BACK IN THE FOSS WATERWAY SEAPORT BUILDING >>>

The first two bouts of the Dockyard Derby Dames fifth season took place inside an expansive stadium-type athletic center on Pierce College's campus in Steilacoom.  As fancy as this might've been for our nitty-gritty roller derby teams, I'll be honest - it was a complete bitch to drive all the way out there. Thank goodness the Derby Dames moved the action back to Dock Street in Tacoma and the Foss Waterway Seaport building Saturday.

Vitamin V tells me that even though Steilacoom is far away, it was definitely a lot easier to set up there, adding,  "Here in this building (Foss Waterway Seaport), it takes two days to set up our bout.  There's lighting, porta-potties, and bleachers that need to be installed here that are already installed for us out at Pierce College."

I'm not quite sure Tacoma knows exactly how much work goes into a completely volunteer-run sporting event like roller derby. 

Bout 1: The Trampires vs. Marauding Mollys

As the first bout of the evening began, the Foss Waterway Seaport was standing room only, and the energy level was through the roof.  Excitement flared as The Trampires' Razzle Jazzle yanked the rug out from Marauding Mollys' C. Jane Skate in the second jam, taking lead jammer position and scoring four points despite fierce resistance from Mollys' blockers. 

Side note: "Razzle Jazzle versus the world" became an ongoing theme throughout the night.  She was in it for blood, and that's a fact.

The jams were tight as jammers eagerly squeezed their way through thick walls of opposing blockers, scoring points and keeping the score close in the first half.  Mo Ratorium of Trampire fame spent her fair share in the penalty box, however this never seemed to inhibit her ability to skate fast and score point after point after point.

Mollys' jammer Booty Trapp polished her speed effortlessly on the flat track while blocker Rocky Hardplace played body-pinball with anyone who got in her way.  I even saw her thrust the front of her pelvis into someone's rear end in one of the jams.  She doesn't care how she knocks them down, as long as the hit the floor crying. 

The Trampires' Betty Drillder (#86'd) was definitely star jammer of the evening.  With the Mollys' jammer sent to the penalty box, Drillder was given free reign, scoring a double grand slam in just one jam.  The Marauding Mollys attempted to catch up with Frankey Bones taking on her own double grand slam.

While my derby cohorts Liesl Kondor and Melanie Rushforth tipped their tall boys of Bud Light and provided their typical babbling commentary, I made a few mental notes:

-Seriously, Betty Drillder is not normal.  Her freakishly awesome speed and agility leads me to believe she is from outer space.  An investigation is underway; I'll have more on this later.

-Best outfit award goes to The Trampires' Morna Handful and My Tai Smashya.  Anytime I can see ANY type of asscrack, your outfit's a winner.

-I love Psychopath Chick. She's been part of DYDD from the beginning and tells me this is her last year.  I'm sad. That is all.

FINAL SCORE: Trampires = 139, Marauding Mollys = 70

Bout 2: Femme Fianna vs. Hellbound Homewreckers

It's no secret one of my favorite skaters is Femme Fianna's Skate Paulie Girl, who sported fluorescent orange hot pants Saturday night, as did another Femme Fianna, Snickerbrutal.  Coincidentally, they both rocked the jammer position all night in those hot pants. 

A good 15 minutes into the bout Misty Miyagi rolled out on the floor in full force.  I definitely did not see her as much as I would've liked.  She has serious skate power and I'm not quite sure she was utilized as much as she could've been.

With 13 minutes left in the first half, the clock stopped.  We waited.  And waited.  And we waited some more for the jam to begin.  We couldn't help but think, "Was this how it was going to be tonight?"  A slow bout with the clock stopped repeatedly? Yeah, it kinda was like that all night.  Clock was stopped ... a lot.  Yawn.

Eventually Snickerbrutal was sent to the penalty box giving Twiggy Smalls of the Hellbound Homewreckers a chance to catch up with a double grand slam.  Once she was finally allowed back into the bout, Snickerbrutal was almost immediately penalized again and sent straight back into the box.

Throughout the evening Hellbound Homewreckers' jammers Twiggy Smalls, Hazel Nut and Robin Y'man headed up the score count and were challenged repeatedly by the fiercest of Femme Fianna blockers.  The last thing you want to do is let a Homewreckers' jammer through the pack, and it was obvious the Fianna crew was doing everything to stop them.  Need a hard-hitting Femme Fianna example?  Three words: Louda Than Bombs.

FINAL SCORE: Hellbound Homewreckers = 123, Femme Fiana = 117

Oh, and by the way, by the end of the second bout I had figured out what the F made Betty Driddler so ninja-like as a jammer.  Watch this video to see what we discovered.