"I soon got used to this singing, for the sailors never touched a rope without it....It is a great thing in a sailor to know how to sing well, for he gets a great name by it from the officers, and a good deal of popularity among his shipmates." - Herman Melville, Redburn

Like many of you, I had my share of youthful indiscretions. I wedged my mom's car between two trees (don't ask), tried the occasional illicit substance and ... you know, now that I think back, I may have been married for a few years back in the '90s. Whew, that was a dark time. The habit I look back on with the most confusion and embarrassment, however, is not a drug or psychotic relationship. It's a weird Japanese pastime that took off in American clubs in the 1990s and was never fully eradicated by the forces of good. I'm referring, of course, to karaoke. Did you know karaoke is the clipped form of a Japanese phrase that means "empty orchestra?" That about says it all. I myself was guilty of numerous slurred performances of "Rocky Raccoon," "It's Still Rock and Roll to Me," and, in a recurring quest to score phone numbers from insecure women, "Creep." Judge not, me hearties. I've seen plenty of you tormenting open karaoke mics at La Palma and the Crippler.

The trick to karaoke, it seems to me, is performing ironically. I for one used to walk into good ol' boy establishments in small-town Oklahoma and croon Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know." When I'd get to the line about being extra friendly in a theater, you could feel locals' annoyance like incipient sunburn. I recommend it highly next time you're in the Flyover Zone. Have a friend keep an escape vehicle idling nearby.

That's my technique for keeping an audience on its toes. Honestly, though, what better, more ironic way is there to sing karaoke than in the guttural timbre of a pirate? At Bob's Java Jive, there's a recurring event called "Pirate Karaoke," where you're not only encouraged to sing like a pirate; you can dress like one, too. Imagine, if you will, Lucky the Shoulder Parrot joining you in a stirring round of "Come As You ARRRR!" in the same dive where Kurt Cobain himself used to put away brewskis. That's ironic on a whole other level. Your host Bowan the Black offers a library of 100,000 songs including Styx's "Come Sail Away" and Selena Gomez's "Lubber in Me." (Sorry.) If you're lucky, you'll enjoy the company of rowdy cosplayers The Black Bank, Criminal Dawn, The Feisty Felines or House Madrasa. If not, your rendition of "Don't Stop Believin'" will earn you a stroll down the plank.

One last thing: Tacoma landmark Bob's Java Jive is shaped like a giant coffeepot, so imagine how blasted you'll feel when you stagger outside, three sheets to the wind from pirate grog or (more likely) PBR. Dead men tell no tales!

PIRATE KARAOKE, 9 p.m. Friday, Dec. 5, Bob's Java Jive, 2102 S. Tacoma Way, Tacoma, no cover, 253.475.9843

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 3 2014 >>>

1. Puyallup Fair and Events Center will be turned into a Christmas lover's wonderland for five days when the Victorian Country Christmas festival opens at 10 a.m. Holiday music will fill the air as live musicians stroll through a festive array of Christmas décor and animated displays. Visitors can shop all day as well as enjoy the shows and a vast array of food offerings. There are also carriage rides, Santa Tram rides and the Christmas Carousel. Best of all, for those who love to sing Christmas carols, the festival features Christmas Karaoke.

2. Tacoma Art Museum Chief Curator Rock Hushka will lead a discussion on the history and inspiration behind the sound and video installation Mary Lucier: The Plains of Sweet Regret at 11 a.m. Hear how the video stemmed from a larger project titled Emptying Out of the Plains that was commissioned by the North Dakota Museum of Art. Find out more about this installation and how life is on the plains almost 10 years after the video was created.

3. Tacoma's Mad Hat Tea Co. and local band The Cloves teamed up to create their own special tea blend. Mad Hat's Tobin and Maureen created a unique mix of black tea, cinnamon and cloves to spawn "Tea Time with The Cloves." Thrilled with the tea, the band will celebrate with an acoustic set at 4:30 p.m. in the tea shop in downtown Tacoma.

