This week ...

Place: Puyallup's Organic Comfort Food Cafe

Items on menu: Somewhere between 30 and 300, more toward 30

Times I made the server come back to table: 13

Times I had showered that day: Zero

Server slightly victimized by my presence: Of course

Kid's menu: Yes

Alcohol: No

Parking: Street

Available seats: About 40

Hot men eating healthy: None that I could see

Tacoma and Olympia have a handful of organic dining options - and  by "handful" I mean the amount that would fit in a very small toddler's hand. But Puyallup's entire health-conscious community has even fewer options than the neighboring metropolis of T-Town. With a hankering for a meal sans hormones and pesticides, I packed up and headed out to explore what Puyallup had to offer besides deep-fried fair food served on a stick.

With the descriptive of "organic" in the Organic Comfort Food Cafe's name I expected to walk into an establishment where more than 80% of their menu items are made with organic ingredients - and I did.  Much to my giddiness (and what I certainly didn't expect) - they were giving away gluten at no cost!

Item after item on Organic Comfort Food Cafe's menu listed the term "gluten free" in the description. Wow! I wondered how much money they were losing by handing out all that free gluten.

I was twice as shocked when upon the delivery of my PB&J sandwich I realized it was "vegan." These people must be crazy! Someone please, for the love of all things sacred, please tell me how they fit all those tiny veggies into the peanut butter! I mean, I just don't see how broccoli wouldn't at least show up a little in the transparency of the jelly.   

After my meal I nosed around the place looking for more free stuff. I saw fresh flowers on all the tables, organic jelly beans in the candy machine, an Organic Food Shopper's Guide resting on a side desk and a note declaring the cafe as official sponsors of a child in Swaziland ... but no free stuff. 

As I was paying my check I decided to see if I could get more than gluten for free, so I asked my delicate server if she would pay my monthly house mortgage. 

Damn those organic folk sure are picky with their charitable causes. 

[Organic Comfort Food Cafe,  210 W. Pioneer, Puyallup, 253.770.6147]