As we trudge toward the end of the dismal cinematic months of winter, it's only fitting that I should find myself facing such a dilemma: do I write about the new Paul W.S. Anderson (Alien vs. Predator, Death Race, the Resident Evil franchise) movie, or the new McG (This Means War, Terminator Salvation, Charlie's Angels) movie? Two of the worst working Hollywood directors vying for my attention. Do I go with McG's reheated tale of Kevin Costner's trained assassin trying to settle down and become a family man, or with Anderson's hilarious take on a volcano's complete and utter widespread destruction?

Let's start with the achingly boring-looking 3 Days to Kill. Costner stars opposite a robotic Amber Heard as a killer for hire. Heard, his boss, entreaties him to do one last job. When Costner refuses, he's poisoned and promised the antidote only when he completes his task. In the meantime, Hailee Steinfeld sacrifices the good will she earned from her role in True Grit by deigning to play Costner's frankly needy daughter. Your dad's trying to kill people! Get off his back for one second!

While 3 Days to Kill seems like the most forgettable piece of boilerplate this side of any of McG's other films, Pompeii 3D might just be a first for Hollywood: a disaster movie in which every single character must surely dead by the end credits. Making a movie about the Pompeii eruption is like setting your film inside the Hindenburg. This was a disaster where literally everyone died - so swiftly, in fact, that the hot ash froze them in position, where they remain to this very day. While the trailer shows the townspeople making admirable efforts of fleeing, it seems like a fool's errand.

There is one realistic aspect to the Pompeii 3D trailer, though: it's just about the blurriest trailer I've ever seen, which should give you a good idea of what you're in for when you put on those 3D glasses.

Spring can't come soon enough.

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