4. The South Puget Sound Community College Choir will join voices with the Puget Sound Community Choir and St. Martin's University Chorale, all to the festive strains of the Department of Washington American Legion Band for Sounds of the Season at 7 p.m. on the Minnaert Center Main Stage. Among tunes performed will be "Ding Dong Merrily on High," "A Virgin Unspotted," "A Visit from St. Nicholas" with poetic narration, and a "Christmas on Broadway" medley featuring the songs of Irving Berlin. This heartwarming concert will be followed by a sing-along of carols with the audience. O night divine!

5. Tacoma and Seattle music scenes will collide at 8 p.m. when Maurice the Fish Records welcomes London Tone Music's artists in a showcase at Jazzbones. The all-ages show will feature musicians Eric Lilavois, Science! And Vanowen. The staff of both labels will be on hand with open arms if you'd like to hand them your CDs.

LINK: Wednesday, Dec. 3 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

TUESDAY, DEC. 2 2014 >>>

1. One Chance is a dramedy about the unlikely rise of Britain's Got Talent breakout Paul Potts (played by James Corden, who just replaced Craig Ferguson as host of The Late Late Show). Potts, a shy, bullied shop assistant by day and an amateur opera singer by night, became a phenomenon after being chosen for - and ultimately winning - the talent show (2007). See One Chance at 2:15 and 6:55 at The Grand Cinema.

2. Hard cider is the kindest of alcoholic beverages. Beer must be cumbersomely boiled, wine is expensive and poorly distilled spirits can blow up and fry your eyes. They all involve so much waiting. Cider is a relative cakewalk. Find out if this is true when Number 6 Cider out of Seattle launched its brand at The Red Hot beginning at 6 p.m.

3. Detroit kid Nathan Watts started on trumpet and switched to electric bass in high school, at the urging of childhood pals Ollie Brown and Ray Parker, Jr. Inspired by the Funk Brothers - who he watched through the basement window at Motown's Hitsville Studios - as well as the rock and roll of Jimi Hendrix and Rare Earth, Watts worked his way through local bands. In 1974, via Parker, Jr's recommendation, Watts got a call from Stevie Wonder's office. Making a good debut showing at a large concert in Memphis and acing an L.A. audition, Nate was firmly in place for the recording of Wonder's 1976 smash, Songs in the Key of Life. The rest, as they say, is history. Watts became Wonder's permanent musical director and bassist. Ted Brown Music will host Watts for a performance and chat from 6-8 p.m. "for all to sing, dance and clap their hands."

4. The Far Field is a brand new, folk music band consisting of four experienced musicians sneaking in through the backdoor of Tacoma's local music scene. Their sound is reminiscent of the revival-folk of the '60s full of jangly guitars and wheezing harmonicas. Catch the band at 6:30 p.m. in the B Sharp Coffee House.

5. The outdoors is our neighborhood playground for growth, introspection and escape. Since the time of George Vancouver and Peter Puget, the South Puget Sound has been and will always be an adventurer's region. For that reason, the Banff Mountain Film Festival's annual visit draws huge crowds to see a who's who of the mountain adventure world and learn the story behind the adventurers. Watch and hear amazing stories of the outdoors at 6:45 p.m. in the Rialto Theater.

LINK: Tuesday, Dec. 2 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

Chomping the shark, this is Nerd Alert, the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.

I submit to you, Gentle Reader, that last week was among the most exciting in recent geek history. No sooner had Rev. Adam posted his Nerd Alert for the week than Universal pulled a surprise move, undercutting its own countdown clock by two days and releasing the Jurassic World teaser to an Internet clamoring for a break from sad Missouri news. I'm a dino buff from way back, so this teaser left stirrings in my genes. ("Ooh, it's Mr. DNA!") To answer your first objection, yes, the raptors are actually an overgrown version of a species called Deinonychus and have way too few feathers. Also, that big mothergator in the lagoon, the one that noshes on Bruce in a sly jab at executive producer Steven Spielberg, is a Mosasaurus - a Cretaceous leviathan almost 60 feet long that probably did swallow sharks whole, then digest them over time like an anaconda or the all-powerful sarlacc. Incidentally, look closely the next time you watch the teaser: those raptors aren't hunting Chris Pratt; they're hunting with him. They're in his motorcycle gang; and if that doesn't make Pratt the coolest dude on our planet, then I'm a veggie-saurus. Jurassic World comes out on my 47th birthday, because I am down with Jeebus.

