SATURDAY, MARCH 21 2015 >>>

1. We knew the traditional fifth anniversary gift was the astoundingly lame "wood," and, of course, the 25th anniversary is the silver and 50th golden. We're pretty sure the 75th is either oxygen tanks or pre-chewed food. Apparently, the first anniversary is the kickass music anniversary, because downtown Olympia music and whiskey venue Rhythm and Rye is celebrating its first year in operation with bands Hillstomp (punk blues) and The Oly Mountain Boys (bluegrass), the two bands that officially opened the venue last March 21. The show begins at 9 p.m.

2. You spend hours wandering around consignment stores, yard sales, and nothing. Break the cycle. Rethink your thought process. Antiques - The older they are the better. And, unlike the average retail giant's merchandise, you can sometimes get a deal. So come check out the Women's League Annual Flea Market and peruse more than 60 vendor booths of previously owned antiques and collectibles, sporting goods, home furnishings, clothes, books and more from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the University of Puget Sound. It's the University of Puget Sound Women's League's 47th flea market to fund student scholarships. A silent auction runs throughout the day. Not so silent? You when you happen across mannequin legs! 

3. The Gig Harbor Rotary presents Taste of Gig Harbor from 5:30-10 p.m. at the Tacoma Narrows Airport. Weekly Volcano foodie Jackie Fender has the scoop here.

4. If we need to tell you who Amy Schumer is, you must not own a TV. Her Comedy Central series Inside Amy Schumer was nominated for an Emmy. Both Entertainment Weekly and Rolling Stone praised it as one of last year's best series, especially a firecracker of a sketch about a Call of Duty-type video game. Schumer wields one of the 21st century's most distinctive, vital, quotable comic voices, and it's won her gigs from Cosmo to Fox News to a slot in the upcoming Ghostbusters reboot. That's right, Amy Schumer will soon be given her very own proton pack. For a comedian in her 30s, that's like being named one of the apostles. Catch her at 8:30 p.m. in the Emerald Queen Casino.

5. The Fucking Eagles reminds one of a '50s sock hop mixed with a backwoods roadhouse show of the same era. It's fun as hell. Catch the band with The Wimps and Vibrating Antennas at 9 p.m. in The New Frontier Lounge, as part of the Bleak Outlook Vol. 3 festival.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 18 2015 >>>

1. We miss slumber parties. We should start a sleepover revival, complete with pajamas, gossip, manicures and pedicures, Truth or Dare, and, of course, liquor-cabinet raids. Sleeping would be completely off-limits, at least until sunrise. Harlequin Productions' acclaimed improv comedy troupe is on it. Something Wicked takes the stage in Something Wicked Has A Slumber Party, where the slumber party is chalk full of wild improvised stories. The improv troupe takes to the Historic State Theater stag eat 8 p.m. So who's bringing the horror flicks?

2. Weekly Volcano visual arts critic Alec Clayton has always thought Dale Chihuly's drawings were more impressive than his glass creations, but he has never seen enough of his drawings to say so until now. "Chihuly Drawings" at the Museum of Glass makes the case quite emphatically. One hundred and eighty-six drawings fill the main gallery at MOG, and the impact is overwhelming. Read Alec Clayton's full review of "Chihuly Drawings" in the Music & Culture section, then check out the exhibit from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

3. If you cross over to Oregon, you must first drive past a statue of John Harris on the Interstate 5 Bridge. Wait, what? How could the man who perfected the recipes for some of Oregon's most iconic brews - including Deschutes' Black Butte Porter, Mirror Pond Pale Ale, Jubelale and Obsidian Stout as well as McMenamins' Hammerhead - not have a statue? Harris spent three decades working under others, most recently at Full Sail. Now, he's his own boss, running Ecliptic Brewing in a colossal former auto-body shop in Portland. Drop by Pint Defiance from 5:30-7:30 p.m., discuss the statue thing, maybe also his love for astronomy, or even his awesome beers, with the man himself.

4. Little Bill Engelhart a legendary Northwest blues musician and perhaps the Godfather of rock 'n' roll in Tacoma. He formed a band with some of his teenage friends and had a national hit when he was just 19 titled "I'm in Love with an Angel." The Washington Blues Society has awarded him numerous awards, including best band; best bass player, best blues writer and lifetime achievement award. See him at 8 p.m. in The Swiss.

