WHAT I LOOK FOR, PART IV >>>

A professional theater critic should be the second critic to see the show, not the first, and he or she is much less important to the show's success or failure than the actual first critic: the director. Part of a director's job is to dissect his or her own show and find every last flaw, then correct it before anyone else ever sees it.

It's often said wise audience members wait till the last week of a show to see it, and that it's a shame theatre critics can't do the same. Horseshit. I can only review the show you show me, and every show should be 100 percent ready on opening night. That audience pays the same ticket price as any that follows. The problem with the old saw about "theatre magic" salvaging a show from chaos at the last possible second is it works, but only so well. Yes, actors' desperation to avoid public humiliation can slap leaky patches on a broken show, but imagine how much better that show would've been if it were sufficiently rehearsed. Determined acting can't fix incompetent directing, nor is it an actor's job to even try.

Other elements I enjoy in a show:

Guts, by which I mean courage; but a few steaming piles of viscera never hurt a good Jacobean slaughterfest either. Onstage nudity is incredibly brave, of course, but so is looking old or unattractive.

Poetry, delivered clearly and beautifully.

Lockstep platoons of chorus dancers.

Water effects--the refraction off a "swimming pool" surface, the skillful deployment of spinning gobos to simulate rainfall, the Tempest.

Credible child actors.

Choreographed swordfights and derring-do generally.

Actors who "cover" technical mishaps without missing a beat.

Sexy classics. It's incredibly difficult to make Shakespeare sexy, but Kenneth Branagh managed with Much Ado About Nothing. So can you.

Range. I cannot emphasize this enough. Olympia loves to stereotype its actors, and I understand why. It's easier and safer. But nothing makes me love an actor more than a brand-new, believable character. If, on the other hand, I get "sassy!" from certain actors one more time I will weep openly.

Stage kissing that looks like actual kissing. In a Meisner show, it should be actual kissing.

Urgency. Something in the story has to matter to its characters-both deeply and now.

Vulnerability. No human being is bulletproof, physically or emotionally.

What Brecht called "character gestus," a physical choice that reveals personality, motivation, and background.

Variations in tempo, adroitly orchestrated to heighten tension and impact.

Originality.

Wit.

The perfection of artful moments.

Creative spectacle.

And above all: Passion. Passion. PASSION! Without that, there's always something better on TV.

PREVIOUS "WHAT I LOOK FOR" POSTS

LINK: Script is king

LINK: Before the show

LINK: On with the show

WHAT I LOOK FOR, PART III >>>

When I watch a play, I take in all the same elements you do - set, costumes, lighting, music, dancing, movement, acting, writing and so on - but I also look deeper. As I said before, I watch for focused creativity and unity, meaning consistency of setting and tone. Here's how those two elements play into the body of a show:

Do the director's choices amplify or detract from the show? Directors are the last members added to the theatrical team, but they can elevate a quality script to an unforgettable experience. Imaginative staging turns lunch money into spectacle. Is every scene played "on the nose," or has it occurred to the cast that some characters may be lying? Is the lighting purely literal? How about the music? Were the only surprises in the show written by the playwright, or did this troupe come up with ways to keep us mentally engaged during quiet moments?

Do all the characters look and act as if they belong in the same play? Is the acting or performance style reasonably consistent from actor to actor? (It'd be weird, for example, if only one member of a Molière cast rapped.) Does the director understand the world of the play, and has he or she helped us absorb it? Do the details make sense? Props are a dead giveaway. (Next time you attend a production of Macbeth, for example, keep an eye on the banquet scene. Table forks weren't used in Scotland until five hundred years after the time of the play.) Do the characters seem comfortable in their costumes? Are those costumes accurate? (Here's another example: Cleopatra VII seldom wore Egyptian clothing. She was Greek and preferred Hellenic togas for all but ceremonial occasions.) Does each background character have a plausible function in his or her fictional world?

