The Hellbound Homewreckers of the Dockyard Derby Dames have found their answer to what can be the mundane ways of housewivedom. They’ve found it in skating. Hardcore, roller derby, knock ‘em down skating, that is. As disgruntled housewives, these “ladies” (and I use the term “ladies” very loosely) don the 1950s domestic womanly apparel. With small kitchen appliances as their weapons, all I’m gonna say is you better run when you see one of these mamas coming at you.

Last year they lost one of the best roller derby coaches to the call of marriage and entrepreneurship. He was Big ’n’ Tasty, aka Chris Trashcan. This year they’re rolling in with an equally awesome coach, Barry Maneltoe. Maneltoe has been keeping the Homewreckers hard at work for this upcoming 2008 season, which begins Feb 24 at the Skate ’n’ Station.

I spoke with Marcel duStomp, the HW co-captain, and she has given me the heads-up on whom everyone needs to watch out for this season:

Deutsch Bomb â€" The Iron Curtain of blockers.

Pink Tattilac â€" Although she’s one of the newer recruits, she’s proven her dedication and strength. Only two weeks in of her derby career she broke her collarbone, but now she’s back in full angry force. Keep your eyes on this new meat.

Cookies and MILF â€" Whoa baby, this one is hot. And I mean that in every way. Hold on to your husbands and don’t blink. This girl is a trained speed skater and quite possibly the best jammer in the region.

The Homewrecker message to the other three Dockyard teams: They’ve re-vamped the greatness they’ve always had, so watch out. They’re back and better than ever. â€" Steph DeRosa