5. The 21st installment of the Vomity Open Mic Comedy night at Le Voyeur features Sarah Adam, who hails from Olympia, who blends self deprecation and too-much-information into hilarious stories. As always, a bunch of other comedians will fight for time slots at the very popular comedy open mic, which begins at 9 p.m.

TUESDAY, MARCH 3 2015 >>>

1. Frederick Wiseman's three-hour documentary about Britain's National Gallery is a rather sly house of mirrors, in which we watch a film and, within that film, we watch others gaze at a painting, while also joining them in that act. Not to be outdone, many of the paintings - their subjects commissioned portraits, or figures of myth and Christianity - stare just as intently back at us. National Gallery screens at 1 and 6:20 p.m. in The Grand Cinema.

2. Pop by the Harmon Tap Room today for their Tap Tasting Tuesday special. Sample four, 5-ounce beers paired with four small bites for only $10 from 5 p.m. to close. Helluva deal, especially for those indecisive types.

3. Yielding, softness, centeredness, slowness, balancing, suppleness and rootedness are all characteristics of the ancient Chinese practice of Tai Chi. They are evident in names of the movements, like "Cloud hands," and in the movements themselves. The principle of Tai Chi can also be summed up in the title awarded to its founder, "a spiritual man who has attained the Tao and is no longer ruled by what he sees, hears or feels." Ring in Chinese New Year 2015 at the Tumwater Timberland Library with a program for all ages, beginning at 6:30 p.m. The Olympia Tai Chi & Kung-Fu Club will perform the traditional Lion Dance and demonstrate Tai Chi and the martial art of Kung-Fu.

4. Jerry Miller was named one of the top 100 guitarists of all time by Rolling Stone above Eddie Van Halen, Johnny Winter and Randy Rhoads. The Tacoma native has enjoyed a rich career sharing the stage with countless musicians including members of the Doobie Brothers and Carlos Santana. Miller hosts an open jam at 7 p.m. in Dave's of Milton.

5. TCC@TCC! - a group of Tacoma Community College communications students raising money for local tutoring nonprofit write@253 - has teamed up with the Tacoma Comedy Club for a benefit comedy performance at 8 p.m. Write@253 provides after-school homework hope to kids in underserved Tacoma neighborhoods.

SUNDAY, FEB. 22 2015 >>>

1. Thanks to The Grand Cinema in Tacoma and Olympia Film Society in Olympia, you can not only stroll the red carpet in your Sunday finest, you might also win one of several fabulous prizes. Show up to Theatre on the Square in a movie costume (Death to Smoochy, anyone?), and you could snag 250 bucks. That'd buy a crap ton of popcorn! Another prize up for grabs is a "Golden Ticket" good for movie admission any time till the next Oscar ceremony. Both events feature great food and drinks, and remember, your odds of winning an Academy Award of your own this year are exactly as good as Jennifer Aniston's or Daniel Oyelowo's! You'll be in beautiful company, in more towns than one. Megastar selfie! Read Christian Carvajal's full feature on the 87th Academy Awards parties in Tacoma and Olympia in the Music & Culture section, then arrive at the Theatre on the Square or Capitol Theater at 5 p.m.

2. Nena Curley was 14 years old when she performed the role of Sarah, one of the blind girls, in the Lakewood Playhouse 2003 production of The Miracle Worker. Twelve years later, Curley is the stage manager and production manager for the theater company's current production of The Miracle Worker, William Gibson's inspiring 1959 drama about blind, deaf and mute child Helen Keller and teacher Annie Sullivan's extraordinary efforts to communicate with her, which hits the stage at 2 p.m.

3. The Gig Harbor Film Festival folks are also hosting an Oscar Party at 4 p.m. in The Hub in Gig Harbor. Dinner will be served as well as red carpet pictures and a champagne toast. The Hub will have a big screen and all the other dialed into the red carpet and the Oscar ceremony. The Gig Harbor Film Festival will have film directors on hand and other local celebrities. Your $50 ticket helps finance this year's Gig Harbor Film Festival.