With regard to acting, I'm a Meisner guy - I was trained in the largely reactive technique popularized by director and acting teacher Sanford Meisner - so I'd rather watch actors interact with each other than pose for the audience. "Heroic" and "fabulous" bore me. Mugging annoys me. Does each actor understand what he or she is saying? Are they racing through Elizabethan meter in some horrendously misguided attempt to shorten one of Shakespeare's plays, thereby rendering it incomprehensible? Is he or she droning Sophoclean dialogue because some academic scholar said that's the way Oedipus Tyrranus was performed 2,500 years ago? (It probably wasn't, by the way.) Do the lovers have sexual and romantic chemistry? Is the villain inexplicably melodramatic? No one, not even a truly evil person, actually says, "Bwahaha." I've never seen it happen in 42 years, and neither have you. There is such a thing as reality, even in a thriller.

LINK: What I Look For, Part II

LINK: What I Look For, Part I

SUNDAY, DEC. 26, 2010 >>>

1. We should all pay more attention to train enthusiasts. No, listen, stop laughing. They embody both the history (choo-choo trains, cow catchers, waving handkerchiefs from the platform) and the future (mass transit, commuter rails, park and ride) of transportation.  Further study of their beliefs and practices is encouraged - try, for example the Model Train Festival, the Washington State History Museum's salute to the tracks and equipment from the Great Northern, Northern Pacific and Union Pacific railroads from the 1950s. There they (and you, should you follow our advice) will experience the museum's permanent HO-scale layout, the largest permanent train layout in this state, and the talent of eight model train clubs from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

2. If you've seen A Stardust show before, you know what to expect: a jukebox musical strung around 1940s crooner classics. Think Forever Plaid minus a decade of musical evolution, or a live version of The Lawrence Welk Holiday Special. We're a fan of several members of the cast, director Linda Whitney, and Harlequin's jazz combo, but not so much of Stardust's unthreatening musical vernacular. But even I dug "Little Jack Frost Get Lost," "Everybody Eats When They Come to My House," "Boogie Woogie Santa Claus" and a lovely arrangement (by Syd Potter) of "Angels We Have Heard on High," featuring high harmony by Alison Monda. Harlequin Productions stages the show at 2 p.m. Read our full review of the show here.

3. It's the day after Christmas (finally, finally, finally).  Having exhausted all financial resources barring the sale of various vital organs or offspring, you drive the streets, dejected, unsure of what to do now.  You venture into Spanaway, and you see stars - white stars, red stars, blue stars, in fact all sorts of colored lights. It's Peace on Earth. Your mouth forms a wondrous "Oh." You reach out for your loved one's hand. He/she slaps it and tells you to stop being so sarcastic.  The light seems to be coming from Spanaway Park.  Yes, you're sure of it.  Well, God bless us, everyone, it's Fantasy Lights.  From 5:30-9 p.m. the whole park is one big ol' jolly drive-through light display, animated mind you.  The windows fog up.  There goes your hand again. OK, we have to stop there.

4. For eight freakin' years in a row - never wavering - the Randy Oxford Band has encouraged (hell, inspired!) you to get out of the goddamn house the night after Christmas and shake some of the tinsel and stuffing off. It's known as the "Tis the Night After Christmas Get Out of the House Party."  And although that's a fairly wordy title, the gist is pretty simple - the South Sound's mad horn-blower and his gang of bluesy merrymakers tear the house down (in this case, Jazzbones - and not literally) while you shake whatever it is you have to shake on the dance floor. In short order, and without fail, good times are had by all. This year, if you don't get that fancy new tech gadget or expensive perfume you're hoping for, at least you'll know the Randy Oxford Band will always be there for you on the day after Christmas, from 7-10 p.m. Also, you should stop being so materialistic. ...

5. Tonight at The New Frontier Lounge, veteran local hardcore trio Cody Foster Army will be playing one of their "disarmed" acoustic sets. The early show (starts at 7 p.m.) also includes Looking for Lizards and Rich Bundy, and has a post-holiday wallet-sparing two-for-one entry policy. We caught up with CFA mastermind Cody Foster to find out more about the gig, and his band's plans for the New Year. Read the interview here.

