Clarification: My son, Pineapple Upside-Down Cake, was really baked Friday afternoon. The open letter below has a mistake. Apparently, Babblin' Babs Bistro's permit delay isn't the city of Lakewood's doing. The delay is rooted in inspection issues. Pineapple Upside-Down Cake has been restricted to his refirgerator.

Best,

Golden Pound Cake

Dear City of Lakewood,

For the love of everything delicious, please grant my boss his freakin' building permit so he'll stop driving me crazy. Chef William Mueller cooks. He doesn't sit around. He doesn't run errands. He doesn't watch television. He doesn't weed the garden or wash the car or shop for fabric. He makes Bodacious Biscuits!

The time period between the closure of his Babblin' Babs Bistro's Proctor District location and the opening of his 3,500-square-foot Babblin' Babs on Gravelly Lake Drive is too long for Chef Williams. He's not handling it well. He's driving his kids and me nuts. Shannon, his business partner and wife, well, she needs closure. According to her husband, their new restaurant is going to have a 100 menu items. She needs him out of the laboratory and into the digs, pronto!

I'll tell you City of Lakewood. He doesn't care if you are two people short at the Lakewood Building Permit Office. He doesn't care there's a three-month backlog due to medical marijuana permits. He wants the permits for his Lakewood Babblin' Babs Bistro approved now so he can begin the remodel - and so do I! It's starting to wear on me. My bourbon-soaked cherries are sagging. My grilled pineappple is drooping.

Yesterday, he showed me iPhone photos of his cookie sliders.

Today, he gave me a tour of the Weekly Volcano World Headquarters in Lakewood(!)

Please, I beg you, grant him his permits.

Sincerely,
Pineapple Upside-Down Cake

P.S. Yes, I'm freakin' delicious.