4. Seattle radio personality Bob Rivers will host a night of Northwest comedians at 8 p.m. in the Tacoma Comedy Club.

5. If you are looking for a crunk, trapped out, hustle-music haven then check out Champions every Sunday at 9 p.m. DJ Qualifi keeps the beats bangin' - deep bass, booty music, trap music, D-Boy/Girl music. ... All. Night. Long.  This is officially one of the spots to hit if you want to appear like you're in a 2015 rap video. Twerkin' will happen. Yeah, Champions is a hole in the wall type bar/club, but it is where Tacoma rocks on a Sunday.

SUNDAY, FEB. 8 2015 >>>

1. This festival of improvised music at Obsidian features a very special guest by the name of Mazen Kerbaj. Hailing from Beirut, Lebanon, Kerbaj specializes in the trumpet, taking that instrument many miles from any expectations you may have when I utter the words "improvisational trumpet." His style takes the trumpet in directions that delve deep into the experimental, testing the instrument's limits of expression, whether they be textural, percussive tonal, or pushing the envelope of what could reasonably pass for music. In taking advantage of his instrument's many characteristics, Kerbaj takes his audience through a journey of finding the potential in any sound to transport. For anyone with a passing interest in experimental music, this 8 p.m. show with Arrington De Dionyso, Paul Hoskin, Daniel Buscher and Hammer of Hathor must be observed. The daring will get the most from this excursion into the base elements of the musical experience.

2. Though 120 years old, H.M.S. Pinafore is as seaworthy as ever, an irresistible blend of Sullivan's matchless melodies and Gilbert's shrewd satire of the Victorian caste system. Tacoma Opera's production boasts vocals by Boston Lyric Opera soloist Michael Drumheller, Seattle Opera Guild's Ksenia Popova and returnees from The Barber of Seville. Read Christian Carvajal's full feature on H.M.S. Pinafore in the Music & Culture section, then catch the show at 2 p.m. in the Rialto Theater.

3. The Swiss Restaurant and Pub will host a benefit concert for the Mitrata-Nepal Foundation for Children featuring The Oly Mountain Boys at 4 p.m., Steve and Kristi Nebel at 5 p.m., The Twang Junkies at 6 p.m. and The Barleywine Revue at 7 p.m. Mitrata-Nepal Foundation for Children's mission is to educate and empower severely underprivileged children to reach their full potential as citizens of Nepal.

4. Mark Dufresne is schooled in the ways of Sonny Boy, Junior Wells and James Cotton. His work on the chromatic harmonica is considered as some of the most innovative in blues music. His ability to circular breathe has left audiences dazed, dancing in circles until they drop. Catch the blues musician and his band at 7 p.m. in The Spar in Old Town Tacoma.

5. Jubal Flagg from the Movin 92.5 FM morning show host a Comedy Drag Show featuring five comedians performing as themselves, get a complete makeover, and come back as the opposite sex. Check it out at 8 p.m. in the Tacoma Comedy Club.

WEDNESDAY, FEB. 4 2015 >>>

1. The Pierce County Conservative District Seed Swap goes down from 6-8 p.m. in the Parkland/Spanaway Library. Bring excess seeds either purchased or saved, cuttings, or transplants to trade with community members. Kelda Lorax of Divine Earth Gardening Project will host a seed saving workshop. The event will also be a potluck so bring a dish to share. Top your dish with sesame seeds and watch the crowd erupt in cheer.

2. Transcendent Music Group brings in Seattle Rastafari roots reggae band Laborer for its One Love Wednesday music series at Jazzbones, beginning at 7 p.m.

3.The Medicine Creek Council took place in the Nisqually Delta Dec. 26, 1854. It brought together 62 Native American tribal leaders and a contingent of American settlers headed by territorial governor Isaac Stevens, and changed the course of Northwest history. The treaty established reservations for the Native American tribes represented and described the lands that would be ceded by the tribes to the United States Government. Historian and author Drew Crooks will discuss the event and its ramifications at 7:30 p.m. in the Olympia Timberland Library.

4. Harlequin Productions' improv troupe Something Wicked returns to the stage for a show about the beautifully absurd world of dating. Join them at 8 p.m. in the Historic State Theater as all the terror, glee, tragedy and joy of modern-day romance are whirled together into a frothy, intoxicating evening of heart-mending laughter.

