Vive la geekerie toujours, mes amis! Nerd Alert is the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.

As you read this, my wife and I are vacationing in the City of Lights, guzzling vin ordinaire and pretending we understand a single word anyone is saying. We'll return by this weekend, but too stuffed with macarons and stinky unpasteurized cheese to do much more than launder our Tour d'Eiffel T-shirts and clear the DVR. It falls upon you, my fellow Yanks, to uphold the honor of Uncle Sam in our absence by acting like ugly Americans and scarfing freedom fries.

THURSDAY, SEPT. 26

My favorite sitcom, Parks and Recreation, recommences Thursday night, which allows me to enjoy he-man Ron Swanson and not-so-he-man Tom Haverford as Yahweh intended: without a damn laugh track. Not so The Big Bang Theory, which also returns tonight, its bleachers at Warner Bros. Burbank crammed with appreciative tourists. SNL launches season 39 this weekend, hosted by Tina Fey for the fourth time since her putative escape in 2006. (The musical guest is some indie Canadian outfit called Arcade something-or-other.) The Amazing Race and a rash of cartoon shows are back on Sunday; for you Showtime subscribers, so is Homeland. After all, none of you law-abiding citizens downloaded the new episode from BitTorrent when it leaked a month ago, riiight?

SATURDAY, SEPT. 28

If you've been in the cast or crew of a play, you know it takes weeks of rehearsal, not to mention the months it took some writer to craft the bloody thing. Now squeeze that process into one exhausting day. That's the challenge behind the Double Shot Festival, which offers annual programs of short plays written, memorized, rehearsed, and performed within a single 24-hour period. I've agreed to brave the rigors of jetlag and lukewarm McCafé to direct one, so I hope you'll swing by to say hi and check out the result. If I respond in idiotic Franglish or act otherwise deranged, back away slowly while humming the Marseillaise.

DOUBLE SHOT FESTIVAL, 7 and 9 p.m., Broadway Center Studio III, 901 Broadway, Tacoma, free with registration, 253.591.5890

Also on the 28th, as on the second and fourth Saturday of every month, the Blue Mouse Theatre presents a late-night screening of 1975's The Rocky Horror Picture Show complete with audience cosplay and commentary. If you're a Rocky Horror virgin, you owe it to yourself to raid your significant other's closet for fetish gear, heat a slice of toast, grab some TP and a party hat, and return to that ordinary night when Brad Majors ("asshole!") and his fiancée Janet Weiss ("slut!") left Denton. It's true there were dark storm clouds. It's true; also, that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air. Now, please stop yelling about my insufficient neck. I have feelings, y'know.

THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW, 11 p.m., Blue Mouse Theatre, 2611 N. Proctor, Tacoma, $5, 253.752.9500

SUNDAY, SEPT. 29

The last episode of Breaking Bad I was able to see before writing this ended in a desert shootout cliffhanger. And as much as it grieves me to say this, I probably won't catch another minute of the show till I return from France, so if you love me at all, please keep your damn spoilers off Facebook. The hour-long drama some would argue (and by "some" I mean "I") is the best in the history of TV ends in a blaze of Blue Sky glory tonight. Will Hank lock up Heisenberg at last? Will Skyler and the kids retain any of Walter's ill-gotten gains? Or will Jesse surprise us all by being the last bitch standing? Better call Saul, ‘cause my phone'll be off tonight, I can promise you that.

Until next week, may the Force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, and may Bob Odenkirk live long and prosper on AMC.