"There has been an awakening. Have you felt it?" Based on how drastically my Internet slowed down Friday morning, I'll freaking bet you have. The Star Wars: The Force Awakens teaser was released to near-ubiquitous fanfare, especially the John Williams fanfare that hailed the reappearance of the Millennium Falcon to the saga. Between TIE fighters, X-wings, new characters, cruciform lightsabers, snowy forest planets, soccerbots and what sure as hell sounds like Benedict Cumberbatch intoning his lines through a swig of battery acid, the 88-second teaser offered just enough to whet our appetite to the breaking point without giving away anything of significance. That's impressive for a teaser over a year in advance. I watched it alone in a dark room with my childhood so my wife wouldn't catch me having petit mal geek seizures.

THURSDAY, DEC. 4

Thursday, Christopher Walken stars as Captain Hook in NBC's second stab at Twitter-bait musical theater, Peter Pan Live! That exclamation point's emphatically theirs, by the way. I see live musical theater all the time, made by people who know what they're doing, yet have a hell of a time getting most people to give a wet slap about it. So if you insist on bypassing the three, count 'em, three live musicals opening this weekend in the South Sound in order to watch Marnie from Girls play a boy on a wire, that's on you. Otherwise, Joann Varnell and I will be at The Head That Wouldn't Die (Theater Artists Olympia), Scrooge: The Musical (Tacoma Little Theatre) or A Year With Frog and Toad (Lakewood Playhouse). The Stardust Christmas Commotion is still packing 'em in at Harlequin Productions. I'll also review Olympia Little Theatre's take on Neil Simon's Barefoot in the Park, which opens Friday. There's no singing or flying, but I hear Lena Dunham gets naked in it.

SUNDAY, DEC. 7

On Discovery's Eaten Alive, environmentalist Paul Rosolie goads an anaconda into eating his head. That's an actual show, folks. I'm not even kidding. He can do this trick once.

TUESDAY, DEC. 9

I already clued you in to Thursday's Blu-ray and DVD release of Guardians of the Galaxy, so instead I ask you to pick up your visual scanning and look at a couple of books. Frank Portman's 2006 YA novel King Dork was one of my favorites that year. It's a cross between Catcher in the Rye and High Fidelity, in which high school sophomore Tom Henderson navigates the tricky adolescent social sphere six years after his cop father's death. Now Portman offers a sequel, King Dork Approximately, in which Henderson is still in the 10th-grade but unlocks the challenging "first girlfriend" level. No less an authority than John Green (The Fault in Our Stars) said, "Basically, if you are a human being with even a vague grasp of the English language, King Dork will rock your world." I have nothing further, Your Honor.

Then there's Moriarty by Anthony Horowitz, in which an American Pinkerton detective, the aptly-named Frederick Chase, awaits Moriarty's nefarious successor. Remember, Sherlock Holmes pushed "the Napoleon of crime" to his just demise at the Reichenbach Falls ... or did he? That's the tension driving the action of a novel endorsed by the Conan Doyle estate. Personally, they had me at "Sherlock," but if you need more, consider this: the London Daily Mail calls Moriarty "the finest crime novel of the year." Read it now before the inevitable movie starring Pratt as Dr. John Watson, Christopher Walken as Moriarty, and Kristen Stewart as Holmes' sad, empty chair.

