craft award acceptance speeches for prizes I haven't actually won. Usually, since even I have no illusions of my fantasy football or "Words with Friends" skills ever achieving greatness, these make-believe awards have to do with our work at the Weekly Volcano. Maybe the City Club of Tacoma will someday realize the brilliance of the Volcano's constant jokes about their age and socio-economic status, and honor our paper as the trailblazer it is? Who knows? Stranger things have happened.

Maybe.

The point is: If it does ever happen, I'll be prepared.

Like this morning.

While I had envisioned this moment being far grander, I feel a need to say thank you today - to the Volcano's friends, families, lovers, detractors, fans, fiends, foes and followers. Really, truly (glance over at my lovely wife, give her a knowing nod of recognition during this moment of triumph) - this wouldn't have been possible without you.

You see, Weekly Volcano World Headquarters was officially vandalized and wheat-pasted by self-ascribed Anarchists last night. We're pretty sure it had to do with this story, though it could have also had something to do with this story. The main point is, we arrived at work this morning to find most of the walls of our building plastered with poorly copy-edited "anarchist" prose and pink spray paint - at least the walls where an "anarchist" could crouch unnoticed and spray paint without the risk of being caught. Ballsy.

We'd like to take a moment to say thank you! Thank you. Thank you so much. On behalf of the Weekly Volcano I'd like to thank the academy, and all the little people we've stepped on during our accent to greatness. Every trudge was an honor.

Today I honestly feel like we've finally made it.

(Cue sappy music played by bemused Tacoma Symphony Orchestra. Presenter Rick Talbert tries to tug me off stage, but I hold firm for one more line. ...)

You love us! You really, really love us!

More visual proof:

MICHAEL SWAN: WANKERS OF THE DAY >>>

Charles Walter Nettlebeck

Say it: AIG!

Dick(head) Cheney again

President Dmitri A. Medvedev