CHRISTOPHER WOOD: OLYMPIA FILM FESTIVAL SCARES ME >>>

The man parks his black car in front of a white building, pulls a blue cooler out of the backseat, and sits down. Who - or what - is he waiting for? I wonder. And how much of this movie have I already missed?

Luckily, the only bad luck to befall me yesterday, Friday the 13th (beside the requisite Jason Voorhees slasherthon on TBS), involved arriving several minutes late to the Capitol Theater, home to yesterday afternoon's "Demonic Possession and Unhealthy Obsessions: Horror Shorts Showcase" (catchy title) - part of the Olympia Film Festival. A theater volunteer at Will Call further aggravated my tardiness, confusing my name with Missus (or possibly Mister or Doctor) Cunt Catalyst.

No worries - I get that a lot.

The aforementioned man belongs to This is the Place, the first work screened. His name is Simon, and Simon kills people. Two ditzy gals give this silent journeyman a ride - will their road trip derail into terror? When chicks like this spew inanities like "I wanna fuck Keith Richards," a pointy object through the jugular seems only imminent - and welcome.

Depression getting you down? Try Side Effects May Include, a parody infomercial guaranteed to brighten your spirits with disturbing imagery and a warped soundtrack. WARNING: The film's classic moment, that of a man brushing his teeth with a (gulp) razor, may cause nausea.

The dusks of Lay Me Down have a sweet bluish tint, the mornings a tranquil and loving orange - I find unsettling the hypnotic beauty behind Shinako Sudo's film. That repeated shot of a boy gleefully running through prairie grass could only give way to a finale of domestic horror.

Family issues resurface in Fallow, when a farmer must present some god of the woods or something with a human sacrifice to ensure a bountiful harvest. Impaling your pregnant wife with a shovel? Not cool. But don't worry, he gets his comeuppance - his mutated face starts growing corn! Wicked just turned wickedly awesome.

Yesterday's weakest offering, Boy Chemical Girl had viewers sitting through some 18 minutes of convoluted story about strangers walking around a park and meeting at a bench for some chitchat. Then the girl's hammer and the guy's skull make their own connection. Yikes. This film had me literally squirming in my seat, but more from boredom than fright.

The experimental Antivirgen 1: Chi Sei? has a plot befitting its nonsensical title: after sex with a pair of hairy two-eyed monsters, a mother delivers her newest, most unholy creation. Basically, get ready for a psychedelic mishmash of Linda Blair-ish head spins, sacrilegious iconography and spewing vomit.

Hmm, I've used "spew" twice now in this Spew post.

The last piece, Bugcrush, combines two visions of The Other: venomous insects and homosexuals. Awkward teen Ben falls for bad boy (smoker!) Grant, a new arrival at the high school. Then bugs invade their courtship, and writer-director Carter Smith's work makes it hard to look away. When viewers have no choice but to confront the disturbing and grotesque in both reality and imagination, a filmmaker of horror succeeds.

On a side note, today is the last day of the Olympia Film Festival. Check out today's action here.