BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

Sometimes I think The Prefunk is really just some sort of sick joke ... and I'm at the center of it. Every week this blog post starts with some sort of proclamation that freedom's on the horizon, and the weekend is here, but I make this proclamation from my lonely office at Weekly Volcano World Headquarters, well after hours, as the day has already become night and everyone else has gone home for the weekend.

Thing is, The Prefunk never does quite make my list of priorities; somehow the jokes about getting high before book readings and posting pictures of alcoholic household pets is always the LAST thing I do. Perhaps I did something in a past life to deserve this ...

But chin up, self! It could be worse. It could be MUCH worse - I could have a REAL job. It's important to remember this.

With that, and the knowledge that I'm now doing positive self-affirmations in the reflection of my laptop right now, here's this week's Prefunk - as usual, with a picture of an alcoholic household pet thrown in for good measure.

Mutherfuckin' Pokemon City Championships

Saturday, Dec. 11 at Game Matrix in Lakewood

In truth, I know absolutely nothing about Pokemon.

Scratch that ... just looked it up on Wikipedia.

Pokémon is a media franchise published and owned by the video game company Nintendo and created by Satoshi Tajiri in 1996. Originally released as a pair of interlinkable Game Boy role-playing video games, Pokémon has since become the second most successful and lucrative video game-based media franchise in the world, behind only Nintendo's own Mario series...^.The name Pokémon is the romanized contraction of the Japanese brand Pocket Monsters as such contractions are quite common in Japan. The term "Pokémon", in addition to referring to the Pokémon franchise itself, also collectively refers to the 649 fictional species that have made appearances in Pokémon media ...Like the words deer and sheep, the word "Pokémon" is identical in both the singular and plural, as is each individual species name; in short, it is grammatically correct to say both "one Pokémon" and "many Pokémon" as well as "one Pikachu" and "many Pikachu"..."

OK. Now I feel a little better. Not sure if you put two and two together, but a member of the Weekly Volcano's staff who shall remain nameless had a girlfriend in the ‘90s who was really into Pokemon - specifically Pikachu (which, admittedly, is one of the more adorable Pokemon). She was also really into warehouses, sleep deprivation, hugs, incessant techno music and - quite naturally - ecstasy. You have to remember, it was the 90s: ecstasy was all the rage. The ‘90s were dumb on a lot of levels.

Anyway, this particular Volcano staffer (who, again, shall remain nameless) has never understood if there's some sort of connection between Pokemon and ravers. Perhaps this is the weekend to find out ...

PREFUNK: Sorry, gang. I can't quite pull the trigger on even jokingly recommending people pop a handful of ecstasy before heading out to the Pokemon City Championships at Game Matrix in Lakewood tomorrow. I may be the kind of guy that's tied to a weekly blog post in which he recommends ways to get drunk, high or creative ways to get messed up before seemingly ordinary weekend happenings, but even I know when a joke isn't worth the possible resulting lawsuit(s).

However, THIS garbage claims to be completely legal everywhere in the world. Maybe you could give it a try? Trust me, though; I'm sure it REALLY is complete garbage.

For one, how often do you REALLY need to do a handstand?

But still... if you're already into Pokemon, maybe this crap would make it just that much better.

So go for it. Besides, we won't know until you find out and have a totally bad experience and end up suing the shit out of the Volcano and getting me fired for a blog post where I thought I was taking the high road by recommending herbal ecstasy instead of the real deal.

See you next week.