It’s been two years since teetotaler Tacomans had something to do on New Year’s Eve. Well this year, dry or sauced, there will be more than enough for everybody thanks to the return of First Night, which is back full force to celebrate the arrival of 2008. If you’re into rock and roll, they’ve got it. If you’re into polka, they’ve got that too. Canadian folk fans are covered, as are dancehall and reggae devotees. They’ve even packed in some hip-hop, performing pigs and a New Year’s fashion blowout at Junior Bizarre. Not at the same time, unfortunately. 

Yes, First Night Tacoma-Pierce County is back, and promises to be bigger, better and more piratey than ever (piratey is a word. Look it up). Debt-free and ready to roll, the resurrection of Tacoma’s annual, non-alcoholic, arts-enriched, sumptuous, family-friendly New Year celebration is alive.

To help prepare your for the pirate-themed night, here’s how to talk like a pirate, courtesy of Cap’n Rummy:

1. Take all words with “r” in ’em and stretch out the sound. So “word” becomes “worrrrrrrrd”, “scurvy” becomes “scurrrrrrrrvy” and “Swarner” becomes “Swarrrnerrrr”.

2. Don’t be sayin’ “you.” Say “ye” or “yer.” Don’t be sayin’ “for.” Be sayin’ “fer.” Don’t be sayin’ “to,” be sayin’ “ter.” For example, “Ye goin’ wit us ter the Matadorrrrr fer some shots of Patrrrron?”

3. “Gs” at the end of verbs be the mortal enemies of Pirates. “Pirating” should be a-spoken as “piratin’”; “drinking” becomes “drinkin’”; and “falling face down in the flipping gutter” becomes “fallin’ face down in the flippin’ gutter.”

4. Use the word "be" a lot. As in “I be off to the Instrument pettin’ zoo at SOTA.” or “I hear there be a Hurdy Gurdy show later.”

5. If you run out of thins to say, or if yer too smashed to complete a sentence, just say “Arrrr!” â€" Paul Schrag