THE SOUTH SOUND'S ONLY LOCAL MAJOR FILM CRITIC >>>

As might be expected, the fourth installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean films is eminently forgettable. Maybe this isn't the worst thing in the world. It is, after all, intended as brief popcorn entertainment (brief meaning over two hours, in this day and age). PotC seems as if it strives to take after those fluffy swashbuckling series of the early days of sound and color in film. But fluff shouldn't be charged a premium for bulls*** 3-D "effects" (please note that "effects" is dripping with all the sarcasm my body can muster), nor should it skimp on ridiculous action scenes and preposterous set pieces.

To read Rev. Adam McKinney's full review click here.

MILITARY APPRECIATION NIGHT TONIGHT AT CHENEY >>>

Remember a couple of blogs back when we argued all a ballclub needs to do to be successful is win half its games on the road and most its games at home?

It turns out our half-cocked theory on manufacturing championship seasons wasn't too far off-base. The man with the microphone, Mike Curto, agrees that a road winning percentage of .500, or even lower, is just fine.

"Overall, the Rainiers are a very respectable 11-13 in road games," Curto writes. "That's fine, even for a winning team."

See? The Rainiers know how to win games away from Cheney. It's their measly home record that's holding the team back from another PCL Championship run. At home, the Rainiers have won six and lost twelve -- not exactly positioning themselves in any sort of proper, uh, position.

What we here at the Volcano can't figure out is why the Rainiers are losing at home. Are the players uncomfortable in their freshly renovated digs? Does  Dustin Ackley secretly hate Tacoma?  Or, is it just a combination of poor hitting, poor pitching and poor luck?

Impossible to say, really. But we think the players miss the old locker room.

-Last night, however, the Rainiers looked radiant. In front of a sellout crowd, our boys blasted a season high six home runs in a 9-7 win over the Memphis Redbirds. Ryan Langerhans, Johan Limonta, Josh Bard and others all collectively aided the argument that the Rainiers can do just dandy at Cheney, thank you very much.

- As radiant as the Rainiers looked last night, the team looked the exact opposite the night before. Losing 8-2 to the Redbirds, the Rainiers never seemed to get off the ground.  They couldn't hit, they couldn't pitch and they certainly didn't get lucky.    

Regardless of the Rainiers' anemic home record, tonight should be an awesome time at the ballpark. First, this evening is the Salute to Armed Forces Night. That means cheap tickets and cheap meals for anyone with a military I.D.

Then, to sweeten the crab pot, Captain Keith Colburn of the television show "Deadliest Catch" plans to attend the game. As of this time, the Volcano has not received word on whether Colburn plans sign autographs, perform crab tossing tricks or take a dive under the ballpark's suites.

We're hoping for the later.   

LINK: The "Rainiers Minute" collection

SUNDAY, MAY 22, 2011 >>>

Frank Zappa once said, "jazz is not dead - it just smells funny. If that's the case, it will stink at Pierce College Puyallup's Arts and Allied Health Theatre from 7-10 p.m. Pierce College is set to put on its annual Jazz Expo - now in its 38th year. The Jeff Hamilton Trio, which includes drummer Hamilton (duh), Israeli-born piano badass A team of jazz legends, the Jazz Expo All Stars, will be the event's main draw. Led by Bill Ramsay, All Stars Jay Thomas, Tracy Knoop, Richard Lopez, Randy Halberstadt, Vineet Davidson, Chuck Kistler, and Garey Williams play works by Miles Davis from his Birth of The Cool album.

2. Teams competing in the second annual Black Lake International BBQ Competition (or BBQ By the Lake Championship) will be cooking up a beast known as the bacon bomb - a bacon-wrapped sausage or meatloaf mixture, sometimes studded or stuffed with more bacon and slathered with barbecue sauce. No joke. Associated with the Spring Garden Fair from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. at Columbus Park, also on the menu are live music and a beer garden. Awesome.

3. It's not easy to read when Charlie the Noise Guy is in the library. You may find yourself re-reading the same paragraph as the dude produces a variety of chain saws, buzz saws, birds, race cars, of course, a dancehall reggae band or two or three FROM HIS MOUTH. But, give it a shot when the sound effects guy hangs at the Tacoma Public Library Main Branch at 2 p.m.

4. The 3Ms - Jerry Miller, Jay Mabin and Tom Murphy - will fill The Spar in Old Twon Tacoma with blues beginning at 7 p.m.

5. Daze of Never will rock the Backstage Bar & Grill beginning at 8 p.m.

PLUS: Olympia Youth Chorus performance we highlighted in our Weekend Hustle.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Happy hours!