LINK: More art and entertainment events in the South Sound

FRIDAY, DEC. 24, 2010 >>>

1. Christmas Eve is typically reserved for plenty of things - baking cookies for Santa, wrapping last minute gifts, sitting alone drinking the pain away - but there's nothing that says seeing Kim Archer at the Hub can't be on that list. With a timeless vocal delivery only matched by her engaging stage presence, Kim Archer and her band have been pleasing live music fans in our area since 2004. Show some Christmas love tonight at 9:30 p.m. to one of the hardest working performers currently making the rounds in T-town.

2. Artist Monika Proffitt's Forest of Souls has constructed an underwater, fiber-optic light sculpture that illuminates the cascading pools at Tollefson Plaza, as part of Spaceworks Tacoma.

3. Big Brother is watching. He peers out from the walls of Fulcrum Gallery. In this instance "Big Brother" is the brother of artist Nicki Sucec, whose show at Fulcrum is a homage to her brother and a testament to the variety and creativity that can be unleashed by taking a single image or idea and pushing it to the limit. Sucec's show, Shuffle, is on display from noon to 6 p.m. at Fulcrum. Read our review of this show here.

4. If you didn't get all the holiday adrenaline out of your system fighting for your life during the holiday shopping season, lace some jingle bells into your sneakers and make a run for it today at the Just For Fun, Jingle Bell Run at 1 p.m. in Wright Park. The 5k run or walk costs $10 to participate. Bring non-perishable food for the food bank or old running shoes for the mission. The first male/female finishers will win shoes from South Sound Running.

5. Comedian W. C. Fields once quipped, "Never work with animals or children." Fortunately, Tacoma Little Theatre ignored his admonishment and stages Annie at 2 p.m. TLT not only chose a classic story, they put together a cast that is great to watch. This cast is so good, in fact, they received a standing ovation on opening night. Read our full review of the show here.

(6. Donald Glause is spinning tonight at the Gruv Lounge and Nightclub. We're not suppose to advertise this, but to hell with that.)

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

THURSDAY, DEC. 23, 2010 >>

1. Tacoma's new burlesque troupe Gritty City Sirens will make its debut performance at at 9 p.m. inside The Swiss Dec. 23. Ava D'Jor, Tizzy Van Tassel, Rosie Cheexx, Funny Face Fanny and Polly Puckerup will offer "a night of glitz, glamor, humor and plenty of T&A!" says Van Tassel. Read our special burlesque report here.

2. John Fisher's prints are terrific. The colors and shapes are electric. They are photographs, but he calls them and the show Algorithmic Drawings. The photos are of industrial scenes with streaks and bursts of light created by long exposures of moving lights and perhaps other techniques. The photos were all taken in Seattle and Tacoma. Alec Clayton reviewed the show here. Check it out from noon to 5 p.m. at Mineral gallery in Tacoma.

3. You're sick and tired of driving through the neighborhood looking at the homes of people who think they deserve an award for their light displays. You deserve to take a night to go see ZooLights, which is lit from 5-9 p.m. tonight. Billed as the region's biggest walk-through light show, ZooLights at Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium includes animated light sculptures, live entertainment, snacks, animal encounters, and the Paul Titus Carousel. While enjoying your stroll, be thankful you're not in charge of this holiday light display.

4. Dream of line dancing the Chasse, the Grapevine or the Weave? Or, do you have high hopes of being swept off the dance floor by that special someone? Big Whisky Saloon offers beginner and intermediate dance lessons every Thursday Night starting at 7:30 p.m. $5 gets you a drink and a lesson. Who knows, you might be paired with a cutie-pie.