5. The Brotherhood Takes Flight aerial show is back, featuring Tan Tan and others taking to the air with whimsy, strength and artful grace at 8 p.m. in The Brotherhood Lounge. The performance above the drinking crowd is just plain beautiful. A dance party with DJ Fir$t Lady follows.

THURSDAY, JAN. 29 2015 >>>

1. Since his stage debut way back during World War II, Willie Nelson has laid claim to being one of our greatest singer-songwriters. He's beloved across genres and by people of all political stripes. Simply put, he's an icon, a living legend, and deservedly so. What you may not know about him is he recorded his first song, "No Place for Me," in Vancouver, Washington, where he worked as a disc jockey for KVAN. This was only a few years before he wrote "Crazy," arguably one of our greatest country songs. It's been said, in fact, that Patsy Cline's cover of "Crazy" is the biggest jukebox hit of all time, but that was no beginner's luck. Read Christian Carvajal's full feature on Willie Nelson in the Music & Culture section, then catch Nelson's 8 p.m. show at the Emerald Queen Casino.

2. A public memorial service honoring the life of Babe Lehrer - Tacoma businesswoman, philanthropist and arts advocate - will be held at 4 p.m. in the Pantages Theater. Honor Babe's energy, spirit and tireless involvement to her community.

3. Seattle's Cody Beebe & The Crooks make rock music that is inspired by the frontier attitude of the American Heartland. When you hear their music, you hear the West's Americana and blues roots. However, rather than eclectic, the music comes off with a directness and unpretentious nature characteristic of their hometown's rock and roll. Having recently performed at The Gorge's Watershed Music Festival and having shared stages with acts as diverse and accomplished as Buddy Guy, Stevie Nicks, Austin Jenckes, and Allen Stone, CBC rolls into Jazzbones for a 6:30 p.m. show with Ayron Jones & The Way, Tango Alpha Tango and Jared James Nichols.

4. Audrey Marrs played a significant role in Olympia's music scene in the '90s rocking in bands Mocket and Bratmobile, before graduating from The Evergreen State College in 1999. She became a filmmaker, and with Charles Ferguson, documented the Iraq War and decisions made by the Bush Administration in No End In Sight. The duo won a fair share of awards. Marrs and Ferguson teamed up again, this time for the 2010 film Inside Job, an expose of the 2008 global financial meltdown. The duo won the 2011 Best Documentary Film Oscar. Marrs returns to Evergreen as part of the Willi Unsoeld Seminar Series and will give a free, public presentation - and show a 3-minute clip of her current film on climate change - at 7 p.m. in the Evergreen Longhouse.

5. Barleywine Revue is just awesome. The band writes and performs contemporary, relevant bluegrass and Americana music while paying homage to the traditions that have come in generations before ... think Bill Monroe meets Bill Withers. Oh man, that's fresh! Catch the band at 8 p.m. in The Swiss Restaurant & Pub.

LINK: Thursday, Jan. 29 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

Now with reinflated balls, this is Nerd Alert, the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.

THURSDAY, JAN. 29

The last time Cirque du Soleil came through Seattle, I described their Tempest-inspired tent show Amaluna as "unforgettable showmanship ... like watching superheroes before your very eyes." I also said Amaluna was "more than a circus. It's a life event, superhuman in scale and achievement." I stand by every word. Two years later, I remember each moment of that show perfectly. So yes, when Cirque announced last year it was sending a new show to Marymoor Park, you can bet your rubber clown nose I pounced on the opportunity to review it. This new show, Kurios, is set in a steampunk world of whimsical illusions and magical machines. I'm beyond stoked. My family and I are seeing it Saturday, so expect a full and, I have every reason to believe, enraptured review next week.

KURIOS: CABINET OF CURIOSITIES, 8 p.m. through March 22, Marymoor Park, 6046 W. Lake Sammamish Parkway NE, Redmond, $35-$156, 877.924.7783

Thursday marks your first chance to catch HBO's Game of Thrones in IMAX, as the final two episodes of season 4 are projected in giganto-vision along with a trailer for season 5. (It runs through Feb. 5.) In "The Watchers on the Wall," the Night Watch has to beat back the Wildings and defend Castle Black in one of TV's most epic battle scenes of all time. In season finale "The Children," Tyrion Lannister pays some serious debts. I don't have HBO, so I have yet to see either episode. Let me guess: gratuitous nudity? Swirly crotch demons? Hodor sings?