Sons of Anarchy wraps Tuesday. I've never seen the show, but here's a spoiler anyway: everyone dies except Horatio and Fortinbras. Meanwhile, Square Enix releases a new co-op Tomb Raider adventure, Lara Croft and the Temple of Osiris, in which the titular British adventurer must crisscross Egypt in search of yet another ancient MacGuffin. What was that? No, I said "titular," meaning "mentioned in the title." Why are you snickering?

Until next week, may the Force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, and if Kristen Stewart chases you, run.

MONDAY, DEC. 1 2014 >>>

1. The outdoors is our neighborhood playground for growth, introspection and escape. Since the time of George Vancouver and Peter Puget, the South Puget Sound has been and will always be an adventurer's region. For that reason, the Banff Mountain Film Festival's annual visit draws huge crowds to see a who's who of the mountain adventure world and learn the story behind the adventurers. Watch and hear amazing stories of the outdoors at 6:45 p.m. in the Rialto Theater.

2. "Do not open till Christmas" should never apply to beer. From Dec. 1 through Dec. 24, Engine House No. 9 will be releasing a different specialty bottle or tap beer; follow along and feel the Christmas spirit in your veins.

3. Online Tacoma magazine Post Defiance wants you to SHUT IT in the Hotel Murano's lobby. Grab a book and read in silence from 5:30-8:30 p.m. Turn off the cellphone!

4. Pianist Benjamin Bergmark gigs with the 56th Army Band and Olympia's big band, the Jazz Senators. Hear him at 8 p.m. in Rhythm and Rye in downtown Olympia.

5. A Washington Blues Society Best Blues Act nominee, keyboardist Mark Hurwitz and Gin Creek performs an upbeat, joyous blend of blues, jump, swing, and old school R&B. Catch the band at 8 p.m. in The Swiss.

LINK: Monday, Dec. 1 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

You have to admire professional figure skaters. They squeeze themselves into skin-tight spandex jumpsuits and dance onto the ice in front of thousands of people - the women unconcerned about their thighs, the men fearless of shrinkage  - often accompanied by terrible show tunes and Cher remixes, all for a little bit of money and a Sunday afternoon television slot.

You won't find any of that Saturday nights at the Franciscan Polar Plaza ice rink. Nope, you'll find kids, middle and high schoolers, families, hipsters, date nighters and large groups of friends skating, laughing and falling on their asses to live, local music.

Last night, representatives from all categories hit the ice for an evening of laughs and rockin' music, thanks to SweetKiss Momma, the Southern rock band based in Puyallup. The band - hot off the heels of their Band In Seattle live taping (look for it in March on KSTW Channel 11) - took time away from planning their January/February European tour to perform songs off their lauded, Nashville-recorded CD, A Reckoning Is Coming, in front of ice skaters in downtown Tacoma.

It was a night of good sports. SweetKiss Momma performed with brand new guitarist Jack Parker. The band also braved temperatures in the mid-20s, shoving their hands in heat warmers so fingers wouldn't snap off. Ice skaters allowed SweetKiss lead singer Jeff Hamel to mess with them. He called out several skating direction changes throughout the night, and even stopped the action for a rousing game of Red Light, Green Light, which everyone joined in. Last, The band serenaded an 18-year-old woman who celebrated her birthday with a group of friends.

The frigid temperatures, holiday weekend and Apple Cup didn't prevent Polar Plaza from hosting the busiest day of ice-skating this season.

A big, WARM thank you to SweetKiss Momma and all who came out to watch the band and ice skate.

The Franciscan Polar Plaza ice rink at Tollefson Plaza hosts public ice skating sessions across the street from the Tacoma Art Museum daily through Jan. 11.

Tacoma Americana band Shotgun Kicthen is up next at the ice rink, performing 7-9 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 6. In the meantime, enjoy a few photos and a video from Saturday's down home holiday hoedown with SweetKiss Momma.

