RON SWARNER: THE BAR IS YOUR FRIEND >>>

Sea Grill has an impressive dining room: visible from all corners is the piece d résistance, a circular 30-seat bar that glows a transcendent ocean blue, an eye-catcher from the 15th Street off ramp below. Blues and teals rule, surrounding the 110-seat main dining room. A wave of bubble-pattern carpet rolls from green in the main room to blue in the bar. Reverse “artichoke” copper chandeliers grab all eyes. Jacketed waiters add to the flair, with style.

Want to enjoy this entire splendor on the cheap?

Here’s what you do: Burst through the doors like you own the place and head to the back bar. Don’t worry about reservations, just look halfway presentable. Grab a stool at the sexy, circular bar. Glance up to the game on the flat screen if you wish. Order a beverage from the bartender, if you’d like. Ask for The Fab Five bar menu. Give the bartender one of those cool hand shooters motions with a wink. Pretend you are not shocked that all five items are only $5. Order all five.

First, dig into the Sea Grill Truffle Fries. Enjoy their crispy, salty meatiness; you will be coming back to them many, many times.

Next, plunge your fork into the rock shrimp cocktail. Examine the shrimp. Not those tiny pussy shrimp you’re use to, huh sport? Nope, these babies are plump, resting on a spicy; I mean spicy cocktail sauce with lettuce thrown in for height.

OK, up next is the Lobster bisque: creamy and spicy with organic cream and Johnny Walker scotch. It’s a big serving for $5, too. Oh, yes, those are lobster chunks.

Take another fry or two. Order another drink.

Fourth on the list: bar Caesar salad. Oh, you’ll want to try this, Sport. It’s zesty like you. The lettuce is manageable. The dressing creamy with shaved Parmesan. Nice.

Grab another three fries.

Last but not least â€" seasonal fish tacos. Yes, they are huge. Here’s your value. Fire-roasted tomato tortillas, romaine, and chipotle aioli for a spicy zing. Lots of fish, too.

Done.

Leave a tip and a smile to anyone who served you. There, you’ve been a big shot for an hour and it cost only about one-tenth of what you would have enjoyed in the dining room.

Now, let’s talk about your wardrobe. Honestly.

[Sea Grill, 1498 Pacific Ave., Tacoma, 253.272.5656]