FRIDAY, JAN. 30

For my money, there's simply no funnier standup comedian working right now than Patton Oswalt. As evidence, I submit to you his extended riff on the copiously-portioned offerings at Black Angus Steakhouse, his characterization of KFC's latest entrée as "a failure pile in a sadness bowl," and his bittersweet desire to go back in time and murder George Lucas. His description of a news story in which a senior citizen bore a baby made me laugh so hard it probably contributed to my recent hernia. I slumped a few weeks ago when he was too busy to honor his ritual of live-tweeting Downton Abbey, and for the love of sweet Abigail Mae, what does that say about my life? He has an uncanny knack for wangling his way onto shows he enjoys, so don't be surprised if he moves on from Mr. Show with Bob and David, Reno 911!, Reaper, Community, Caprica, Justified, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and one truly epic pop-culture soliloquy on Parks & Rec to hang out with Lord and Lady Grantham. I bought my tickets back in October, and man, I hope you did, too, 'cause this baby's sold to the rafters. How the hell does he find time to tour? Are there really Patton Oswalt clones like on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.?

PATTON OSWALT, 8 p.m., Pantages Theater, 901 Broadway, Tacoma, (sold out), 253.591.5894

SATURDAY, JAN. 31

After a lavish debut party Fright night, the EMP's Science Fiction Museum in Seattle opens its Star Wars and the Power of Costume exhibit (running through Oct. 4) to us Padawan learners. Exhibits include Vader's helmeted breath mask, Threepio's golden carapace, and yes, Princess Leia's bronze bikini. I encourage you to view these splendid costumes in Machete Order.

SUNDAY, FEB. 1

Apparently there's some sort of game on Sunday. Did you hear about this? Alternatively, you could watch Puppy Bowl XI on Animal Planet, Kitten Bowl II on Hallmark, Fish Bowl II on Nat Geo Wild, or Toddler Bowl on, of all things, The Learning Channel. I'll be busy watching the real thing, but ... y'know, if adult competitors actually were bowling with toddlers, I might be tempted to DVR that shizz. Speaking of DVRs, you do have yours set for the premiere of AMC's Breaking Bad spinoff Better Call Saul a week from Sunday, right? Just checking.

Anyway, between Kurios, Patton Oswalt, and what promises to be the Super Bowl of the decade against those double-crossing Patriots, this is shaping up to one of my favorite weekends ever. Call a historian, folks. This is one for the Holocron.

Until next week, may the Force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, and Hodor.

Jenny McCarthy and I go way back.

Before I get started, let me admit this is one of those Hollywood yarns in which I know a great deal about a given celebrity, who in turn remembers squat-point-nothing about me. That's the thing about all my celebrity stories: they were the most famous people I met that day, while I was the least important person they met all year. I gain no value from the name-dropping, other than semi-entertaining stories about years in the trenches. I'm still me, a nonentity, so who am I to make fun of anyone who's achieved what I could not? Fair enough. I agree with those points. Still...

When I was an undergrad in 1993, a friend bought me a year's subscription to Playboy. (Subscribing to Playboy was a thing college dudes did back then.) The Playmate of the Year was Jenny McCarthy, so I got to know her quite well. As David Mamet once wrote, I could draw her from memory. Then MTV gave her a dating show, Singled Out, and I thought, good for her! She's actually spinning a career from her year between the staples. I finished grad school, moved back to L.A., and started work as a background extra in movies and TV. In the meantime, McCarthy earned an MTV sketch show, which then netted her a sitcom, Jenny, on NBC.