5. The holidays are traditionally a time for giving back, and in that spirit, Hell's Kitchen is hosting their annual "Customer Appreciation Night." Beleaguered, cash-strapped attendees will be pleased to hear that admission tonight will be free, food will be free and drinks will be sold at preposterously low prices - $3 for well drinks and beers. (Ho, ho, ho.) Live music will include I Defy, Neutralboy, South 11th, Psycho 78 and Klondike Kate beginning at 8 p.m.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Happy hour!

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 22, 2010 >>>

1. The Coen Brothers adapted yet another classic western - Charles Portis' dark comedy True Grit - in which a young girl teams up with two weird-ass lawmen to avenge her father's murder in the Wild West. The film screens at 2:10, 4:35, 7 and 9:25 at The Grand Cinema.

2. The Nutcracker - with its sugarplum fairies, dancing snowflakes, and magical toys - is a holiday tradition for many families. But most kids can't fully appreciate the whimsical ballet set to Tchaikovsky's score - they're too stuck on the name. Years ago, when a friend's mother announced that she wanted to take a group of us to experience the timeless work, we fell into peals of laughter as soon as she was out of earshot: "The Nutcracker! We 'bout to see somebody's nuts get cracked! NUTS!" The silliness died down in the weeks before the performance, and when the curtain rose, we were captivated - eyes wide and glassy, mouths gaping. But it wasn't the ballet that had us transfixed - it was the constricting tights on the male dancers. "Hey," whispered a friend sitting next to us. "I guess we know now why they really call it The Nutcracker!" Create your own memories at 1 and 5 p.m. when the Tacoma City Ballet stages its version inside the Pantages Theater.

3. Comedian W. C. Fields once quipped, "Never work with animals or children." Fortunately, Tacoma Little Theatre ignored his admonishment and stages Annie at 2 p.m. TLT not only chose a classic story, they put together a cast that is great to watch. This cast is so good, in fact, they received a standing ovation on opening night. Read our full review of the show here.

4. Chances are you've now suffered through the dreaded office holiday party - unless your company is so parsimonious that the party isn't happening. Either way, please accept our sympathies. These company soirees force you to mingle with the same jejune folks you see every day while pawing a plate of thawed shrimp and sipping watered-down martinis. Bored if you do, damned if you don't. Reward yourself tonight with a real party, rockabilly fans. The Baxters - formerly The Dempseys - will fill Jazzbones at 7:30 p.m. with bass fiddle stunts, instrument swapping, a flaming trumpet with enough a good-humored repertoire to pull us away from the bar (ha ha ha, good one). 

5. Geeks Who Drink pub quiz at 8:30 p.m. inside the Ram Restaurant and Brewery on Ruston Way consists of eight rounds of eight questions and is played in teams of up to six people. Questions are read aloud by the quizmaster; teams write their answers on provided sheets and turn them in at the end of each round. The team with the most points after eight rounds is the winner. Oh, and there's drinking involved, too.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Spew RSS feed

TUESDAY, DEC. 21, 2010 >>>

1. Other, non-North American English-speaking countries know the film of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by an alternate title: The Worst Kids In The World. That should tell you about the quality of the characters in question, and the odds that the title will actually come true. The Herdman clan will be on hand at 7:30 p.m. inside the Lakewood Playhouse to teach you all about the true spirit of Christmas by lying, cheating, stealing, smoking and other wholesome endeavors. It's a feel-good season of joy for everyone. Or something.

2. Alaskan Brewing Co. will host the Reindeer Games at the Varsity Grill from 5:30-7:30 p.m. Games will include pigskin toss, reindeer races, and ladder golf. Prizes include Seahawks tickets, Varsity Grill gift cards, beer swag or even a chance to win a trip to Valdez, Alaska to hang with pro snowboarders. Varsity Grill will be serving $3 Alaska pints and $8 Alaskan beer-battered fish and chips. No, really.

3. Celtic band Mooncoyne will perform at the Mandolin Cafe as part of the $25 a head Winter Solstice Celebration. There's lasagna people!