SEE ALSO

Words, photos and a video from The Cottonwood Cutups live performance at the Polar Plaza ice rink

The backstory and band schedule for the Weekly Volcano's Rhythm & Ice music series at the Franciscan Polar Plaza ice rink

SUNDAY, NOV. 30 2014 >>>

1. Suave Bing Crosby and fleet-of-foot Danny Kaye star as workaholic Bob Wallace and playboy Phil Davis, successful 1950s vaudevillians who discover the lovely Haynes sisters, then accompany them to their holiday gig at an inn in Vermont that turns out to be (a) run by the guys' adored old World War II general and (b) dying the tourist death due to an absence of frozen precipitation. Crosby and Kaye decide to bring in their retinue and put on a show in the barn. Romantic misunderstandings and big numbers ensue. But in the end, each song-and-dance man gets a Haynes, snow flutters down and YOU get to sing along to the tune Crosby made the bestselling record in history. We are, of course, speaking of the White Christmas Sing Along at 5 p.m. in the Washington Center. In addition to goodie bags, the Washington Center will award prizes to the best holiday sweaters.

2. After a year of construction at a cost of $15.5 million, the 16,000-square-foot expansion adds 32 percent new space to the Tacoma Art Museum's 50,000-square-foot facility. This state-of-the-art project includes four gracious new galleries, a sculpture hallway and an enlarged light-filled lobby. New visitor amenities include an orientation space, redesigned entrances on Pacific Avenue and on the parking level with a new glass enclosed vestibule, beautiful new landscaping and major outdoor sculptural works, plus improvements to the museum's store and café. Erivan and Helga Haub donated 295 Western American works of art from their private collection to the Tacoma Art Museum. The collection spans 200 years, from famed early artists/explorers to notable present day masters. Read Alec Clayton's full story on the Haub Fally Collection wing at the Tacoma Art Museum in the Music & Culture Section, then check it out from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

3. With 150 years of popularity, it's no wonder that Louisa May Alcott's Little Women was the number one patron pick for plays to be performed during the 2014/2015 season at Lakewood Playhouse. The script highlights most of the major plot points of the novel and takes the audience on a journey through the experiences of the four March sisters: Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy. Directed by Suzy Wilhoft, the actors do a remarkable job manipulating the emotions of the audience. The audience roared, chuckled, giggled and smirked at the antics and snarkiness of Jo and Laurie, the pretentious airs of Amy and Hannah's long suffering exasperation. Read Joann Varnell's full review of Little Women in the music & Culture section, then ctach the show at 2 p.m. in the Lakewood Playhouse.

4. 6th Ave Dinner Tours is celebrating their next shindig with a live musical performance by Steve Stefanowicz at 6 p.m. First enjoy a guided dinner tour with start times at 3:30 4:30 and 5:30 p.m. launching from Studio 6 Ballroom. "The Funky Umbrella Tour" will guide you down the Ave as you nibble your way through Half Pint Pizza Pub, Wild Orchid and Ice Cream Social, plus nibbles from Legendary Donuts. Tickets are $35. More details can be found at 6thAveDinnerTours.com.

5. Michele D'Amour and the Love Dealers play high energy, danceable blues, often with a touch of funk and R&B. The Seattle-area based band will perform at 7 p.m. in The Spar in Old Town Tacoma.

LINK: Sunday, Nov. 30 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

SATURDAY, NOV. 29 2014 >>>

1. Once, in college, you fell while ice-skating, and sliced open your left shin with the blade on your right foot. It was bloody and embarrassing but kind of farcical - the EMTs who came to retrieve you off the ice didn't have skates on, so they were falling, too. Even after that, you still want to skate the Franciscan Polar Plaza ice rink. You're awesome. Tonight, from 7-9 p.m. SweetKiss Momma will perform at the ice rink. The Puyallup band draws from several eras of Southern rock, from the heavy blues of their new Nashville-produced CD A Reckoning Is Coming's title track to the Wilco-ish lilt of "Same Old Stories" and "Laura Rose," the arena-sized stomps and handclaps of "For the Last Time" to the silly organ-led jaunt of "Birthday Cake."

