SUZY STUMP: CALENDAR GIRL >>>

Tour of Urban Living
OK, you live here â€" here being the suburbs. Mrs. Kravitz next door drives you insane with her uptight attitude. Kids jumping their Schwinns off wooden ramps irritate. And the neighbor’s dog? I know. That neighborhood is not you.

It doesn’t take a Microsoft employee to realize that downtown Tacoma is now an urban center capable of entertaining and sustaining a downtown populace. Condos and apartments are sprouting up at a rapid pace with the coffee shops, restaurants and boutiques to support them. Whether you plan to leave the burbs or not, this weekend is an opportunity to sneak a peek into how the other half lives. The Tour of Urban Living is a foot-on-the-ground and up-the-elevator tour of condos, townhomes and apartments in the city of Tacoma.

[Downtown Tacoma, Oct. 11-12, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., free, self-guided tour, Pantages Theater homebase (maps, coffee), Ninth and Broadway, Tacoma]

Haunted Asylum
With all the political and international turmoil, this is shaping up to be the scariest Halloween ever! For instance, artist Ben Isitt and the Freighthouse Square have teamed up to resurrect the Black Lake Medical Asylum. The following release has been, er, released:

Of course, the timeliness of this announcement leads some of us journalistic types to suspect that the haunting is not for real. And it doesn’t matter. With the help of professional actors, outstanding artistry and high-tech gadgetry, the transformation of the Freighthouse Square from a happy shopping center to a blood-curdling nightmare is possible, even if down deep we know it’s not based on fact. Or is it?

The Rain City Hearse Club will hold a rally at the Asylum tonight, too.

[Freighthouse Square, Oct. 11, 6 p.m. to midnight, $13 per patient in advance at participating Freighthouse merchants or at the door (there’s an ATM on-site; those things scare me every time), 2501 E. D St., Tacoma]

LINK: ViVA South Sound arts and entertainment calendar

STEPH DEROSA: BLACK LAKE ASYLUM >>>

Ben Isitt of Art Attack is THE MAN when it comes to creating Hollywood-type, top-notch, molded monster replicas. So when it came time for Kate Malady, events coordinator for Freighthouse Square, to set up her Black Lake Asylum-themed haunted house, it was Ben Isitt she called.

A cast and crew of 21 frightening actors will fill the empty masks and garb â€" some coming from Tacoma School of the Arts, others coming from fraternities of “veteran haunters.” Yes, that’s right; “haunters” have their own community. Who knew? I was amazed. Looking for someone to scare the crap out of you? Go to haunternet.com! One-stop bloodcurdling shopping! Want to talk about the 4-year-old you scared who will need therapy for the rest of his life? Pop into halloweenforum.com!

I meandered through the empty 9,000 square feet that will host this year’s haunted house in Tacoma’s Freighthouse Square from Oct. 10-31. In the front room, Mr. Isitt had some of his creations out for spectators to grimace toward. I witnessed a 4-foot, hairy, lurching spider that will pop out at unsuspecting victims, a wall of corpse faces with one hole punched out for a real face to scare those who pass by, and a monster cavity that is indescribably gory. Isitt clued me in to the mixture that would make up the monster cavity’s “gurgle”: Borax, Elmer’s glue, and food coloring. Yummy.

Isitt even created an image of me after attending the Puyallup Fair. The similarities are amazingly accurate.

Across the hall stood the worst dentist’s office I’ve ever seen. Sound effects, lights, and eerie fog creeped me out â€" BIG TIME. I came to this Black Lake Asylum haunted house preview with the intent of actually going through the completed haunted house. I’ll admit I wanted to have the piss scared out of me. Although the set-up was nowhere near complete, the overall ambiance of creepiness and gore had goosebumps crawling all over my body.

The grand finale piece is a large, over 7-foot monster in which Andrew Meyers will operate. If you look in the picture’s chest, the oval opening is where Meyer’s face will be. So, seeing as how Meyers is already 6’3,” think how tall the monster will be once it’s in action. Meyers plans on moving those bony arms and grabbing sufferers as they try and escape the Black Lake Asylum. I’ll see you then, Andrew Meyers. But if you grab me in the wrong place, you’re going to have to buy me a drink afterwards.