4. University of Puget Sound and Click! Cable TV are teaming up to screen Elf at 7 p.m. inside the University of Puget Sound's Memorial Fieldhouse. Concessions will be available, including hot dogs, popcorn, beverages, and candy (no syrup - we checked natch!). Afterward, let's all get together and make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands.

5. Puget Sound Revels has been, well, reveling since way back in 1992 - though it feels like much longer than that, doesn't it? It ALMOST feels like the group has been doing its thing since the 19th century, which just so happens to be the era they'll embody at 7:30 p.m. as part of this year's annual Christmas Revels at the Rialto Theater  - billed as a 19th century English celebration, and "a joyous and timeless celebration for all ages."

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Subscribe to our weekly e-newsletter (hug)

WHAT I LOOK FOR, PART II >>>

Here are more ways for you, the theater director, to impress the hopeful critic-me, and your paying customers.

There's so much amazing live and recorded entertainment in the South Sound that it's wasteful to pass up any possible method of connecting with your audience...which brings us to your pre-show experience. So many theaters squander the impact of imaginative lobby and program designs. Why waste that opportunity? Spray a fragrance that'll ease your patrons into the world of the show. Choose music that conveys a mood or thematic idea.

The first thing I do when I enter a theater proper is look at the set. I watch how it's revealed. Is it visible immediately, or have you saved it as a surprise? Do I feel comfortable in the theater? If not, is it because you decided to disorient me in some way to amplify location or theme? Bertolt Brecht, for example, would rather audience members were thinking than relaxing. Of course, I'd rather not be shivering, but I suppose it might serve some artistic purpose. Just make sure you had out cocoa at the intermission. There's not a critic (or audience member) alive who isn't mollified by free food and drink.

I read the entire program, starting with the Director's Note. I want to know what you, the director, think your show is about, and I watch to see how well you convey that idea.

Ah, the dreaded curtain speech. Man, I hate 'em. I'll just tell you that up front. You've done all this work to seduce me into the world of your show, then you yank off your carefully-chosen music and panhandle in contemporary clothing. I know theaters need money, now more than ever, but couldn't you at least devise a more creative way of asking for it? I love it when a director integrates curtain speeches into the environment of the show itself. Is there some reason your curtain speech couldn't be rephrased in, say, iambic pentameter? Could it be sung? Included in onstage graffiti? I'm just spitballing here, but if you haven't noticed by now, two of the chief things I look for in a show are focused creativity and consistency of setting and tone-what theater snobs call "unity." Y'know how some movies put the opening studio titles in a graphic style that resonates with the rest of the film? Yeah, I'm a sucker for that. Open your show in a way that lures me in, and you stand an exceptional chance of keeping me right where you want me...in the world you've helped create for two hours.

LINK: Script is king

FRIDAY, DEC. 17, 2010 >>>

1. Oly's The Hard Way will celebrate the release of the band's new record, Tell Me When You Can't Breathe, tonight at McCoy's Tavern. The Volcano's Nikki Talotta says it'll be awesome - and we tend to believe her.

2. Handel's Messiah returns to Tacoma via the Tacoma Symphony Orchestra tonight inside the Pantages Theater. With guests like conductor Geoffrey Boers, soprano Denise Lees and the entire Tacoma Symphony Chorus (among others), this seasonal favorite seems sure to hit the mark. A "new slate of soloists" is promised ... only upping the excitement factor.

3. Check out Olympia Family Theater's take on Little Women tonight at the Washington Center for the Performing Arts. It comes recommended.

4. The Viceroy Art Gallery hosts a Rad Santa Party beginning at 8 p.m. featuring live music from The Rotten Wreaths (Dana Turner of Green Apple Quick Step, 3DS&M and John Sackett of The Stinky Pinkys) and music by DJ Johnny Falcon.

5. We don't make this stuff up - we just report it. Here's what they're saying about the Bikini Model Show Tryouts tonight at Gruv Lounge in Tacoma: "What Happens Under the Mistletoe, Stays Under the Mistletoe"! Models wearing glittery bikini's, Showcase Bikini line by Private Designer, with Dj Omar Mashups, photographers and videographers. To be added to the list, Text names to (253) 241-3229."