2. Desco Audio & Video in Olympia is rockin' Small Business Saturday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. with Mr. Scott's Hot Vinyl Party - a throw back to the '70s HiFi Days and celebrating vinyl and the people that love it. Bring in your turntable and up to five records, and get a free turntable tune-up and record cleaning. Your records will be professionally cleaned using Last Factory fluid and Desco's Music Hall Record Vacuum machine. Then returned to you in a new, anti-static, archival-quality sleeve. Then, kick back in their listening room and your records (and their records) on state-of-the-art equipment by Music Hall, Rotel and Bowers & Wilkins.

3. For most Brits, a visit to the local theatre to see the pantomime is as much part of the Christmas season as turkey is to an American's Thanksgiving. What is particularly appealing to the Brits is the exuberant traditions of "panto." This kind of pantomime is anything but silent. It's loud, boisterous, full of music, ridiculous humor and audience participation. The Centerstage panto version of Jack and the Beanstalk by Paul Hendy follows the traditional story of a young boy living with his widowed mother and a milk cow who is their only source of income and their subsequent involvement with a family of giants. Check it out at 2 and 7 p.m.

4. You don't have to be Catholic or a recovering Catholic to be wowed by the colorful and explosive Sister. Since 1993, Sister transforms from being a kindly instructor who rewards the audience for correct answers (prizes include glow-in-the-dark rosaries and laminated saint cards) to being more of a disciplinarian. It's a show that's been lauded by The New York Times for "(speaking) to an audience much broader than the membership of any one church." The Broadway Center presents a new version of the show, sort of a "CSI goes to Bethlehem." Sister takes on the mystery that has intrigued historians throughout the ages - whatever happened to the Magi's gold? You'll hear the retelling the story of the nativity, as only Sister can, in a hilarious holiday show Sister's Christmas Catechism: The Mystery of the Magi's Gold at 3 p.m. in the Pantages Theater. Afterward, the annual Holiday Tree Lightning community hug goes down at 5 p.m. in front of the Pantages.

5. The Deleted are a band that freely say that they're hillbillies, but something tells us there's a healthy amount of sarcasm in that statement. The pop-punk band hails from Port Orchard, and it's true that there's a bit of rowdiness in their music that could recall a messy punk party in a honky tonk. Still, their song "Drunk'n Cowboy" has a good amount of loathsome venom in their lyrics describing the kind of awful white trash dude who molests his wife, beats his kids and has a "two-inch dick." Catch the band with Klondike Kate, Godfish and Rain City Rebels at 8 p.m. in Bob's Java Jive.

LINK: Saturday, Nov. 29 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

FRIDAY, NOV. 28 2014 >>>

1. Over the course of their 30-minute, three-song, self-titled album, Hang The Old Year take you on serpentine, eminently listenable journeys through every musical peccadillo the members possess. The massive sounds of Godspeed You! Black Emperor and King Crimson, in particular, resonate quite loudly in the album. These songs can tend to mind-meld with you, causing you to lose time as you drift away for a few minutes, before Hang The Old Year come crashing back in with slash-and-burn guitars and defiantly bombastic crescendos. Read Rev. Adam McKinney's full feature on Hang The Old Year in the Music & Culture section, then catch the band with Edhochuli, Blank Boys and Gloss at 7 p.m. for an all-ages show at Le Voyeur.

2. The Thurston County Fair's annual Holiday Bazaar offers more than 100 vendors in four buildings selling handcrafted gifts and goodies. The free admission and free parking also make it affordable. New this year is a donation station for winter coats and clothing that will help keep many young Thurston County residents warm this winter. Check it out from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

3. Let there be light! Although many spots around the South Sound have holiday light shows, Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium's Zoolights outshines the rest. The 27th edition will dazzle visitors as more than 550,000 brilliant LEDs bring zoo animals and landmarks to life in a not-to-be-missed kaleidoscope of color and holiday magic. Billed as the region's biggest walk-through light show, Zoolights includes animated light sculptures, live entertainment, snacks, animal encounters and the Paul Titus Carousel. While enjoying your stroll, be thankful you're not in charge of this holiday light display.

