WHAT WE HAVE FOUND TODAY >>>

1. It all goes back to history. Everything. Everything goes back to history. There is nothing but history. These words are becoming history as you read them. Even you, some day, will be history. Perhaps you will be a blip; perhaps you will be a chapter. Perhaps your name will become a buzzword, like Reaganomics or Machiavellian. Perhaps. Perhaps you will ramble with no purpose. Perhaps you will wax poetic to the point of nausea. Perhaps you will shove extra food from the buffet into your purse when no one is looking. Perhaps. Perhaps you'll enjoy history Saturday when the best comedians from years and years of the Seattle International Comedy Competitions gather on the Pantages Theater for a night of laughs at 7:30 p.m. Former Comedy Competition champions Darryl Lenox (1999) and Damonde Tschritter (2006) will anchor the night. Armchair philosopher Lenox is one of the best comics to ever come out of Vancouver. OK, he's American, but he lived 14 years in the city, reached a calm on stage and honed his act with his hilarious American take on Canada and Canadians. Although storyteller comedian, actor and writer Tschritter has been known to say he's more like the guy who hangs around your kitchen table telling stories than a stand-up comedian, he was the first Canadian to win the Seattle competition. Perhaps you should attend.

2. Dude, pain is just weakness leaving the body. It's no reason to not do anything. Shoo, weakness, shoo. Go away. It's time to skip that early morning nap and start creating some pain for yourself. That's right - five kilometers of pain. It's the Ruston Way 5K, beginning at 10 a.m. It's said to be one of the flattest, fastest 5K runs in the universe. Elite runners are signed up. But forget about the fact that it celebrates the re-opening of the new and proved Ruston Way; you can reminisce about the demolished tunnel later. Concentrate on your five kilometers of pain. Ignore the pre-run ribbon cutting with dignitaries at 9:15 a.m. Ignore the stunning views of the Puget Sound, Mt. Rainier, the Cascades and the Olympic Mountains. Pain, pain, pain. Best of all, you'll be done in time for your noon nap.

3. Traver Gallery in Tacoma is the only United States venue to host Engaging with Glass: A Survey of Contemporary Glass Art, the first comprehensive survey of Irish glass art in over a decade. The exhibition brings together a broad spectrum of work in glass, ranging from beautifully executed decorative objects to conceptual installation pieces incorporating video elements. The exhibit opens today with a reception from 5-7 p.m.

4. You totally have the opportunity to get lei'd tonight (sorry, we couldn't help ourselves). The annual University of Puget Sound's Hui O Hawai`i student club's Spring Lu'au with its exotic Polynesian food and colorful entertainment hits the campus. The festivities begin with a 5 p.m. dinner offering kalua pig, huli huli chicken, lomi lomi salmon, macaroni salad, poi, chicken long rice, haupia, pineapple and a vegan dish pineapple stir fry in the Wheelock Student Center. At 7 p.m., the crowd will head to the memorial Field House for the band Na Leo O Hawai`I and around a dozen dances from cultures including Hawaiian, Tahitian, Samoan, and Maori, as well as ritual face-painting, grass skirts, the malo (loincloth) and colorful island dresses. Aloha.

5. Beginning at 6 p.m. Hell's Kitchen will host a benefit show for Hang Huong - who was hit by a car - featuring a burlesque show, raffle prizes and the musical stylings of Unhailoed, Psychonaut Deathtrip, LB, Reptile Eruption, Devils of Louden and Phasers On Kill.

PLUS: More events listed in our Weekend Hustle

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Live music and DJs in the South Sound

LINK: South Sound happy hours