IRREVERENT WEEKLY LOOK AT THE WILD WORLD OF SPORTS >>>

Oh, it's on now. There's no looking back. Football season is here and the next few months are going to be a gluttonous, glorious blur, bubba. Heads are going to crack. Teams are going to fold. ACLs are going to pop. Champions are going to be made. Fantasies realized. It'll be everything you hoped for and more. Like Christmas ... only better. And on HGH.

Purist and those with a keen enough eye to notice the stylistic inaccuracy of the "Strikes" format of the column will surely point out that, yes, here I go again. Talking about football. At this point it's fair to wonder if every week Cup Check is simply the continuation of an elaborate ruse designed to let me pound out 800 words on pigskin.

Honestly, I wish that much thought went into it. And the layout department wishes I kept it to 800 words.

There's no secret plan. I just love me some football. And I'm apt to yammer about it. Especially in an issue of the Volcano that hits the street on the literal day the 2011 NFL season kicks off (tonight when Green Bay faces New Orleans). Especially in an issue of the Volcano that drops the Thursday before the first Sunday in over six months that's mattered.

Sorry, God. Football is pretty damn important.

So, yeah, in honor of the start of football season it's another all-football Cup Check this week. Deal with it. Or go read the box score of the Mariners latest defeat somewhere else. You probably deserve better anyway.

To read this week's full column click here.

BONUS: A video of Terrell Owens crying and shit