DIVE IN >>>

City Center is one of three Michigan bands currently touring the U.S. together. Sharing a van is not an issue, as Swimsuit and Secret Twins draw from the same pool of tight-knit talent. Dina Bankole plays guitar in both Secret Twins and Swimsuit, and her bandmates are likewise busy: bassist Amber Fellows has a side project with Thomas called Damned Dogs, and Shelley Salant has drummed with Detroit lo-fi act Tyvek. Secret Twins' Tim Thomas rounds out the cross-continental carpool. Fred Thomas has been told that, "Those five people comprise three of the most important bands in town."

Cumulatively, this crew of jammers, DJs, bookers and DIY label-heads are bringing the varicolored sounds of Washtenaw County to America. Along the way, they're playing with some of the country's best underground noise-makers, including Olympia's own Calvin Johnson.

To read Jason Baxter's full article click here.

[Northern, Swimsuit with Calvin Johnson, City Center, Secret Twins, Monday, May 23, 8 p.m., All Ages, 321 Fourth Ave., Olympia, northernolympia.org]

JAKE AND JASON DE PAUL DIG IN >>>

ANNOUNCER: For over four years, the Macau Casino off Interstate 5 in Lakewood has aimed to attract gamblers and card game lovers. With the dining menu and kitchen now in the hands of award-winning Chef King Heun Wai, Macau may also attract lovers of food. The revamped Asian menu reaches beyond commonly known Chinese dishes to various hot pots, wide noodle chow fun, Chinese pizza and curry and Thai dishes, too. American food is also served. Dinner seating for 16-20 people has partial view of the bar. The boys only sampled the Asian cuisine since they agreed it would be wrong to order a BLT where 87 different Chinese items are offered.

To read Jake and Jason's full review click here.

[Macau Casino, 9811 South Tacoma Way, Lakewood, 253.983.1777]

YOUR AWARD WINNING ALT-WEEKLY >>>

Last night at Safeco Field Region 10 of the Society of Professional Journalists (SPJ) held its annual NW Excellence in Journalism awards banquet. Hosted by Jerry Brewer of the Seattle Times and Jen Mueller of ROOT Sports - appropriate given the venue - last night's festivities were a good time for all involved, from the tasty buffet to watching the Safeco Field roof close when the raindrops started falling. After receiving over 2,500 submissions from dozens of media outlets (Alaska, Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Montana make up Region 10), last night the best of the best of 2010 were officially announced.

Along with all the winners, special congratulations go to the Weekly Volcano's Brett Cihon, who took home second place in the Alternative Weeklies Lifestyles Reporting category for his "Gia is an Escort" story.

Seriously awesome job, Brett! We're all very proud of you. Well done, sir.

MONDAY, MAY 23, 2011 >>>

1. Catch Swimsuit, Secret Twins, City Center and Olympia's own Calvin Johnson tonight at Northern. It's early, but there's no doubt it will be one of the best shows of the week. Find all the details here.

2. Momenti Rubati fills The Royal Lounge with jazz every Monday. Or, if that's not your cup of tea, find the Volcano's comprehensive South Sound live local music listings here.

3. Today might just be the perfect day to check out the Rainier League of Arts ongoing "For the Love of Art" show at Gibson Gallery. Or if that's not the ticket, find the Volcano's extensive South Sound arts and events calendar here.

4. Dables in Bloom performs at 6 p.m. today at the Mandolin Café. The action is all ages (as always) and there's no cover.

5. DJ Melodica will be all up in Magoo's, spinning the crowd-pleasing "punk, post punk, New Wave, early electronica, garage and more," the people have come to know and love.

THE VISUAL ARTS REVIEWED BY ALEC CLAYTON >>>

Three nationally prominent Native American artists and one quickly rising new Native art star are featured in the latest show at B2 Fine Arts.

Joe Feddersen, of Colville heritage from Omak and an art teacher at the Evergreen State College, is best known as a printmaker, but also makes baskets, glass art and sculpture. Readers may recall his recent outstanding solo show at Tacoma Art Museum. In the current show at B2, Feddersen has an installation called "Codex - 2009," consisting of 11 amber-colored, cylindrical vessels, each decorated with patterns and symbols that the artist says can be read in any number of ways, suggesting landscape, street signs and a forest of tree stumps. The symbols are very sparse and the colors muted. It is a quiet, contemplative piece that in a different setting could be seen as a sacred meditative alter. Feddersen acknowledges that it was influenced by a similar work by Eva Hesse.

Feddersen is also showing a couple of small prints (nice, but nothing like the amazing prints in his TAM show), and a beautiful large vessel with a mirrored surface. I wish there were more of his prints in this show.

