OWEN TAYLOR: ALL HAIL BACCHUS >>>

Waking up on the smoldering remains of a partial couch fire lit by an errant fart and a curious lighter, I am a blank slate of adjectives, given the holy scroll of fire, in which there burns only one word. Epic. Let’s count it down, eh?

Saturday was a house party in the Central District swathed in fog, oozing debauchery in all forms so frenzied and various that we can’t run 98 percent of it in print for fear of legal culpability. Let’s just say there was S&D&R&R all over the place, like Snoqualamie Falls fighting its way out of three-story apartment building.

Sunday saw the day fielding calls of praise and confusion, nursing hangovers with IHOP and Amante-delivered sandwiches, and countless movies. It begins snowing. In my lap is a nameless calico kitten with a head cold hell-bent on shredding my leg like a scratchpost in its semi-blinded condition. Outside a screech of tires led into the back of the No. 2 bus, and now the diesel engine of the King County Transit response truck idles softly through the windows where I sit, sans lighter or coffee, trying to surmise how I will survive this coming weekend when Bacchus, Mendozza, and War With Saturn fly into Olympia from their triple throne of destruction to imbue Friday the 13th with a putrid sound wrought from molten lava and thrust forth into this world like the sludgy little bastard it is.

After this last weekend, waiting around for the loudest show on Earth before the horror called Valentine’s Day and my 30th birthday, I am quickly becoming that twinkle in Britney’s eyes right before she grabbed the clippers. This is the bliss of the rampant non-conformist. We are getting that close to understanding, kiddos. This is the time when we can’t back out, but must press on, into the cold and frigid night that awaits us, for soon the gods of thunder will bring us lightning back to the prairie and burn our souls clean once again. All hail Bacchus.

[Eastside Club, Bacchus with Mendozza, War with Saturn, Friday, Feb. 13, 9 p.m., $5, 410 Fourth Ave. E., Olympia, 360.357.9985]