SUZY STUMP: ENTRANCE DENIED: THE ART OF THE CHASTITY BELT >>>

In the South Sound, female virgins can be a cunning bunch, often confining themselves to family picnics and church potlucks, infrequently venturing beyond the watchful eyes of a guardian or God. But in captivity, especially when gathered at an art gallery hosting a chastity belt show, I imagine they can be quite simple to identify. The prudent business suit (in conservative black or a summery peach); the comfortable flats; no wedding ring; the air of suppressed longing, all are obvious signs of a virgin.

The chastity belt show I speak of opens at Mineral Saturday, July 18. Entrance Denied: the Art of the Chastity Belt is a group show focusing on, well, chastity belts. The show will run through Sept. 5.

Now, talking to said virgins can be a tricky enterprise, requiring both prudence and discretion. Why not practice your virgin conversations on obvious virgins at the show's July 18 opening.

If you spot a virgin by Fisher and Farrell's chastity belt piece above, throw out this line: "I think the fruitful acts associated with sex are best delayed until after a prolonged and binding courtship."

If you spot a virgin by Bill Dawson's chastity belt piece, drop this line: "I find conversation an acceptable substitute for physical intimacy."

These lines can go a long way toward winning their admiration and trust.

[Mineral, Entrance Denied: the Art of the Chastity Belt, July 18-Sept. 5, opening reception Saturday, July 18, 4-8 p.m., 301 Puyallup Ave., Tacoma, 253.250.7745]