STEPH DEROSA: THREATENING PUNKASS KIDS >>>

It was in Olympia that I found the coolest of the cool kid bathrooms. Wind Up Here, located downtown on Fifth Avenue, has a room that houses a toilet, and reminds me of my very first acid trip. Dr. Seuss everywhere! Purple molding! A room long and narrow! I was expecting Knights in White Satin to begin playing through the speakers. While I flashbacked to New Year's Eve 1986, I thought of my teenage rebellion and drug experimentation. Then I thought of my sweet daughter: will she be a naughty teenager like I was? Will she lie to me? Will she defy authority? Oh shit, of course she will, she's my daughter. I'm so screwed.

I recently came across a Stadium High School teenager with nothing but defiance and attitude streaming hot through his blood. I consider him brave, yet stupid, seeing as how he attempted to release some teenage angst onto me as I was passing him by. I would only hope it would scare him straight:

First off, let it be known that Steph DeRosa is a fan of Bikram Yoga, aka hot yoga.It takes place in a room in which temperature exceeds 100 degrees. Needless to say, I am going to be smart and dress very light for the four gallons of water I'm about to sweat out thus wearing shorts. So what if it's 40 degrees outside? I've got my little yoga shorts on as I drop my daughter off at preschool and head to Bikram Yoga.

On the morning of the incident, I had prepared myself to engage in my usual Bikram Yoga ritual, so I was wearing my sweat-ready shorts on a blistery 45 degree morning and had my hair in some stylin pigtails. Though somehow after dropping my daughter off, I was convinced to skip yoga and join my friends for coffee talk at the Stadium District Tully's.

After we had our gossip time, and a warm fill of coffee, it was time to pick the kids up from preschool. Apparently Stadium High School had let out early that day, because the swarm of kids outside was reminiscent of a New Orlean's Mardi Gras parade. As I headed to my car, I passed by a group of teenage boys who took it upon themselves to make fun of my yoga-shorts-wearing- ass. They had a few choice words for me, and at first I ignored them and kept on walking. You know, what the mature person would do, right? Then it hit me. As they continued to heckle, I had begun to have enough. I turned and headed right back to them.

As I approached the boys, I got right up on them, nose-to-nose, and asked them to say it again¬" this time to my face.Huh? What? Lady, you're crazy!¬" they couldn't do it. Yeah, they thought they were tough as I was walking away. But say it to my face? They didn't have the balls.

The hoodrats started to walk away, but I wouldn't let them. It was payback time. I followed them, and heckled right back:Hey, look at you in your baggy pants¦ look at you walkin like you took a big dump in your pants you punk ass kid. Yeah walk away, go run to mommy. How does it feel, huh? You're not so tough now, are you?That's when I heard one of them say to the other,You're not going to tell mom, are you?Then they ran. As they ran, they called me names, but I just yelled back. I let them know that they'd be cleaning my pool one day. That is, if it was even feasible to own a pool in the Pacific Northwest, but you get my point.

OK, so I had my immature moment, and I have no regrets. I hope I scared the punks at least a little. I did it for my daughter's future, I did it for all yoga shorts wearing women, and I did it for any person walking down the street who is about to pass by a group of teenagers. Be not afraid to stick up for yourself! Down with yoga shorts heckling!