FREE EVENTS JAN. 9-15 IN THE SOUTH SOUND >>>

Bobble Tiki suggests that you start ducking and covering now. That's because it's this week's Freeloaders column - Morbid Edition. What in the Tim Burton is that, you ask? This week's column starts weird, with dark, morbid funhousey opening credits a montage of images happening in the South Sound this week and ends weird, with Crispin Glover singing the column's love theme, the Jackson 5 hit "Ben." If you are not a rat-o-phobe and end up reading this whole column, Bobble Tiki hopes you stay for the closing credits to hear Glover's bizarre, almost pretty take on the song, but like many reading this column right now, you may pack up and leave before it's ove...

For those still here, rub Pond's cold cream on your face and enjoy the following free morbid-ish events this week in the South Sound.

MONDAY, JAN. 9: The geeky Graphic Novel Book Club will discuss Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 by Tim Hamilton at 7 p.m. inside Hilltop Tacoma's book-themed 1022 South lounge. Hamilton's consistently muted color palette of grays, blues and blacks sustains the overarching gloomy mood and renders the bright flashes of red and orange flames all the more startling in contrast.

TUESDAY, JAN. 10: Rev. Colin co-hosts the wacky Tacoma Cult Movie Club, screening mini-skirted astro-vamps to folks of questionable character at The Acme Grub Cage. When Rev. Colin isn't behind the projector, he's behind the microphone hosting karaoke Tuesday through Saturday. At 9 p.m. Tuesday night Rev. Colin sets up camp in Puget Sound Pizza's lower level. In keeping with the Morbid Edition, Bobble Tiki suggests you sing, "There Is a Light That never Goes Out," "Girlfriend In a Coma," "The Eternal" and "The wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald."

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 11: The Tacoma Classics Book Club is a classic. It's been lurking around Tacoma since 1994. At 7 p.m. inside King's Books, the club will discuss the uplifting The Plague by Albert Camus, a carefully crafted political allegory about an epidemic of bubonic plague that takes place in the Algerian port city of Oran.

THURSDAY, JAN. 12: There's always one member of the family who takes it upon him- or herself to document every branch, twig, leaf and bud of the family tree. Sate this person's taste for amateur genealogy by dragging him or her to the Olympia Genealogical Society's monthly meeting at 7 p.m. in the Thurston County Courthouse, Building One, Room 152. The topic of this month's meeting will be obituaries. Awesome.

FRIDAY, JAN. 13: OK, this might be a stretch, but it's free and a lot of people are killed. Once Sold Tales Bookstore Outlet in Kent will screen Bourne Identity at 7 p.m., or what Bobble Tiki likes to call "Run, Damon, Run."

SATURDAY, JAN. 14: An informal discussion on family caregiving sounds depression to Bobble Tiki, but it's a fact of life. If you need resources, tools and skills to help care for a loved one, the Sumner Public Library offers a free class at 11:30 a.m.

SUNDAY, JAN. 15: Like Kenny Rogers says, you gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em. So put on your poker face and test your holding and folding at the free Texas Hold'em Tournament at 2:30 p.m. inside Halftime Sports Saloon in Gig Harbor. And remember, there'll be time enough for counting when the dealing's done. ...

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

WEEKLY VOLCANO WORLD NEWS >>>

Weekly Volcano Water Cooler manager Ted Augment opened and completely read today a spam email promising to add no less than two inches to his penis.

"This one actually sounds like it has some real science behind it," Augment said as he scrolled through the message - with the subject heading "Get a MONSTER ROD" - promoting herbal supplement Proverna, which claimed to "increase your pleasure -and hers - in less than a week!"

"I mean, check this out. Apparently this herb stimulates your abdominal muscles to contract more often, resulting in increased blood flow to the genital region, resulting in a thicker, longer erection," Augment said. "Kind of makes sense when you think about it."

After spending $82.99 on harmless fiber pills manufactured in Guam, Augment sent out an office-wide email stating the Washington Lottery has instigated a $2 Powerball game.

