A BATHROOM BREAK ISN'T OUT OF THE QUESTION >>>

Note: It is time, once again, to provide a definitely biased and possibly unfair review of a trailer for an upcoming film.

Here is something that the lunatics that actually liked the Clash of the Titans remake will be interested to hear: this time around, they've styled Sam Worthington's hair to look more like Harry Hamlin's. So, you know, take that, people who were appalled by the slick remake of the kitschy classic - they're trying, alright? Maybe take a chill pill?

Of course, everything isn't all Jheri curls and tzatziki sauce for Perseus. There's still all these monsters and stuff, you guys! As you'll recall from the first movie (but probably not, because really? You actually saw that shit?), Perseus is half-human and half-god. Because of this, he is required to furrow his brow in nine out of 10 situations and have stern talks with a crazily bearded Liam Neeson (of kicking-people-to-death-in-Europe fame).

Look, Perseus, I know that "clash" probably took a lot out of you, and you were probably all like, "Finally, now I can relax and pop in a DVD of Mamma Mia, my favorite Greece-based adaptation of a Swedish pop band's musical," BUT THIS SHIT JUST DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT. These titans are pissed - even wrathful - and it's up to you to stop it, or whatever.

Here's a tip, though: Even though Liam Neeson tells you that being half-human "makes you stronger than a god," I want you to know that that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I actually now have a headache from rolling my eyes so hard.

Long story short. Actually, that's my note to the people behind these movies. This story is evidently pretty fucking looooong. Tighten it up? I'm not looking forward to the inevitable follow-up, The Passive-Aggressive Silent Treatment of the Titans.