BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

Ha! I bet you thought I bagged out, didn't you? I bet you thought I finally thought better of The Prefunk - a weekend primer for you and your liver, with a picture of an alcoholic household pet thrown in for good measure. I bet you thought I'd finally turned over a mature leaf, and was ditching this weekly feature for something more becoming of a man of my stature.

Well, not so fast, reasonable reader! I'm not giving anything up. I'm not dropping the Prefunk ball; I'm just slipping you the Prefunk handoff hours later than usual.

Why? Because I can. And because I care.

Tacoma Holiday Food and Gift Festival at the Tacoma Dome

All Fucking Weekend

That's right, yo! It's not even Halloween yet, but you best get in the mood for gingerbread, candy canes and fruitcake - and get there fast. Not only are the "holidays," (and by the "holidays" I mean Christmas, of course) the celebration of little, teeny-tiny baby Jesus' b-day, they're also a massive driver of our economy and some people's full-time job.

No wonder then that the powers behind the Tacoma Holiday Food and Gift Festival (Showcase Events, a company that specializes in tradeshow production and puts on similar "holiday" functions in Denver and Salt Lake City) is chomping at the bit to get at it. Halloween's for pagans. Let's get on with Christmas!

They're so pumped, in fact, they've already started. Hell, you've probably already been three times! The Tacoma Holiday Food and Gift Festival kicked off with a bang Wednesday, and will run full tilt on vendors, exhibits, rosy-cheeked grandmas, frosted Christmas trees, snow globes, Mr. and Mrs. Clauses, holiday lights and pleated jeans through Sunday, when the trade show bonanza will finally roll out of town.

It's gonna be rad! Trust me.

PREFUNK: Here's how to make a hot toddy in the Tacoma Dome parking lot:

Get some scotch.

Pull into the parking lot.

Realize you have no cinnamon, no honey, no sugar, no lemons and certainly no cloves.

Drink the scotch.

Repeat if necessary.

Proceed to enjoy the hell out of the annual Tacoma Holiday Food and Gift Festival. If the holidays are about one thing other than spending money on gaudy decorations, it's drinking.

See you next week.