The $2 Powerball game story is actually not spam. Read the press release after the jump:

Read more...

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TUESDAY, JAN. 3, 2012 >>>

1. It's Tuesday, which means The Grand Cinema fires up the popcorn and threads another awesome indie film as part of its Tuesday Film Series. Hitting the screen at 1:30, 3:45 and 6 p.m. will be Director Andrew Haigh's Weekend, starring Tom Cullen and Chris New who have a one-night stand that becomes something more. Roger Ebert says it's"a smart, sensitive, perceptive film, with actors well suited to the dialogue. It underlines the difficulty of making connections outside our individual boxes of time and space."

2. When the folks behind the Franciscan Polar Plaza ice-skating rink arrived to melt the ice and call the downtown attraction a success, kids cried violently, throwing themselves on the ice. What do you do? Extend the run is what you do. Extended through Jan. 8, and running from 4-10 p.m. today, the Franciscan Polar Plaza will be alive with glee.

3. Trio De Vibe will fill the Mandolin Café in Tacoma with swanky jazz beginning at 6 p.m.

4. Spanish is one of the most widely spoken languages in the world. This makes it cool, because you can see all of the different ways it adapted as it spread around the world. Spaniards pronounce c's as a "th." Argentineans say a "y" sound using a "juh." In Costa Rica, the word for cool can be "duanes" or "pura vida," while in southern Spain, it's "guay." So why should you care? Because Tango Puget Sound will kick-off a month long of Tuesday Tango lessons beginning at 7 p.m. inside the South Bay Grange and it would be extra cool if you could whisper "cool" in a cool language into someone's ear.

5. You've read about Geeks Who Drink Quiz Night with Quizmaster Holland Hume. Have you seen the glorious, boozy game show yet? It starts at 8 p.m. inside Paddy Coyne's Irish Pub. It ends with you passed out in your bedroom clutching your game card.

BONUS: Tacoma author Mariss Meyer unveils the Cinder series

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Nightlife It List

LINK: This week's freebies

TUESDAY, DEC. 26, 2011 >>>

In Tacoma, Paddy Coyne's is the site of John Dicker's Geeks Who Drink pub quiz night. Dicker, a genius from Colorado, has taken the Irish Pub quiz tradition to a new level with Geeks Who Drink games across the nation, including every Tuesday night at the downtown pub, hosted by graphic artist and Weekly Volcano production assistant Holland Hume. The quiz consists of eight rounds of eight questions and is played in teams of up to six people. Questions are read aloud by the quizmaster; teams write their answers on provided sheets and turn them in at the end of each round. The team with the most points after eight rounds is the winner. It's awesome fun.

2. Speaking of trivia, there are abundant trivia choices throughout Tacoma today. Test your brain at any of the following water holes tonight: The Mix, The Hub, Farrelli's or The Swiss. And for a full look at bar trivia nights throughout the South Sound, check out our calendar of events.

3. Enjoy a little post Christmas karaoke in a bowling alley tonight at the Bull Market Bar and Grill at Paradise Bowl.

4. Test out your pipes tonight at O'Malley's during the weekly karaoke with Danny Ray.

5. Down south, it's open mic night at Tugboat Annie's in Olympia, and even further down Interstate 5 find an all-ages performance by the band Slow Roller at the McMenamin's owned Olympic Club Hotel and Theater.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Live music tonight

MONDAY, DEC. 19, 2011 >>>

1. Oh yes, it is winter. Instead of allowing your hostility toward cold and snow and Mother Nature build and build (a destructive practice that may surely only result in tragedy, namely the increased proliferation of strip malls and other nature-defying-structures across our fair South Sound), make your peace. Experience the beauty of nature during the colder months. Join a park ranger to learn the art of snowshoeing and discover how plants, animals, and people adapt to the challenging winter conditions at Mount Rainier. Snowshoe walks daily at 12:30 and 2:30 p.m.

