REAL STORIES FROM REAL BARTENDERS >>>

I've been a bartender for a long time. I have met countless freaks, jerks, pervs, sweethearts, rockstars and crazies. Even though it's a physically and mentally exhausting job, these are the colorful people that make it all worthwhile. Well, that and the tips.

I'd like to share with you some of my personal experiences behind the bar, along with the stories from some of my fellow bartenders. Each week - under the clever heading of "Behind Bars" - I will dig into my memory bank - and the incident log books that all bars keep - to bring you some of my favorite stories.

Names of bars, bartenders and patrons have been changed or withheld to protect the innocent.

And the not so innocent.

Cheers!

This week...

Nasty Hook-Ups & Eczema Arms

Being able to handle horribly nauseating sights, smells and situations was not in the job description when I signed up for bartending. But, luckily, my mom was a silver horse of a woman who drank pure liquid pewter, and I was born with a stomach of steel.

Besides cleaning up gallons of piss, puke and chew spit over the years, I have also had to bear witness to some of the nastiest bar happenings ever.

Like nasty hook-ups: For instance, "Toothless Mike" making out with "Stinky Jan" ... their nicotine stained fingers rubbing over each others backpack straps ... hairy chest and tattooed cankles all exposed. Eeww.

And surprise findings: Like the piss in a jar we found a few weeks ago in that backpack, or the shit smeared across toilet seats, or dirty laundry, like crusty socks, are a popular one for some reason. We've also found a used condom (or so it appeared.) Either way, gross.

And bad grooming habits: Like the guy with the eczema arms that would scritch and scratch while he drank his beer, and then leave behind a pile of scaly yellow skin droppings. Or the lady who began clipping her toenails in a booth. Or the old man who would dig in his ear, only to scrape out the waxy findings with his teeth. Gag.

So, keep in mind, bartending isn't all glamour and cash, it's also dirty and crass.

But, hey, somebody's got to do it...

Until next time, Cheers!

LINK: BEHIND BARS ARCHIVE