4. Junkyard Jane is a Northwest "swampabilly" blues band performing original music and consisting of: vocalist/percussionist Leanne Trevalyan, vocalist/guitarist Billy Stoops, bassist Barbra Blue and drummer Chris Leighton. Check them out in all their blue collar glory at 8 p.m. in Jazzbones.

5. Still Caves, out of Portland, shine with a kind of lo-fi exuberance that could only come from a bunch of friends goofing off and hitting a bunch of different effects pedals just to see what they can make. There's a ragged charm in their noise, which does little to hinder the giddy songwriting that goes on. Even with their ramshackle vibes, they make every effort to hit the nosebleed section. Triumphant guitars and cacophonous drums propel everything forward, with dreamy vocals awash in the sea of fuzz. It's anthemic rock in a microcosm, mixing elements of punk, garage psych, and winningly goofy indie rock. At 8 p.m. in The New Frontier Lounge, Still Caves will be joining some of the finest bands at work in the Pacific Northwest right now - the delirious bubblegum psych of Fruit Juice, and the swirling synth-rock of People Under the Sun.

LINK: Friday, Nov. 28 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 26 2014 >>>

1. You knew there was a reason to hold on to the Christmas-light-laden and obscenely geometric printed green-and-red sweater. You once thought even the one with reindeer had potential. Now it’s time to explore your closets because, ladies and gentlemen, the ugliest holiday sweater contest returns to Doyle’s Public House at 8 p.m. The ugly holiday sweater contest prizes will be shelled out for the best worst male, best worst female, best worst couple and best worst group. "The more crocheted reindeer, the better," says Doyle's co-owner Russ Heaton. Hey, it's better than hanging out with your relatives, right?

2. When it comes right down to it, few things in this world can top a freshly poured, frosty barley pop. We're referring to beer, of course, and it's way more than a delicious sexual stimulant/memory eraser - beautiful beer is an art form unto itself. In keeping with its tradition of promoting awareness and appreciation of this heavenly beverage, the ParkWay Tavern hosts "Honey, The Parkway Ruined Thanksgiving Once Again!" The Stadium District tavern will yank out their strong brews, aged winter beers, barleywines, Belgians and stouts beginning at 5 p.m. Your hand will shake like a sonofabitch as you gnaw off that turkey leg. 

3. Well, November is drawing to a close and with it the end of everyone's favorite excuse to grow facial hair, Movember. Over at The Social Bar and Grill they're going to be celebrating their first Movember Mustache Party beginning at 7 p.m. Mo Bros (the dudes who participated in this anti-cancer campaign) are encouraged to come in costume in honor of the fight against prostate cancer. For every drink purchased, The Social will donate $1 to cancer research. Not only do they have mustache themed drinks but they will also have a photo booth to capture your Thanksgiving Eve 2014 memories, a DJ and prize giveaways for those who receive the winning raffle tickets.

4. Imagine soulful music of yesterday being forcibly pumped out of Janis Joplin's larynx and then lathered with the silkiest velvet, and you've a pretty good idea of the kind of groove Kim Archer can make. Archer has a strong, emotional voice, a robust musical sense and a willingness to work outside the tightly proscribed boundaries of the genre. Tonight, Archer will rock The Hub Gig Harbor's annual Thanksgiving Eve party. Expect food and drink specials, with Kim jamming from 7-10 p.m.

5. There isn't a better way to spend Thanksgiving Eve than a Vicci Martinez show. Tacoma's Martinez became a household when she competed on NBC-TV's The Voice. At 8 p.m., she'll perform at her home away from home, Jazzbones. The night has two added bonuses. First, it's a release party for her second live performance release, Live From Jazzbones 2. Second, Mirrorgloss will take time off from recording to open the show, performing a bunch of new tunes.

LINK: Wednesday, Nov. 24 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area