2. Only six more shopping days left ... so begins the jolliest (and undeniably the most stressful) time of the year. Especially these days, with the economy wallowing in the shitter. Santa has local gift ideas for your mom/aunt/significant other/sibling/bus driver/favorite local vagrant/bossman/whomever over on his Santa Says Blog.

3. Tired of boring old posters on your living space walls? The folks at State of the Arts Gallery in Olympia, which specializes in selling art created by Northwest and regional artists, has some interesting alternatives as part of its 20^th Annual Deck The Walls & More show, which is open today from 10 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. - normally close don Mondays.

4. You're sick and tired of driving through the neighborhood looking at the homes of people who think they deserve an award for their light displays. You deserve to take a night to go see ZooLights at Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium. Billed as the region's biggest walk-through light show, ZooLights includes animated light sculptures, live entertainment, snacks, animal encounters and the Paul Titus Carousel. While enjoying your stroll, be thankful you're not in charge of this holiday light display. The lights flip on at 5 p.m.

5. From 6-8 p.m. host Jeff Ross tosses out random trivia questions about movies, sports, news and geography to teams of players at the Mandolin Café - while students study in the corner, ladies knit and that one guy dozes next to the fire. The winning team of each round - six total - receives a bowl of candy. The overall winning team scores a free drink, which means beer and wine.

PLUS: Sing-along "Messiah" in Olympia

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: live music and DJs tonight

WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE >>>

When I was a wee one, my heroes were not Roger Staubach, James Bond or even H. R. Puffinstuff. No, I looked up to Ted Simmons, a science professor from Orlando, Florida, and Milly Cornwall, a "stewardess" from Wichita, Kansas. I knew little about them; Ted had a beloved coin collection, and Milly was an avid tennis player. But I absorbed their essence.

They were the few, the proud, the contestants on Match Game. RIP Gene Rayburn!

I'm told other kids frolicked outside on swings, swam in pools and jumped their bikes over their friends. I even think I saw a few of them from my window while I was immersing myself in $20,000 Pyramid, Break the Bank, Password, Joker's Wild and my beloved Family Feud.

This was showbiz: microphones, funny banter, flashing lights and lovely parting gifts.

I wanted so bad to be on one of those shows. To be that young boy from Enumclaw whom could one day grow up and stand next to Bert Convy.

Ah, but life is such a cruel bitch.

Now I hear Family Feud will be in the area in January looking for contestants. And the dream is once again sparked. Could I get the chance to trade witty banter with host Steve Harvey and win $100,000 in cold hard cash?

Then I remember I have to bring family members.

I'm out.

[South Hill Mall, Family Feud auditions, Saturday, Jan. 14-Sunday, Jan. 15, need five family members, call for an appointment at 323.762.8467, or email seattle@familytryouts.com for complete information and available times]

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 14, 2011 >>>

1. Get your holiday spirit on big band style tonight at Tacoma Musical Playhouse when the Swing Reunion Band busts out "A Big Band Christmas." The show starts at 7:30 p.m. and tickets run $20.

2. Holy crap! Hump Day already? That must mean it's time again for Masa College Night. Expect flesh.

3. There was a time when the Big Friction Jam at Jazzbones was THE place to be for Sunday night maxin', relaxin' and jammin'. Powered by the groove-heavy leanings of saxophonist Brett "Big Friction" Cummings, the Big Friction house band took the stage, laid down the funk and groove, and magic ensued, with a cast of talented locals streaming through to take the stage and get down. Tonight, under the increasingly-cool "Wednesday Sessions" header, Jazzbones will welcome back the Big Friction Jam for an evening that's sure to blow your usual Hump Day plans out of the proverbial water. If you're down to jam on it (or enjoy when others jam on it) this one's for you.

