STEPH DEROSA: NO BAR EXAM THIS WEEK. DEAL WITH IT >>>

If it weren’t for all of Matt Driscoll’s alleged drug arrests, I would be the naughtiest of all current Weekly Volcano staff members.  And by “naughtiest” I mean, most alcoholic.

Which is why I, Steph DeRosa, write a column about dive bars called: Bar Exam.

With this whole extra hour of daylight I’ve had this past week, my mind has become extremely fucked up.  I’ve had too much time to think.  I mean, like, a whole extra hour.  For some reason during this hour, I’ve been contemplating my health, my existence, and most importantly â€" my present haircut.

Here are my thoughts:

Ginger Knoxx was supposed to be back in the Volcano-game recently, reporting on her extra-curricular bar activities, but even she has decided to become a mature adult and focus on a “real job.”  For this I can only commend her and hope she’ll still tag along every once in a while for some drink-slingin’ action.  Hell, even Carmen Jones was smart enough to stop writing her column and go back to school for her master's.  But don’t think for a split second that she wasn’t with me at the last few dives I visited.  She loves the afternoon buzz as much as I do, no doubt.

This week, I’ve decided to follow the examples of my fellow Weekly Volcano scribes (and very good friends), Carmen and Ginger, and take some time off from the life of an alcoholic socialite. After this week’s election parties, my liver thanks me to no end.

Next week I promise you, my dear seven readers, that I will be back in action.  In the meantime, relish in this old school Jim Breuer comedy bit about alcohol. 

Editor's note: As long as Steph DeRosa continues to reference my alleged drug arrests, I'll continue to post that picture of her making love to a fan. - Matt Driscoll