I got booked for a day's work on Jenny. Upon arrival, I learned they wanted me as more of a day-player actor. That almost never happens, so I remember it fondly. Also memorable was the fact that they expected me to play an acting coach, the kind who emphasizes animal traits via body movements. I chose to evoke a silverback gorilla, partly because I'm a stout guy but mostly because I thought it'd be funny. It was. McCarthy spent the morning prowling the set and announcing, "Vagina!" After about two dozen such pronouncements, she approached to learn her blocking. She watched me a few minutes, then came over and said hi. "You're a really good actor," she told me. It was one of the nicest things anyone said to me in the entertainment business-which, I grant you, sets the bar low. In any case, the show was canceled two weeks later so, to the best of my knowledge, the episode never aired.

I then booked two weeks on BASEketball, the Trey Parker/Matt Stone vehicle in which McCarthy played a trophy widow. I watched her work (having nothing better to do on one of the dreariest on-set experiences of my life) and thought, hey, look at this woman. She might actually stick it out. The movie was quickly relegated to Blockbuster bargain bins, but Jenny McCarthy was not. Long after I threw in the towel and moved to Oklahoma, she was still plugging away. Even her three, count 'em, three Razzie "wins" for Dirty Love in 2006 didn't deter her. Nor did her year on The View, during which time she established herself as our leading false authority on vaccination vis-à-vis autism. Thanks for the measles outbreak, Jenny!

Say what you will, Jenny McCarthy is a survivor. I respect that. Now she's hitting Little Creek Casino with a lineup of raunchy comedians. Does she know a damn thing about standup? You be the judge.

JENNY MCCARTHY: DIRTY SEXY FUNNY, 7 p.m. Wednesday, March 11, Little Creek Casino, 91 W. State Rd. 108, Shelton, $20-$40, 800.667.7711

Oscar Nominations

It's been an unusually strong year for movies, with outliers like Birdman, The Grand Budapest Hotel, Whiplash and Boyhood even snagging spots on the list of nominees for this year's Oscars. Missing are the mega-blockbusters from years past that would fog up the nominations, like the overwhelmingly mediocre Avatar. Marion Cotillard even got a nomination for Best Actress in a foreign-language film (Two Days, One Night), which is incredibly rare.

Still, it wouldn't be the Academy Awards if we weren't bitching about some notable snubs. Most obvious, at first glance, is The Lego Movie missing from Best Animated Feature. Another quibble is Whiplash being nominated for Adapted Screenplay, as opposed to original, thanks to byzantine Academy rules that say that Whiplash having earlier been made in a short film means that it technically has been adapted from its earlier form. Worst of all, though, is the general lack of love given to Selma, which was easily the best biopic of the entire year, giving a fair and powerful portrayal of Martin Luther King, Jr. While Selma did get nods for both Best Picture and Best Song, that's the entirety of it: nothing for stars David Oyelowo or Carmen Ejogo, or any other aspect of the film.

Still, it's overall a very thoughtful group of films chosen by an underground order or ancient white men. Way to almost be progressive and then fail at the last second, Hollywood!

Liberace Hologram

If anyone has spent any amount of time talking to me, you know my undying love for the HBO Liberace biopic, Behind the Candelabra. Others, who have talked to me when I'm drunk, may know of my idea for Behind the Candelabra's unofficial, direct-to-DVD sequel, Beyond the Candelabra, wherein Liberace is a ghost: Beau Bridges as Liberace, Macaulay Culkin as his young lover and Harry Dean Stanton as a Ghostbuster. There will be a love triangle, and it will be directed by David Cronenberg.

Still, I'm clearly not the only person interested in bringing Liberace back from the grave. It has been announced that Liberace will be joining the likes of Michael Jackson and Tupac Shakur in hologram form. No word yet on whether these holographic celebrities will join forces as interdimensional crime-fighters, but what we do know is that Liberace will once again tread the boards of Las Vegas and other venues, bringing his campy wit, indelible piano skills and general old-lady-wooing back from the nth dimension.

Justin Bieber

We can probably track the downward trajectory of the televised Comedy Central Roasts to that disastrous Roast of Chevy Chase, which featured a cavalcade of strangers making fun of a visibly upset Chase, with everyone's feeling getting hurt in the end. Continuing the tradition of shooting fish in a barrel, Comedy Central has announced that everyone's least favorite person, Justin Bieber, will be on the business end of their next roast. Odds are solid that the event will either end in Justin Bieber crying or trying to fight off those mean, mean comedians.

Whoever wins, we lose.