CHRISTOPHER WOOD: THE GRAND CINEMA’S OSCAR PARTY >>>

Unlike Ron Burgundy, I am NOT a big deal. Though I somewhat fancy myself as a filmmaker, I must regretfully report that I had no hand whatsoever in the making of any film up for an Academy Award this year. Thus you will not see me on television this Sunday rubbing elbows with the likes of Danny Boyle and Kate Winslet. Shocking, I know.

The Grand Cinema’s Oscar soiree should help me get over my artistic anonymity. If, like me, you lack the clout to muscle your way into Hollywood’s Kodak Theatre, the Rialto can accommodate your wish to see all those shiny movie stars up close.

“It’s the biggest night in film, come celebrate it with … the best movie house in Tacoma,” proclaims Rachel Marecle, director of community development for the Grand. Serving as head organizer for Sunday’s event she urges readers to “bring your party to ours.”

And what a party. For $17 ($14 for Grand members), attendees receive dinner, dessert, and several chances to win raffle prizes throughout the evening. For those who treat Oscar night as another Halloween and feel an unexplainable urge to dress as Mickey Rourke’s wrestler, or even your favorite cinematographer (mine is Claudio Miranda!), the Grand promises a $100 El Gaucho certificate for best costume.

Suggestion: Can someone out there please show up as an elderly man who grows younger as the evening progresses? Sweet.

Even sweeter: By correctly guessing the most Oscar winners, you can win your own little slice o’ gold â€" the coveted Golden Ticket, which allows the bearer free movies at the Grand for an entire year. Move over Wonka, and take your unholy everlasting gobstopper with ye; I only crave a lifetime supply of art cinema.

So, will voters shower Slumdog with statuettes? Will Marisa Tomei’s breasts finally receive the accolades they deserve? Could Meryl Streep BE any more talented? (Seriously, she’s a freak.) Find out at the Rialto.  

[Rialto Theater, Sunday, Feb. 22, 5 p.m., $14-$17, 310 S. Ninth, Tacoma, 253.572.6062]

LINK: See a film today