MATT DRISCOLL: ISN'T AS FUNNY AS SEAN CULVER >>>

If 30-year-old bearded dudes who live with their mom and have MySpace profiles that liken themselves to communist revolutionaries could achieve iconic status in Tacoma, www.myspace.com/culverfuckyeah ">Sean Culver would be a legend. In my book, he should be.

A Puyallup High School graduate, former student body president at Pierce College, devoted fan of the Seattle Seahawks and Ultimate Fighting, and a man with a beautiful head of hair, Sean Culver also earns a paycheck these days from Jazzbones. What he does is somewhat unclear, suffice to say it involves effeminately answering phones and promoting Ha Ha Tuesdays â€" Jazzbones’ weekly comedy show.

Tomorrow, local boy done good www.myspace.com/sickasscomic ">Jason Stewart, along with www.myspace.com/seanrouse ">Sean Rouse of the Dave Attell Insomniac Tour and www.myspace.com/andrewandrist ">Andy Andrist of the Man Show fame, will be at Jazzbones soliciting laughter. Culver wanted to talk about it.

Here’s what he had to say to the Weekly Volcano:

WEEKLY VOLCANO: Why should people get off their ass and miss out on a Tuesday night worth of crap TV to see the comedy show at Jazzbones?
SEAN CULVER: This is a chance to see three great comics who might be dead soon. It's like knowing that Mitch Hedberg and Bill Hicks were gonna pass and then purposely going to see their shows. This isn't called the Face Down Dead in Our Vomit Comedy Tour for nothing. And they are all legit comics. Stewart is super funny and on the Howard Stern Show. Rousse if freakin' hilarious. He's so good that Attell hand picked him to be on his Insomniac Tour. Andrist is poop your pants funny. He wrote for both the Man Show and the Daily Show. It's a chance to see three great headliners all together. Their all funny and their all mad men. Everyone will have a great time. Somebody will vomit, somebody will get naked and somebody will be crying in a corner. It could be one of the comics but it most likely will be me.

VOLCANO: As a communist, is promoting comedy shows hard? I thought communists didn't have senses of humor?
CULVER: Well, first off I'm a democratic socialist. And we laugh like mother fuckers! Lawdy! Get enough victory gin in one of us and it's laughapalooza.

VOLACO: Who's the sexiest communist of all time?
CULVER: Well, she's more of a socialist, but I would have to say Angela Davis. Strong intelligent black womyn always get me.

VOLCANO: How has your stint as Pierce College student body president prepared you for your role as, um, a 30-year-old guy who lives with his mom and is equal parts Buddha and Che?
CULVER: It's been a bit tough, to be honest, Matthew. I mean, after such an important gig I really thought I was going some where. After all, I did get 80 percent of the vote running unopposed. I still think I have a shot to run for the presidency in 2012, though. After listening to Hillary and her surrogates I know that since I'm not a female running for office there are really no standards. I can give a pretty good speech too. Culver in 2012? Sounds pretty good to me.

VOLCANO: What's your mom's favorite TV show?
CULVER: She really likes Boston Legal. She also likes that BBC show that had Dame Judi Dench in it. Some BS PBS thing. And she digs Torchwood. Although the main characters bi-sexuality freaks her out, she thinks he has a cute smile.

VOLCANO: Speaking of 30, how's it treating you? Are you surprised you're not dead yet?
CULVER: I will live forever, Matthew. Well, at least long enough to burn all my bridges and die alone and in a cave. But that’s when my art will come. As far as being 30 goes, it aint so bad. I'm still in decent enough shape that I was able to dive out of the way of being hit by a car at the cross walk by House of Tattoo. And I didn’t break a hip! I mean, 19 year olds are getting a little more freaked when I ogle them, but there are also a lot of chicks out there with daddy complexes. I have one friend, she's 22 and totally into a 37 year old. Crazy. So it's not really that bad.

VOLCANO: What should the Seahawks do with Shauna Alexander? Would you ever consider getting him a job at Jazzbones if the football thing is over for him?
CULVER: Yeah, the Hawks are gonna cut him. I don't think that he would work at Jazzbones though. Jesus would be very mad at him. Did you know that he was a virgin when he got married? Yeah, Jesus would not be happy with him working at a den of sin like the Boneyard. Maybe he could work the door at Club Impact?

VOLCANO: As a big UFC fan, out of the three remaining presidential hopefuls, who do you think would fare best in the octagon?
CULVER: Clearly Barrack Obama. McCain is a tough old guy, but has very limited use of his arms due to the, you know, um, torture he went through. I don't like McCain, but I'm really not trying to make a torture joke. Just speaking the truth. Hillary would have rawked in the old UFC when crotch shots were legal, because you know that she's a demasculating bitch. At least that's her rap. But these days you can't deliver a low blow. So Obama is the youngest, has working limbs and would definitely have a reach advantage.

VOLCANO: If people are on the fence, trying to decide whether to show up at Jazzbones on Tuesday, sell them on it in one sentence:
CULVER: Three hilarious all star comics who might die soon of alcohol poising or of a heart attack.

VOLCANO That’s not a sentence.
CULVER: Viva revolution.