JAKE DE PAUL: SPRING SCHMRING â€" I STILL NEED COMFORT FOOD >>>

Red Robin
3901 S. Steele St., Tacoma, 253.473.7447

Hamburgers can be reduced to two schools of thought: “high and dry” or “hot and juicy.”  You can find the latter type at Red Robin, if the Chili Chili Cheeseburger is any indication. It starts with a lean plump patty that seems as big around as a small Frisbee. Gobs of chunky Red’s homemade chili chili, shredded cheddar, chipotle mayo and diced red onions piled on top, and the whole mess is open faced on what eventually becomes an extremely soggy sesame bun. Forget about picking this one up in one piece â€" it ain’t gonna happen.  A change of clothing, or at the very least a lobster bib, is highly recommended. This slightly spicy treat is yours for $9.79.

Pick Quick Drive-In
4306 Pacific Hwy., Fife, 253.922.5599

Eastern Pierce County, it goes without saying, is the world capital of stuff with chili on it: oozing chili dogs, stinking chili burgers and chili fries hot enough to melt a plastic spoon. The odiferous tidal wave of chili reigns king at the Puyallup Fair during the late summer, but my favorite is the Pick Quick Drive-In hangover-healing speedball consisting of two thin beef patties, mild creamy chili, cheese, raw onions and a sweet bun ($4.25). Their chili double meat cheeseburger is an ugly mess â€" adjusting to it is like changing a diaper. And there’s no way to devour it with dignity; I’m strictly an extra in a George A. Romero flick when I chow down at this famous drive-in erected in the’40s.