LINK: Movies open today

LINK: Concert go on sale today

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

THOUGHTS FROM THE VOLCANO'S THEATER CRITIC >>>

I've heard people say casting is half of directing, but if that's true, then play selection is the other two-thirds. (I may have forgotten to carry a one somewhere.) When I critique a script, I'm looking at a wide variety of considerations, the foremost being: Does it provoke a physical response? Specifically, do the jokes make me laugh--not think, "Oh, that's witty," but actually laugh? Do the dramatic scenes boost my heart rate? Do the tragic scenes make my cry? I'm an easy laugh and an easy cry, so if those don't work the show has a real problem. Generally speaking, a show that produces a physical response other than revulsion will be a financial and popular success. As for musicals, if there's only one memorable song in the show, then I would argue there are half a dozen too few. Why? Count the great songs in The Little Mermaid or Chess or Avenue Q or the average jukebox musical. They're your competition.

Now. Who's your audience? If you direct one of the old warhorses, Our Town for example, are you appealing to the nostalgia of a generation that doesn't exist anymore? Those people are dead. Before a contemporary audience can make any sense of Dial M for Murder, you first have to explain what "dial M" means, then maybe what "dial" means. (I guess nowadays it'd be called Text OMFG! for Identity Theft.) Even the plot of a movie like Die Hard makes no sense in the era of cell phones, and much of the world's population grew up after the advent of cell phone technology. The folks who have a sentimental attachment to plays up through about 1970 are not the future of the art form. I realize they're the patron base of a lot of theaters, but catering to them makes sense only in the short term. Talented people are still writing plays rather than movies or TV: Yasmina Reza, Rebecca Gilman, John Patrick Shanley, Martin McDonagh. Read new material. The stuff you liked back in college, even the material that drew you into theater in the first place, was written for that time and audience. It probably hasn't aged as well as you have. But if you're still married to a revival of twentieth-century drama, at least give us program notes to explain what it means to audience members who grew up after it was current.

If you're reviving material written prior to 1900, on the other hand, material like Shakespeare or Rostand, then it's safe to assume it's survived because there's something universal about it. Directors: Do not automatically assume you have to translate the Bard into some other time and space. Shakespeare was not a historian. Ancient Rome didn't have tolling clocks, Illyria doesn't resemble the country in Twelfth Night, and ninth-century Danish Prince Amleth (i.e., Hamlet) never existed. Shakespeare created his own playgrounds--they're already mythical--so moving those stories is a bit like transporting The Hobbit to New Hampshire. What's the point? If the argument in favor of the move is simply, "It'll make costuming cheaper," that's not good enough. Changes to the text should amplify it rather than stand in its way. If you really want to set a drama with pretty language in Las Vegas, Nevada, write one. Don't twist and mutilate Titus Andronicus in hopes of making it fit.

(Of course, every time I gripe about the automatic transportation of Shakespeare, someone comes along and does it perfectly--witness Harlequin's Taming of the Shrew. Thanks a pantsload, Scot Whitney.)

If you're still desperate to try your hand at the creative exercise of moving a text, does it have to be Shakespeare or Greek? Use your imagination. What about Volpone in the Mafia? The Odd Couple in a lunar module? Brigadoon in a Sid & Marty Krofft style puppet orgy? Those are clearly godawful ideas, but at least they have, as Captain Kirk would say, "the virtue of having never been tried before."

Okay, enough about the text. You've chosen your playground; now lie in it. Study it thoroughly. Know where all the beats are. Know which plot developments are surprises and how to make them "land," meaning how to use them to create that physical response you're seeking. Live entertainment is about physical response. It's about cheering our heroes and booing the villains. Give a damn about your characters. Make them people, not job descriptions or vocal ranges! Not every show needs to be as emotionally gripping as Rabbit Hole, but hey, it sure couldn't hurt.