To read Alec Clayton's full review of Coyote Forward click here. ‘

[B2 Fine Art Gallery, Coyote Forward, 11 a.m. - 5 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday, till 8 p.m. Third Thursdays, through June 18, 711 St. Helens Avenue, Tacoma, 253.238.5065]

COO COO CA CHOO >>>

Peninsula School District radio station KGHP needs to raise funds to stay on air. As we see it, they can do one of two things. First option, capture the upscale, educated market that loves pledge drives by converting the station to an all pledge drive format. Instead of broadcasting its current eclectic scale of entertainment - which includes jazz, blues, reggae, roots and Americana, classic rock, vintage music and local sports - the station would switch to a 24-hour programming dedicated to sniffy radio personalities wheedling listeners to send money for a designer tote bag, or to enter a raffle to win a weekend of wine-tasting in Walla Walla. KGHP's new format will include programs such as "Guess Who's Asking for Money?" "Pledgie Home Companion" and "This American Checkbook."

The second option would be a radio stunt. According to the following press release, it looks as if KGHP is going with the stunt.

KGHP's Station Manager the Walrus, will begin his attempt to walk from Owens Beach in Pt Defiance Park to the Summit of Mt Rainier on Monday June 13^th at High Noon. The Goal is to raise one dollar for every foot he climbs in Elevation. So Mt Rainer is 14,411 feet in height, we hope to raise $14,411 to continue to allow Community Radio KGHP to continue to broadcast great Radio Entertainment for the Local South Sound Community. The Public is welcome to come out and join the walrus on his walk, or to support us on line at KGHP.ORG

There are many opportunity's for the Public to support our fundraising goals by purchasing a KGHP-TEE Shirt, Or Dedicating a Song to the Walrus, Signing up to become an Underwriter, or just a simple Donation.

Anyone interested in more info can contact the Walrus at 253.225.1195.

WHEN THE WORLD DOESN'T END >>>

Having written a novel about the end of the world (Lightfall, available at bookstores and libraries near you) I've spent a fair amount of time talking to people about the Apocalypse. Actually, having been one of Jehovah's Witnesses until adulthood, I've spent a lot of time talking to people about the Apocalypse, so forgive me if I have a few thoughts on the Harold Camping debacle last Saturday. I know it's beating a dead horse, but at least the horse died of natural causes rather than fire and brimstone.

My erstwhile religion was pretty much founded on the notion that the Lord would return in October 1914. The Witnesses were so wedded to this belief that when he didn't come, they accepted World War I as a sign that he had in fact come, we just couldn't see him. Then they spent the next 80-plus years telling the world that "by no means" would the generation alive in 1914 pass away before the visible advent of global Armageddon. I was born in 1968, and that was about the time the Witnesses' Governing Body decided October 1975 would bring the Big One. I knew folks who took their kids out of school, stopped paying their credit cards, and gave all their money to the cause of international evangelism. That was 36 years ago. Then the Witnesses told me, in a sermon written by the Governing Body for a district convention in the mid-'80s, that there was "no way" human governments would endure to the next millennium. But here we are, 11 years later...and here we are.

Now the Witnesses say that what the Bible MEANT to say when it said "generation" was rather vague. In fact, I can't seem to follow what they believe it does mean anymore. The whole prediction has lost its guts. I guess it's rather like when Jesus's buddies asked him when the world would end, and he said (in Matthew 24:34) that their own generation would witness the Apocalypse. He was right about the Temple falling. Everything else? Not so much. Jesus was everything he's cracked up to be, sure; but as a prophet, even he was no great shakes.

The Bible says no man knows the day or the hour, and that's the smartest prediction ever made. Besides, the fact is, the End of the World comes on different dates for everyone. The End of my stepfather's world was a few years ago. He lived his life, and it ended, and now he exists only as a widely divergent set of memories. And that's OK. It's how things work. You may not like it, but the universe isn't obliged to behave exactly the way you or I want.

Some Armageddons, I'm happy to say, are survivable. My soon-to-be sister-in-law (have I mentioned I'm getting married next Saturday?) and her husband thought it was the End of the World when their baby boy developed a life-threatening cardiac defect. That was two years ago, and he's fine, and he'll probably outlive us all. Yesterday I taught him "knucks."

My point is, even the best prophets get it wrong. Harold Camping might be a liar and a cheat, but more likely, he's just a sad old man who thought he'd found inside information. That's the quickest path to the worst Apocalypse a human can suffer, which is mockery at the hands of a secular nation. His life is Hell right now. Among the only people whose world ended Saturday were those suckers who gave away their lives to be ready for Rapture. My prediction? There are some truths the mind cannot handle, and among them is the realization of absolute foolishness--so the Camping camp will be back out on the streets by the time you read this, insisting they simply forgot to carry the 1--math is hard!--and the Lord will be back before you know it. I hope they're right...but assume they're not. You should, too.