4. John Phillips & Gary Crooks perform at Pastiche Wine Bar on Tacoma's Sixth Avenue tonight at 6 p.m.

5. Play bingo with those not just killing time before the Grim Reaper calls their number. Every Wednesday at The New Frontier Lounge, players are treated to a rather boisterous evening of number-calling. The music rocks, the prizes are craptastic and there's something very satisfying about yelling "It's not a tumor!" when B-9 is pulled from the hopper (Schwarzenegger anyone?). Sessions are free with $2 margaritas and $4 Cuervo Gold shots during bingo. Every Wednesday night is also Taco Night with $1 beef, $1 black bean and $2 chicken in soft or crunchy shells.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Live music tonight

Bobble Tiki speared Christmas shopping. Not "eased it"; not "did it early."  Speared it.  In one all-night, online hurricane of holiday goodwill. A monster bag of Tim's chips and a two-liter bottle of Dew (a salute to the creators of the Net), Bobble Tiki demolished his nagging list and reclaimed the month of December for actual living - which means bingo tonight!

Lakewood Pub and Grill offers bingo each Sunday night to offer folks a way to relax with a beer and some food while they win stuff they likely don't need. Last week people won Stanley screwdrivers and glittered ornaments that sent glitter spewing when touched. Awesome.

[Lakewood Pub and Grill, 5 p.m. Sunday, free to play, 7505 Steilacoom Blvd. SW, Lakewood, 253.5682.9185]

Jennifer Langlow, Jennifer Akana and Jill Schock working the squares at the Lakewood Pub and Grill.

LINK: Other stuff to do tonight

WEDNESDAY DEC. 7, 2011 >>>

1. Play bingo with those not just killing time before the Grim Reaper calls their number. Every Wednesday at The New Frontier Lounge, players are treated to a rather boisterous evening of number-calling. The music rocks, the prizes are craptastic and there's something very satisfying about yelling "It's not a tumor!" when B-9 is pulled from the hopper (Schwarzenegger anyone?). Sessions are free with $2 margaritas and $4 Cuervo Gold shots during bingo. Every Wednesday night is also Taco Night with $1 beef, $1 black bean and $2 chicken in soft or crunchy shells.

2. When it comes to coverage of climate change, energy, and environmental issues, the meltdown in mainstream news reporting couldn't come at a worse time. That shrinking category of news is as critical as ever. But the ranks of reporters best equipped to cover these major environmental and climate change stories at most news outlets, particularly in local markets, are being decimated. Ellen Moore, lecturer for Interdisciplinary Arts and Sciences at UW Tacoma, will discuss how mainstream media cover environmental issues at 12:30 p.m. in Room 117 of the Joy Building on the University of Washington Tacoma campus.

3. A Midsummer Night's Dream is filled with more plot twists, love triangles and relationship misadventures than your average Hollywood chick flick. Some might even say that it's like an episode of Jerry Springer filmed on location in an enchanted Athenian forest. Under the lead of student director Jordan Beck, 12 Pacific Lutheran University students will stage the Shakespeare classic - with contemporary costuming and an expressionistic, whimsical set - at 7:30 p.m. on the Eastvold Mainstage.

4. Doyle's Public House will add a little holiday spirit to its 8 p.m. Wednesday Knowledge Night contest. The Stadium District watering hole will be collecting canned food and toys during the game. In return for your generous donation you'll receive a free appetizer and a chance to win bonus points and prizes.

5. Hawaiian reggae band Island Bound will perform at 8 p.m. inside Jazzbones.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Happy hours

NOW WITH MORE TACOS >>>

Play bingo with those not just killing time before the Grim Reaper calls their number.

Every Wednesday at The New Frontier, players are treated to a rather boisterous evening of number-calling by the lovely Brooke.

The music rocks, the prizes are craptastic and there's something very satisfying about yelling "It's not a tumor!" when B-9 is pulled from the hopper (Schwarzenegger anyone?).

Sessions are free with $2 margaritas and $4 Cuervo Gold shots during bingo.

Every Wednesday night is also Taco Night with $1 beef, $1 black bean and $2 chicken in soft or crunchy shells.

[The New Frontier Lounge, Wednesdays, 10 p.m., free, 301 E. 25th St., Tacoma, 253.572.4020]

LINK: Rock & Roll Bingo photos!